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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let this go

53 replies

Sleepdeprived42long · 23/01/2021 13:41

Out on daily walk with DH and DSs(8 and 6). Walk involves going over aqueduct. Narrow path but enough for people to pass in opposite direction. Just as we are approaching end (probably about 5m away), elderly man on a motorised quad, turns into path over aqueduct starts coming towards us. There is no room for us to pass him. We stop and he stops. He says to us to climb up onto railing at edge of path (not water side) to get past. I say no-it’s icy and it’s not safe for my children (gaps between railings). He says that he does this every day and that’s what everyone does. I say he can reverse and then we can get past and he can go on his way. He says he can’t reverse. (I admit I’m starting to get a bit pissed off by now!) I threaten to call police as I don’t think he’s allowed a quad bike on the path anyway. He says he’s not moving. My kids and DH are getting upset now so I say we will walk back along aqueduct and he will just have to follow us-which is what he did. I took a picture of him following us-although taken without permission obvs.

I hate confrontation but I would never do anything that I though would be unsafe for my kids. My DH says let it go but I’m so annoyed at this man-if I thought it was a one off fine but he says he does it ‘every day’.

YANU-you should let this go.
YANBU-you should take this further (I could report to path owners-they are public body- I don’t think Police would be interested tbh)

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepdeprived42long · 23/01/2021 13:42

Sorry that should be ‘YABU’-you should let this go’ at end

OP posts:
WINKINGatyourage · 23/01/2021 13:47

I’d contact the police, it’s clearly a safety concern. This man doesn’t have the right to insist people climb on the railings to let him past. That’s extremely dangerous. He has no right of way.

cherish123 · 23/01/2021 13:48

I can't believe he asked you to climb up on the railings. How unsafe. I'd be annoyed but I'd let it go. The police won't do anything.

Original poster
Sleepdeprived42long · 23/01/2021 13:50

Thanks @WINKINGatyourage I was really starting to doubt myself like did I overreact? It is really dangerous! The drop on the other side of the railings is huge.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepdeprived42long · 23/01/2021 13:51

@cherish123 yeah I did wonder if the Police would be interested-I doubt it tbh

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 23/01/2021 13:51

If he genuinely couldn't reverse then he shouldn't have started down the path when you were already on it, its rude and so self important.

I'd be making a fuss about it... But then i can be like a dog with a bone sometimes.

MaelyssQ · 23/01/2021 13:52

Why on earth didn't he stop and let you past, before going onto the viaduct? Selfish man.

Was it a quad bike or a motorised wheelchair?

WINKINGatyourage · 23/01/2021 13:53

If it was the police in my town they would definitely go and speak to him. They would probably already know who he was if he says he does this all the time.

VillaMia · 23/01/2021 13:56

I'd have been really cross at the time, but think I would let it go now. The police are highly unlikely to do anything about it and the person who will be most affected by you not letting it go is you;.

GothamGirl1970 · 23/01/2021 13:56

I don’t like this person or his attitude but there are aholes all over the world. You have a partner and some gorgeous children. Write him off as an ahole and thank your lucky stars that you and your loving family will never be that way and erase him from your brain. He isn’t worth another nanosecond of your thoughts.
I did vote yanbu based on the fact that some idiot wanted to put your children in peril over getting somewhere 5 seconds faster and because he’s an ahole xx

Original poster
Sleepdeprived42long · 23/01/2021 13:57

@MaelyssQ it was a quad bike.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepdeprived42long · 23/01/2021 13:59

@VillaMia @GothamGirl1970 I know what you’re saying-I’ve already let it get to me today way more than I probably should have!

OP posts:
MrsMercedes · 23/01/2021 14:02

what if someone had a pram or dog? can't see a dog climbing the railings for him! or a pram for that matter

VillaMia · 23/01/2021 14:05

[quote Sleepdeprived42long]**@VillaMia* @GothamGirl1970* I know what you’re saying-I’ve already let it get to me today way more than I probably should have![/quote]
He was an obvious arsehole, but I wonder if there's more to it that is gnawing at you. You say that you don't like confrontation. You felt your children could've been in an unsafe position. And in all of this, you are the one who has protected you all - your DH seems to have been quite passive in the whole incident. I wonder if there's something there about you not feeling safe/protected by your DH?

Mittens030869 · 23/01/2021 14:09

I would be as angry as you, and yes I would recommend reporting this man. Not just because I was angry with him but because I would be very concerned that there would be a serious accident one day. I can’t say for sure whether I would do so myself, though, admittedly.

Original poster
Sleepdeprived42long · 23/01/2021 14:10

@VillaMia you are very perceptive! I think I’m upset about the incident itself but also because DH didn’t support me-he was saying just climb the railing! And then afterwards he was embarrassed that I’d said anything to the man. That is definitely getting to me too!

OP posts:
pictish · 23/01/2021 14:14

The police won’t be remotely interested in this most trivial of altercations.
I’m with your dh. You met a dickhead, you do get them. You stood your ground and no harm came to any of you. What’s to ‘report’?

VillaMia · 23/01/2021 14:16

[quote Sleepdeprived42long]@VillaMia you are very perceptive! I think I’m upset about the incident itself but also because DH didn’t support me-he was saying just climb the railing! And then afterwards he was embarrassed that I’d said anything to the man. That is definitely getting to me too![/quote]
And now he's saying just drop it, which is really quite invalidating. We've all advised you to drop it/don't drop it in relation to the arsehole on a quad bike. But the feeling between you and your DH doesn't need to be dropped...if this is a familiar feeling/pattern, then perhaps you need to find a way to explore it with your DH.

Original poster
Sleepdeprived42long · 23/01/2021 14:17

@pictish I see your point. I suppose if I did report to the owner of the path, even if not the police, I would be doing it for the safety of others who may come across the same situation in future?

OP posts:
pictish · 23/01/2021 14:18

If reporting him to someone will make you feel better, then I guess you could track down the land owner and tell them. Nothing will come of it but ok.

Original poster
Sleepdeprived42long · 23/01/2021 14:19

@VillaMia you’re absolutely right. I’m not one to brush things under the carpet with DH so will need to talk about that. Even if I decide not to take issue itself further.

OP posts:
pictish · 23/01/2021 14:22

Personally I would have just hopped over like he suggested...and if I felt my kids were unsafe I’d stay put and wait for him to pass before going back on the path. I think he assumed you’d get out of his way as most people would. Quad bikes don’t have a reverse gear.

Denny53 · 23/01/2021 14:24

Why not get in touch with your local councillor re there even being a right of way for quad bikes. If there isn’t maybe the council can put a sign up?

pictish · 23/01/2021 14:24

There’s every chance the man IS the land owner btw...or works for him.

evouk · 23/01/2021 14:25

I would let the local police know. If he goes daily then they might be able to find him, probably the same time most days

His attitude sounds absolutely ridiculous. I'm surprised your husband didn't get involved. Did he have a numberplate? Road legal quads do

He should have waited for you to get to the end and then come through. If it's a footpath I can't imagine him being allowed on there, bridle way then yes but he still needs speaking to as his attitude stinks