AIBU to think it's the uncertainty that's so difficult to deal with?

[Radio4Rocks]

Listening to Radio 4 this morning the "thought for the day" speaker was saying that people are craving certainty. And there is none and that's causing a great deal of distress. I agree with him.

Having hopes constantly dashed is exhausting. We were given hope that September would be the key to the way back to normality but here we are back in lockdown. Hopes for family Christmases were dashed.

I honestly think I could deal with it better if they said it will be a year before the clinically vulnerable (me) should consider leaving their homes other than in an emergency. It's very likely that schools may not open fully until Easter or even later but Gav gives false hope. If you know where you are it's easier to cope.

The constant hope of better times is so dispiriting when they can't happen. And I do understand why they can't happen. The scientists have been honest with us the politicians haven't. Johnson and pals keep giving us false hope - when even they know the truth. But he's afraid of his back benchers and party donors so eases up too quickly and plunges us back into lockdown.

AIBU to think the constant false hope and uncertainty is causing more distress than the actual lockdown?

It's mentally healthy to have things to look forward to, but the uncertainty makes planning anything virtually impossible ☹️ So I agree with you, I can deal with whatever, it's the not knowing that makes the situation harder.

Yes I agree wholeheartedly with this. It's very hard mentally.

Nothing to aim for... just plodding on

Yes definitely agree iv been saying the same . The things that are important to me I keep thinking stay positive It will happen soon IE seeing loved ones who live abroad but iv been saying that since last March and no idea now if things will happen anytime soon either . Thoroughly depressing

I could not agree with you more.. it's the uncertainty that screws with my head, more than the restrictions. At the moment I am dealing with things by taking the view that this is life now, and there is no fixed end date (even though I do believe restrictions will end). It's just easier.

Over the last year there have been times when my AA meetings have been operating in person, and my gym has been open. However I did not go to either of them because I couldn't deal with the trauma of getting attached to these (for me) lifelines, then having them taken away. Knowing they are not available to me I can do. Knowing they can be taken away for some spurious reason with no notice I can not.

You've hit the nail on the head there. This explains a lot for me

I think the choice was between "we'll be doing this for a year or more" or "random hopeful thoughts". Both would have been dreadful and I do think the first would have been more harmful, although they are both harmful.

That’s what I find the worst; as depressing as it sounds I’ve learnt not to look forward to things too much because it can all change overnight (Christmas being a good example). I worry about how things I rely on for sanity (like nurseries being open) might suddenly close. I’ve prepared myself lockdown to last into the summer because its easier to manage than my hopes being dashed constantly. It really annoys me when Boris Johnson talks about a return to normality as we just know it’s so unlikely

I completely agree, it's the uncertainty i find hardest and being CEV feel like a yo-yo with switching from WFH and back to my actual work place. I'd rather be told that we have another year of this than the false hope if it being better by easter/Christmas etc. Going in and out if lock down is awful and agree hopes were raised for Christmas period where could see family although I understand why.

I know what you mean. I feel completely fed up today. All our plans and hopes have been dashed, or at best put on long-term hold. We can’t plan beyond the present.

Yes of course the uncertainty makes it worse but yabu in thinking there is a way round that. As much as I loathe the government and as much as they've cocked this up, they simply can't predict certain things like when kids will go back to school or when you'll be able to go on holiday. It isn't possible. The best way of dealing with it is simply accepting this is how it is and at the moment we just have to take each week as it comes. There's nothing else to be done.

They really ought to have done it based on numbers, not time frame. I.e. said XYZ can open/must close when hospital numbers reduce to/increase to XYZ.

Also, partly because this government is very reactionary and U-turns at the last minute, and partly because we are living though an ever- changing situation - it is impossible to believe what the government say. Even assuming they are speaking in good faith, the information changes so the guidance changes. Even if Boris did give a press conference assuring us of a timed, structured route out of lockdown no one would believe it any more anyway. It would take me at least a year after restrictions had been lifted for me to trust that life would stay that way and I believe others feel the same.

It also seems so clear to me that the government give us timescales based on what their behavioural scientists say the public will accept, rather than any real prospective end date to the health pandemic. At Christmas we were told mid Feb -well, people were assuming the first couple of months of 2021 would be grim, so we as the public accepted that. Now we're being encouraged to swallow the shit sandwich of it being a bit later, now we've all got over the Christmas fiasco and have been indoctrinated with all the crying NHS workers on the news. See also "we only need to flatten the curve" and "it'll be reviewed in 3 weeks". All based solely on what we the public will accept without any drop in compliance.

The worst example of this for me was the government "saving" the news of the more transmissible South African strain until we had vaccines that were proven to work. News of the new strain was received by the government in September (proof of this widely available in mainstream media) but kept quiet until we had a vaccine in November/December. Because, when this more transmissible strain was announced immediately after the vaccine news, people swallowed this carrot -and-stick approach to needing to stick to the restrictions. Had it been announced in a timely fashion in September, the public would have said - well we tried lockdown and it didn't work! The virus just became more transmissible. We won't adhere to the government imposed restrictions.

See also yesterday's press conference. It was called because a minimum of 70 tory backbenchers called for a press conference to give us a road map out of lockdown. Instead, a distraction technique was used- we've just found out that covid is "more deadly"!! Be scared everyone! (Except that actually hasn't been proven at all.)

I was saying just that last night. If we knew that it was 2 weeks, or six weeks, or even 3 months, then we could start to plan and start to accept it. But having NO IDEA when life can become normal again is what's hard. Presumably pubs and restaurants will open again, and unnecessary shops, but will soft play? Will theatre shows and large gigs be able to begin again? We all assumed that life would be back to normal by now, and I certainly didn't think schools would close again. Is a single household walk in the park going to be the only pleasure we're allowed for years?

I agree, it would be easier to cope if there was an end date rather than wishy washy predictions.

Yes, I think it would be far better for everyone to cope with if Bojo didn’t keep giving people false hope. If he was just honest from the off and said ‘I don’t think we’ll be out of lockdown until the spring’, people would accept that more than thinking it will be mid February. He’s constantly changing the goalposts and it isn’t fair.

Agree wholeheartedly. I'm finding it hard when the kids ask about stuff - last year we were all saying it would soon, now I don't know what to say. Last year we planned and managed to go on two UK holidays, this year I don't know if I can bring myself to book anywhere in case it goes wrong. I'm trying to live day to day and stop thinking about all the things we can't do, but that seems to have stopped me thinking about having anything to look forward to. Not sure what's worse.

You have to find the things where you do have certainty and keep bringing yourself back to the present. That's how people cope with non-pandemic shitty uncertain situations like major illness.

They aren't making certain announcements about staying inside for a year because they can't offer certainty there. And I don't think people would cope with hearing that anyway.

We can be certain we are in this for the long haul and we are better off living in the present.

It's not possible to give any certainty, no one knows how this is going to play out. All we can do is watch the figures and react accordingly.

I've optimistically booked a holiday for June half term. I'll get a full refund if we need to cancel.

Agree - I'm finding the best way is to concentrate on the next 10 minutes and only that!

Having said that, we all have a false sense of certainty normally which isn't true or accurate. It just makes us feel in control.

And you can look forward to things in your daily life. It's about adjusting your horizons to match your circumstances.

So you can't look forward to a holiday, you look forward to your favourite food for dinner or enjoying an appearance of the sun on a frosty day or whatever pleasurable moments you can pay attention to each day. The stuff you don't normally notice because you're focused on what you want to do in 8 months from now.

Which again is what people living with life limiting or major illness are told to do when they no longer have a long term future at all.

@Royalbloo

Having said that, we all have a false sense of certainty normally which isn't true or accurate. It just makes us feel in control.

Very true.

Also we are living at a point in time where, in Western society at least, very little has really happened in terms of events like this. The second world war lasted 4 years. The Spanish flu pandemic lasted 2 years. There was the bubonic plague, the sweating sickness and all kinds of other events humanity has lived through and come out the other side of.

Expecting it to be over with in 3 months was not realistic and frankly no scientist ever thought that it was.

That doesn't mean it isn't shit, it really is and I feel as isolated and as miserable as anyone else. If I thought too far into the future trying to speculate what will and won't happen I'd crack up. So I don't. I've made peace with the uncertainty, live in the now and have to just try to appreciate the joys which are still available to me. I do not think we are in a situation which is going to continue as it is now for years (as some posters seem to!). I have great hope that the vaccines will hugely improve things for most of us. But I do accept that, at best, it will almost certainly be on/off lockdown for the rest of the year. That's not to say we will be in the situation we are in now til December. More likely it will be a repeat of last year when more opened up in the Summer. I have reached this prediction from reading what the scientists have to say. But at the end of the day I don't know. Neither do they. Science is not absolute. Knowledge is continually evolving. They aren't being woolly or vague on purpose, they simply don't have the answers. Imagine if they'd said in March last year that we'd probably still be battling with this and having lockdowns into winter 2021. They could not have said it. They simply did not know. Posters at the time who were speculating we would still be in lockdown until that point were doing just that - speculating. The fact they were right does not mean it wasn't pure speculation at that point.

Personally I think people should refrain from stating prediction as fact. My opinion stated above is just that- my opinion.

Completely agree! We are on the verge of cancelling wedding date number 3 (first was in lockdown 1, second just as we were put into tier 4 and third in March).

I totally get why it's necessary but at least if we had some realistic idea we could plan a date that may actually happen....the uncertainty is taking a big toll (even more so on our suppliers who are having their livelihoods completely trashed for an indefinite period)