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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I wrong to feel angry about this?

7 replies

Allispretty · 22/01/2021 23:06

To cut a long story short I've been with DP 5 years we met when ds was 4. He has no children and really he's had to learn or I've had to argue with him about how different children are there is no one fits all. Anyway ds has been an on/off poor sleeper, I was the same as a child over active imagination would get up during the night and sleep on the landing because I was petrified of my room 🤦🏽‍♀️...

Ds wakes during the night and shouts me really loud until I go to his room and either tuck him in or if he's had a really bad nightmare I sleep with him. All had settled and no waking for around a year however it's started again recently (ds is 8).

DP asks me why he's doing it I said I don't know apart from it's difficult at the minute with lockdown he's likely anxious etc and kids don't show it like we do plus he's having far to much screen time. He then told me "well I was telling xxx (his mate) about it and he couldn't believe he still wakes up"

I feel really annoyed about this! One it's as if he's having conversations with people I don't know and judging my parenting. Two he's doing nothing to help the situation and piling it all on me and three he's having little compassion or idea of how different kids are and what might actually be going on is ds head to wake him ups

Im not looking for anyone to tell me my child should t be waking up at this age I already know that I just feel hurt by the conversation and I've stormed off to bed In a mood but now wondering if aibu

OP posts:
Besiegedbykillersquirrels · 22/01/2021 23:14

Do you ever talk to your friends about your partner/child/home life? If you do then I'm not sure it's fair to be annoyed at your partner for doing the same. He probably just shouldn't have told you about it, but I don't think it's fair to ban your partner from talking about things like this with his friends. The way be brought it up was wrong though, definitely. I've been waking up at odd hours and having all manner of strange dreams during the lockdowns and I'm an adult so I shouldn't think it strange that a child does this also.

Allispretty · 22/01/2021 23:16

@Besiegedbykillersquirrels

Do you ever talk to your friends about your partner/child/home life? If you do then I'm not sure it's fair to be annoyed at your partner for doing the same. He probably just shouldn't have told you about it, but I don't think it's fair to ban your partner from talking about things like this with his friends. The way be brought it up was wrong though, definitely. I've been waking up at odd hours and having all manner of strange dreams during the lockdowns and I'm an adult so I shouldn't think it strange that a child does this also.

Totally agree and your right I probably should have mentioned I don't take issue with this and expect it but it's the goady way he said "well I spoke to xxx" made me feel like utter shit...

OP posts:
Weirdfan · 22/01/2021 23:18

I don't think you're being unreasonable no OP and I wouldn't be letting anyone dictate to me how I parented my child either so keep doing what you're doing, DS clearly needs you atm. I'd be keeping a close eye on DP's behaviour/attitude to DS too, I get that it's difficult being a step parent (I'm one too) but it's a bad sign if you feel pulled between DP and DS. I've always felt my job is to support my DH to be the best parent he can be and acknowledged that there are times when I just need to butt out, this is one of those times for your DP imo and it's not good that he isn't realising that, much less canvassing opinion from his friends. Does his friend have kids btw? The pandemic is hard on all of us and especially the kids, trust your gut about what your DS needs and don't let DP make you doubt yourself.

Besiegedbykillersquirrels · 22/01/2021 23:27

Oh yes, I completely see why he made it sound like you're unreasonable because his mate agrees with him. You've got to think of your child first though, your partner can like it or lump it. Don't let him make you think his and his mate's opinions have any sway over how you look after your boy.

Allispretty · 22/01/2021 23:31

Thank you both, @Weirdfan yes agree I've been thinking about this tonight and I'm going to be keeping an eye on this the last thing I want is anymore tension or negativity in the house at the minute

OP posts:
Weirdfan · 22/01/2021 23:51

Maybe when you've calmed down a chat with DP might be in order, just to re-clarify that a) it's a difficult time and DS is bound to need some extra support and b) that you know DS best and you need him to support you, not make you feel pulled in two directions. Giving him the benefit of the doubt it's possible there are things he doesn't get because he doesn't have DC and it's reasonable to give him chance to understand and pull it round. It's fine for him to not get it right all the time (I certainly haven't!) but what matters is how willing he is to listen and make changes and follow your lead with your DS. Good luck Flowers

Wheresmykimchi · 23/01/2021 00:04

Nope I get it OP.

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