Feel guilty not taking child to clubs?

[Lonelyflower80]

My DD (5) is an only child. My DH and I work full time. I've just seen a post on a facebook group of mothers of girls in her class saying they've all signed their girls up to rainbows. It starts at 5pm. There is no way DH or I will be able to get her there on time with work. There is also a swimming class most of her friends go to that, starting at 4:30pm, my DD cant go to. I feel like she will miss out and not establish as close friends when nearly all girls in her year go to these after school club. This guilt is made worse by her being an only child.

Anyone else feel/felt like this? Am I being unreasonable?

Yanbu about clubs in general but she probably will feel like she misses out. Swimming is a life skill rather than a fun play with friends though. Surely you could do a weekend class?

It's difficult with working long hours. But she gets 'club time' at after-school/childminder.

I would investigate swimming though, a weekend class or evening. At the local pool classes are available 7 days a week, into the evenings during the week.

I take it you're not in the UK? At the moment no clubs are open here anyway.

If clubs are still running where you are, try not to feel guilty. They aren't essential, especially not at age 5. As she gets older there may be clubs run by her school that will be easier to fit in. And if not, you can still promote friendships by giving her opportunities to meet with friends at the weekends or in the holidays.

One thing covid has taught me is that my kids are much happier not being ferried about from here to there for endless activities.

You have to work. A roof over her head is more important than brownies.

What does your daughter want? I think that would be a good starting point. If the is keen to go, you can try and figure out logistics and practicalities when it becomes relevant. If on the other hand she doesn't have any interest, you don't have a problem.

Most of my school friends went to rainbows and brownies when I was a child. I couldn't think of anything worse and wasn't in the least bit interested.

If you're concerned for her or feel she is missing out and there is no way at all that the clubs you've mentioned would be workable, speak to her about things she might be interested in doing and then look for classes or clubs that fit your schedule. It's good to make friendships outside of school groups too.

Personally, i think if you have an only child you really do need to make a lot of extra effort on extracurriculars and clubs etc, otherwise you run the risk of a very lonely child.

Could you or your DH flex your hours one or two days a week? Do 7-3 rather than 9-5?

What does she do after school?

If she's in after school club or childminder with other children her age, she'll make those friends there. If she's looked after by a family member, could they take her?

I agreed with my work I'll take my lunch at the end of the day when I have DSDs clubs -gymnastics, brownies, horse riding. Works for us and my works pretty understanding and lets me grab 15/20 minutes for something to eat still. With lockdown we've signed her up for the ballet coach so she can do dancing and doesn't get bored or feel like she's missing out and gymnastics is also one zoom. Could something like the ballet coach help? She can then do dance lessons, from home and at a time/date for you as all the videos are saved. A lot of gymnastics clubs are doing zoom classes and some are taking non-members

Is there a mum who could collect your daughter from after-school club/childminder and drop her at Rainbows? You could presumably do the pick-up at the end in return.

But don't worry if she doesn't do all the same after-school things as other children - as others have said, she may be getting some of the club-feel if she's in an after-school club. There will be other options for swimming, too. Beware too many after-school activities anyway, at that age - it can be very tiring for them.