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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Everything for free!

66 replies

GordonsAliveAndEatsPies · 23/01/2021 13:45

I am probably going to get a pasting for this, but why does everyone expect everything for "free".

Went onto a local group earlier and someone wants to be gifted a cage for a guinea pig because they "can't afford one". Considering it's a pretty basic equipment for an animal and shows a lack of consideration about any ongoing costs, do people ever think, I might not be able to do something, so I might have to make other arrangements? ie: not get the animal in the first place, or find it another home if it's an addition.

I know people are struggling and as I say, I am sure i will be told it's people's right to do what they want... but where does it stop?

OP posts:
HandfulofDust · 23/01/2021 14:42

@2021hwg

Yea to me it's all about the tone, for example. "My Hamster cage is damaged, before I buy a new one, does anyone have one they aren't using anymore". To me that's sensible recycling.
Exactly. That would be fine and if they get given one I'd hope they'd give the person a proper thank you. It's much better to reuse than buy new and more often than not the other person is happy to be rid of some clutter they don't need.

It does annoy me though when you offer something for free on a local group and people act as though they're highly paying customers. I offered a whole bundle of great condition toddler books. Someone said they wanted it within minutes, turned out they wanted it delivered as they don't drive (OK I can deliver but didn't appreciate the tone of their comment 'you'll have to drive it round I don't have a car'). Then a week later she said her son had finished reading them and could I come and collect them from her as they were in the way. I'm not your personal mobile library!

SchrodingersImmigrant · 23/01/2021 14:42

There is a big difference between "Anyone has a cage they want to get rid off for free? Just so it gets reused rather than goung to bin"
"And. I am buying an animal but I can't even afford the cage so can someone give me one".

The first is fine, why not. The latter is a problem and I eould be questioning whether they actually can afford to feed the animal and provide other bits considering guinea pig cage goes for as little as 40 quid.

Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 23/01/2021 14:43

I used to give a lot on our local freecycle. But the phrase 'I know it's a big ask, but....' started to wind me up. One person actually asked for a caravan of any type so he could take his son to the seaside!

Also, when the world was normal, one day I was browsing a market stall and heard one stallholder say to the other that they got most of their stuff from freecycle! I am sure it's supposed to be to help people out, not provide stock for people to sell.

I give everything to a charity shop now.

BigusBumus · 23/01/2021 14:44

I get it the other way as well....We are quite financially well off as are many of our friends. If i offer, say, some boys trainers for free on a FB selling site, one of my well-off friends invariably says "Oh I'll have them for xxx, I'll pop round for them! Pisses me right off. Leave them for people that actually need them FFS and not just as yet another pair for your son!

HandfulofDust · 23/01/2021 14:48

@BigusBumus Oh god that reminds me of a friend who was collecting some clothes for a local organisation which helps people who are struggling. Turns out she'd taken out the nice stufff for her kids because 'the charity kids don't need designer gear anyway'. I never donated anything via her again!

TokyoSushi · 23/01/2021 14:50

Oh yes, very prolific around here too, but just as a little extra many of these people would like the free item delivering to them too! Hmm

BikeRunSki · 23/01/2021 14:51

@HandfulofDustShock that’s disgraceful!

Thesearmsofmine · 23/01/2021 14:53

Like others I think it depends on the tone, I would ask for a cage or fish tank or whatever before buying one, just because people always seem to be getting rid of them and it seems wasteful to buy one when I could reuse one.

I have seen people who say they are desperate but are then really picky though and will only accept a certain brand or colour etc. I offered someone a perfectly good pushchair but was turned down because it had a yellow hood and she wanted pink,

WellJuhnelle · 23/01/2021 14:55

There was a woman on our local neighbourhood site asking for a free TV, she said she was desperate. Somebody responded saying they had a 28 inch one that she was welcome to and the turned it down because she ‘wanted at least 42 inches’. I read it and was Shock

lockeddownandcrazy · 23/01/2021 14:59

This reply has been deleted

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EmergencyHydrangea · 23/01/2021 14:59

There's no harm in asking

EmergencyHydrangea · 23/01/2021 15:04

@lockeddownandcrazy

Its the same as being on benefits and expecting top ups, free school meals, free vouchers for this that and the other as you pop out ad lib kids because it is your right to have them even though you cant afford them.
Right? let's just let kids starve and wear threadbare clothes
TellerTuesday4EVA · 23/01/2021 15:07

What really gets me is when people go on and say has anyone got a X? Must be in excellent condition. Always feel like saying - Well if you want excellent condition you'd be best off going to a shop for one!!

HotSauceCommittee · 23/01/2021 15:11

I love giving away my stuff that I no longer want if it makes people happy.
I don't ask for free things, but someone lovely was giving away some stone garden pots and she let me have them. What goes around comes around, sometimes, I reckon.

luxxlisbon · 23/01/2021 15:13

This is geerally what local facebooks pages are for though. Plenty of time the other person is happy to get rid of it.

When I needed a baby gate for a short period of time I asked on FB is anyone was getting rid of one on the off chance before I bought one. In the end loads of people near me were having a clear out and had one to giveaway.

If you aren't using something anymore what is wrong with it going to someone else who could use it?

Sallygoround631 · 23/01/2021 15:19

I always think we should cast a shrew eye over our own faults, and give judging other people's a rest.
it actually made me feel worse about the world, and myself, when I was perpetually observant of everyone else's failings.
shining a light on my own shit helped me to take back a sense of control.

so yeh, wind your neck in.
the world is pretty batshit, don't let it boil your piss.

LittleLottieChaos · 23/01/2021 15:25

Have you ever tried just giving things away for free? It’s a really nice feeling. Plus it’s a great way to recycle and reuse. I often buy job lots at auction and have enjoyed giving away what I don’t need or want. I’m lucky to be a position that I can. I think if society could work on its attitude towards giving things away being normalised, it would be cool. There will always be chancers but I can’t see the harm. What are you going to do, take it all with you when you die?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 23/01/2021 15:29

Some of the posters here are misunderstanding the issue.

KirstenBlest · 23/01/2021 15:33

I use free sites. Offer and respond to offers.

Offers usually result in no reponses or lots of responses.

Lots of responses usually mean a few grabby replies, some replies where they haven't read the offer properly, polite responses, and sob story responses. The polite ones are the ones likely to get it.

What is annoying is responding to someone who seems to have an urgent need for something, and then not bothering to collect it.

Good is offering something that is no longer needed and is just taking up cupboard space, and giving it to someone being delighted with it when they collect it.

Stellaris22 · 23/01/2021 15:34

Giving things away is different to demanding things for free. It is also about the tone of a request.

I give things away when I no longer need them and are of good quality still, either to charity stores or on Gumtree, things like old cots.

rainylake · 23/01/2021 15:37

I like giving away things I don't need any more on sites like Freegle. I don't have any problem with people putting up "looking for" posts on there.

However there are some cheeky fuckers for sure. I remember we once put a sofa up (good quality) and someone messaged "yes I'd like this but will need you to deliver it to my house in town 10 miles away". Er... no, love, think I'll offer it to the other person who wrote back politely and said they would come with a van and what time would suit us.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 23/01/2021 15:42

There are very few such posts that say

"Before I go out and buy all new does anyone have any of the below for sale/give away..."

We did that and got very few answers. But a begging post got supplied in less than a day.

Nothing as weird as Facebook Folks!

peak2021 · 23/01/2021 16:12

People can ask. And can receive a MN classic response- No. Which is a complete sentence.

twinsguineas · 23/01/2021 16:14

It's not unheard of to have to separate guinea pigs if one is ill or injured or if they suddenly start to fight.

hiredandsqueak · 23/01/2021 16:16

On our local freecycle group there is one who must have furnished his house and garden three times over by now if every want ad is answered. In the last couple of weeks he's asked for a shed, chicken coop, garden furniture, tent, camping equipment, a caravan and a car (must be a runner with tax and MOT)
Then there is one who posts with very specific requests sofa, three seater, leather, good condition, need to deliver. Dining furniture, wooden table, six chairs preferably leather, good condition, must deliver. Curtains, two pairs floor length cream, beige or black only no patterns must deliver. I'm almost tempted to link to the Argos website.
I regularly offer on there, often it's the same people reply "I'll have it" but I always offer to the first person to use please tbh.