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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect other people to follow my safety rules in my house? (long, sorry)

21 replies

furrycat · 29/10/2007 15:38

Earlier this year ds1 has a horrendous accident when he suddenly reached out for a cup of boiling coffee on teh table and tipped it over himself. It was absolutely awful and we ended up in the burns unit. Thankfully, due to fantastic treatment, he is fine but it was the worst day of my life. After it happened Dh and I decided that when the kids are around we would only have hot drinks in the kitchen, pushed back on the work surface. We ask other people who come to our house to follow these rules and most do - but not everyone. DH's friends came round last week - I asked one to leave ihis drink on the side untl it had cooled but he ignored me and walked to the lounge where he sat on the sofa with it in his hand (a real no-no for me as the kids do bounce up on the sofas) and his other friend just left it on the coffee table. I was so angry I took teh kids into the other room. They KNOW what happened. I have now said to DH that I am going to tell people that if they won't follow our rules, they can't have hot drinks in our house, full stop. I know I'm neurotic but if you'd seen the state our baby was in after the accident, believe me, you would be too.

OP posts:

ImBarryScott · 29/10/2007 15:41

furrycat - sorry to hear about your Ds1 - hope he's ok. Perhaps people aren't deliberately ignoring you, they are you forgetting, as they haven't had the experience you have had. My dd has just started crawling, and I keep forgetting to put things on high in my own house.
In the meantime, just keep reminding them. When my niece and nephew were small, my sister spent the whole time shouting "cups up!" at everyone til we got used to things.

Egg · 29/10/2007 15:41

I am with you on this. A friend's DD was burnt by a cup of hot tea. I do drink tea each morning with DS in the room (he is 20 months), but if he comes within a few feet of me I put it up on a shelf well out of his reach. I normally drink it tepid anyway as like it to brew for hours...

We had a friend of DH's round recently and he was very obliging when DH asked him to put his coffee out of reach of DS. I wouldn't dream of having hot drinks within reach of other people's DC's in their house, and although it may not cross some people's minds, esp those without children, if they have been asked then I do think it is only reasonable to expect them to do it.

stealthsquiggle · 29/10/2007 15:43

A friend's DS did the same thing as a toddler (same result, he is fine and you can't see where the burns were now) - they have never asked, but I have always been incredibly conscious of hot drinks in their house since then (and a lot more alert at home) - I think your rules are entirely reasonable in the circumstances. I would be tempted to go and take their drinks off them/ off the coffee table and taken them back in the kitchen. Alternatively just don't offer these particular friends a drink next time.

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 29/10/2007 15:43

yanbu dd has cp so I am ALWAYS moving peoples hot drinks.

morningpaper · 29/10/2007 15:54

I make them fairly COLD - add lots of milk or water if it's black - just a few degrees makes a big difference in terms of safety

no one can drink boiling drinks anyway!

SatanGeorge · 29/10/2007 15:57

Keep reminding them.

If it happens again don't move the kids, move the drinks back into the kitchen.

If they have to move every time they want a sip they will soon figure it out.

Ubergeekian · 30/10/2007 00:12

It's a two part question, really.

(1) Are you unreasonable to want people to stick to your rules? No, you are not. It's your house, your rules. However ...

(2) Are your rules unreasonable? Yes, probably. It sounds as if you are doing lot of guilt-ridden stable door bolting. Not even allowing your children to be in the room with someone who is - horrors - sitting on the settee holding a cup of tea in their hand (gasp) is a bit OTT to put it mildly.

berolina · 30/10/2007 01:03

YANBU.

ds1 is a very lively toddler and while he does seem to have a fairly strong sense of caution/safety too, I would never rely on it. Also, it's the principle, isn't it - how shockingly rude and disrespectful to simply ignore you.

sunnydelight · 30/10/2007 01:22

Your house, your rules, YANBU. This is really just common sense, but we often get careless and don't think about it until something awful happens like it did to your child. Personally I would have told your DH's friend to come back into the kitchen with his drink, if he ignored me I would have gone and taken it off him. Next time he comes offer him water. They know what happened, even if they think it's a bit OTT they should have the good grace to humour you!

seeker · 30/10/2007 07:37

You are nnot being unreasonable to expect people to follow your safety rules in your house, but I wonder if you are perhaps being just a little over the top with the rule itself. I know that you had a horrible experience and you don't want anything like that to happen again, but I wouldn't like never to have a cup of tea sitting in my living room again! Maybe you could start to think about moving on? I broke a glass in our kitchen when dd was little. I thought I had swept up every tiny bit, but a few weeks later, dd had a scarily infected foot and it turned out she had a sliver of glass in it. I resisted the temptation to make everyone dring out of plastic glasses for ever on - but it was a near thing!

Original poster

furrycat · 30/10/2007 08:00

Seeker, I disagree deeply about "moving on". A terible accident happened and could so easily happen again. Speaking to the hospital staff it does happen, time and time again. Why risk in happening now we are evenm ore acutely awatre of the risks?

OP posts:

Original poster

furrycat · 30/10/2007 08:07

sorry about the typos in that sentence..I'm a bit het up. I just can't see the point in saying, oh well, it happened, and let's not bother to make sure it doesn't happen again.

OP posts:

seeker · 30/10/2007 08:08

I don't mean moving on as in forgetting about it - of course I don't, you'll never do that. I mean as in relaxing just a little bit. Apart from anything else - your dcs need to know about hot things - what if you were in somebody elses house and you dcs didn't know that a mug on a table might be hot?

Lorayn · 30/10/2007 08:19

No, you are not being unreasonable, your house, your rules.
A cup of tea can still burn a child after 20 minutes
If people come into my house they have to understand that I have rules for the safety of my children and they will adhere to them or they can expect me to keep repeating myself.
If that had been my DP's friends I would have told them to put the bloody cups back in the kitchen until they either drank it so fast it burned their throat or did as I asked.

LoveAngel · 30/10/2007 08:38

YANBU - or neurotic. Of course, after what happened, you want to take every precaution to make sure it doesn't happen again. Visitors to yoir home must respect that, surely - and your husband should support you in making it clear to everyone what goes in your house.

maisemor · 01/11/2007 16:00

Yanbu not wanting your son to get burnt again.

Part of me though thinks that you might want to ease up a bit on the rule. How is your son ever going to learn that he is not to run, flay with his arms or legs etc when he is around hot drinks when all the adults are drinking their hot drinks in the kitchen, leaning over the counter? That is just weird.
Adults need to learn to be more observant when they are around children and be one step ahead of them and their flaying little bodies (teach them when it is okay to be a goof head and when it is pure and simply not safe).

I also don't think that if you insist on this rule, you will end up not getting a lot of visitors.

The other part of me, the part where I as a child got burnt on numerous occasions by irons, tea and once even by hot chocolate on my own birthday once, says bring it on.

SoupDragon · 01/11/2007 16:11

Personally I think the one who put it on the coffee table was completely wrong but the one who kept hold of it was OK and, in fact, the children should be taught not to jump/bounce on the sofa at all or at least when other people are sitting on it. (says she who is constantly telling BabyDragon not to bounce [sigh])

I guess, IMO, I think your rules are over stringent but if those are your rules, they should be followed.

wb · 01/11/2007 16:17

YANBU - whilst your children are very small, anyway. I was scalded by a pot of coffee as a child and have never forgotten the pain of it (tho luckily scars have long since vanished). Am consequently very careful about ds (2) and hot liquids.

but, I think as they get older it would be safer to relax this rule and teach them to be wary of teas/coffees as they will undoubtably encounter these in other peoples hoses, cafes etc etc.

We put hot (not boiling)drinks on the floor - so in reach but can't be tipped over ds head,trunk iyswim and I warn him every time he comes in 1m range. He is now v. good at steering clear

wb · 01/11/2007 16:18

other peoples houses, I meant

bozza · 01/11/2007 16:23

How old are your children? I agree wtih soupy re the holding cup versus putting down and also teaching your children not to bounce on sofa when someone sat on it.

cleaninglady · 01/11/2007 16:41

yanbu - hot drinks and children - a receipe for disaster! keeping hold of the cup however you might need to let happen and also agree with the kids not bouncing on furniture when adults sat on it or ever if your in my house

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