To give my elderly, recently bereaved neighbour a copy of ‘Badger’s Parting Gifts’

[ZoolInMyFridge]

My dear neighbour recently lost her husband. It was sudden, and a shock. She is now completely alone as her only son died in his twenties - in a car accident. She only told me this recently - I didn’t know she had a son. She is such a kind hearted, considerate - but nervous lady. I told her that when my Dad passed away, I read my daughter the story of ‘Badgers Parting Gifts’. It’s a beautiful book, and I do sometimes think children’s books express things in a better way than adult books. I want to pop it through her letter box, but it’s a very sweet, emotional book (I cry every time I read it). So this is more Am I Being Appropriate than AIBU?

OP I’m sorry about your dad, there are trigger points everywhere, aren’t there?
But who knows, you and you neighbour may become very important to each other in the years ahead so just continue to be the caring person you are, check in regularly and remember she’s got a long old road ahead too, and may need you more in a few months time than now.

No , don’t. What bereaved people need is other people to recognise their bereavement by talking to them, and allowing them to talk, about the person who has died, or about the price of eggs or the weather or whatever they choose. Badgers Parting gifts is a book to explain death to a child, with respect, your neighbour is not a child, and knows from experience what death means. It is lovely that you care about her, but please treat her as an adult, if she doesn’t have a lot of family then she might not have many people to talk to who remember her husband. A real gift you could give her is the opportunity to share her memories, photographs and sadness with another human being.

Sorry, just read your update and saw that you have reconsidered the book. You sound like a very kind and considerate person, I am sure you will think of many little ways to support your neighbour through these early days.

You aren’t being selfish at all, it’s very kind you are thinking of her.

I think people are right about the book. But how bout dropping a card and small present off for her, and then inviting her for supper every so often when lockdown is over.

Thank goodness you have decided against it. I agree with the person who said it would have been patronising and just not normal. Write a note and offer help.

I'm very glad you've reconsidered the book. There are loads of great ways to show support on here, I'm sure you'll be able to bring her comfort.

It was a kind thought, but in the circumstances I think you’ve made the right decision not to. Being there for her is wonderful. You sound like a really nice person to know x