How to date? Why would anyone want me anyway?

[Justneedadvice636465]

I split with my partner and tbh I'm still heartbroken about it. I never thought it would happen but it has. I'm youngish just turned 32 but I have 2ds and a dd and was diagnosed with genital hsv 1 last year as well as mh issues to add. I can't imagine anyone wanting to be with me at all I'm not a catch and between everything else just feel so unloveable I wouldn't even know where to begin to date someone. I really don't know if I can do the online dating thing the swiping etc I just feel resigned to a loveless life.

It sounds like you need to focus on yourself and rebuilding your strength and happiness for now, not bringing another partner into the equation.

You need some time to heal. HSV1 and mental health issues are not an automatic barrier to a happy relationship and do not devalue you.

You can start off with small steps to make yourself feel better. Think about how strong you are as a mother. Do you think that any talking therapy would help? Do you have supportive family and friends? You are loveable but it comes across as you should prioritise yourself for now.

Is dating compulsory?

You don't say how long it is since you broke up with your ex - but I can't see the point in pursuing a new relationship while you're still 'heartbroken'. Why not give your emotions time to recover?

How have your children been affected by the ending of your relationship? Do they need time to recover, too?

And you already have a lot going on. It's not a mater of 'being a catch' - but surely other areas of your life would benefit from your full attention for a while?

You're young. You already have children. So no race against the biological clock. You don't mention friends, wider family, work, study, travel, creative pursuits, personal fitness - or how you spend your time with your children. It may be that you have your fill of all these things - but you don't say so And they're all worth spending time and energy on.

Honestly, if I were you, I'd give myself a year at least where I don't give a single thought to dating. Take advantage of the time to renew the rest of your life.

Agree with the other posters here, if you’re still heartbroken it’s really not the right time to be dating. Great advice to focus on yourself, set yourself some goals in other areas and build up your self esteem. Good luck OP, there is no reason why you won’t find someone in the future but now is not the time.

OP you are so far away from dating right now . Please dont try to find someone right now as you are in no frame of mind to know your worth
You will end up with someone who doesnt deserve you .
I know break ups hurt but focus on yourself and your little family until you know how fabulous you are !

The poll on this might be misleading, as lots of people will put YANBU because you're not ready to date yet, not because you're unlovable.

You need to focus on you for the time being. Breakups are hard and the last thing you should do is leap into anything new in a panic. I would stay clear of dating for at least 6 months so that you can love yourself first.

Then, and only then is the time to start dating. I can't see that HSV 1 will be a problem as long as you tell a new partner before you get into a sexual relationship. People with HSV have very happy relationships. Maybe see if you can find a support group?

You definitely shouldn't even consider dating judging by things you say about yourself. Your low esteem doesn't bode well for any relationship. Maybe get some counselling and build up your esteem and then, when you are happy with yourself and your situation, you will be in a better place to experience dating and romantic relationships.

You can't find someone to love you when you don't feel lovable. You will end up with an abusive bastard.

Have some therapy, work on your self-esteem, heal your heartbreak and when you feel loveable again, you can think about dating.

Agree ! Stay single for a decent while
And focus on yourself , your self esteem

Why the rush to date again ? What’s dating doing to provide