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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Need some tough love today

23 replies

CharlotteRose90 · 22/01/2021 17:41

Please no judging I’m really struggling today. So a few days ago I posted saying I was really broody. Anyway yesterday I had an ultrasound on my ovaries and got a phone call this morning from the consultant with the results. As well as having pcos which I knew I’ve also got something called adenomyosis which is quite bad. I asked what this means and she said it means I’m most likely infertile and will have trouble if I tried ivf as only 1 in 500 have a successful pregnancy.

I’m so shaken up over it. I know I’m single and 30/31 but honestly thought I’d meet someone soon and fall pregnant. Feel like my whole world has been taken away. Had to tell my parents as they’ve asked about grandkids before.

Just need a kick up the arse I think to accept it and move on. My appetites gone which doesn’t help but I’ll have a day of feeling sorry for myself and keep crying.

OP posts:

OurChristmasMiracle · 22/01/2021 17:43

No you don’t need tough love. You have just had a major change to what you thought was going to be in your future. You are grieving for the life you thought you would one day have that you now have a lesser chance of.

I am sorry this is happening to you. Take all the time you need. Cry. And maybe think about getting some counselling just to talk through all the feelings that this raise for you.

BlueSuffragette · 22/01/2021 17:57

So sorry OP. Please consider getting counselling to help you talk about this. There may be options in the future such as use of donor eggs. You have had a real shock so be kind to yourself and take time to process the information. Best wishes x

Pundemmic · 22/01/2021 18:05

OP I am so sorry for the bad news. I remember being told I might be infertile and how painful it was. I did have children in the end as did many of my friends who were told similar. Please don’t give up hope. There are other options available if and when the time comes. Take some time to process the news and cry it must have been a huge shock for you. All the best x

Dancingdolphins · 22/01/2021 18:10

Oh you don't need tough love, you need time to adjust and be kind to yourself.

I know how awful it is, I was told I was infertile and my ivf chances were low. Ivf itself didn't go well and my cycle was almost cancelled for not responding but in the end it did work even though I got a tiny number of eggs and my husband's sperm was crap.

What I mean is don't give up hope, there are options such as donor eggs but it's ok to not want to think about that now and just be sad for a while. Sending a very unmumsnetty hug

Hotzenplotz · 22/01/2021 18:12

Very sorry to hear this OP.

Iliketeaagain · 22/01/2021 18:13

Goodness me, tough love is the exact opposite of what you need at the moment.

You need to give yourself time to come to terms with what you've heard, and you will potentially feel like you are grieving how you envisaged your future would be.

Be nice to yourself, tea, wine, cake, cry - allow yourself time to cry, shout, whatever you need to do.

And consider asking if the clinic has any counselling available to help you come to terms with what they've told you.

TaraR2020 · 22/01/2021 18:29

Oh op, how sad you must be feeling

Never say never, a friend of mine was told just a couple of years ago that she had almost zero chance of falling pregnant...Her first child is due in the spring.

Let yourself feel grief and give yourself time, but you never know!

LittleGwyneth · 22/01/2021 18:36

Like everyone else says - you don't need tough love. You maybe need some normal love, but you're adjusting to something absolutely massive. Don't be mean to yourself.

Winterwoollies · 22/01/2021 18:38

Hi OP. I was told adenomyosis shouldn’t affect your chances of getting pregnant but it could slightly increase miscarriage risk. Now, I haven’t seen your scans of course but that’s what I was told by a gynae so maybe don’t completely give up hope. Or maybe request greater clarification.

Sexnotgender · 22/01/2021 18:38

I voted YABU. You don’t need a kick, you need a hug and probably some wine I’m sorry that’s really shit news.

KarmaStar · 22/01/2021 18:46

I read recently about a lady who was told she had zero chance of getting pregnant.
She eventually accepted this and tried to move on as best she could.
She became pregnant naturally and had a healthy baby,the Drs said it was a miricle.
I don't want to give you false hope,just,things could change in the future,try not to let this horrible news destroy you,there is always hope.

Original poster

CharlotteRose90 · 22/01/2021 18:49

@Winterwoollies

Hi, it does in the severe stage it causes infertility and those that can get pregnant it causes either miscarriage or problems. Compared with the pcos I’ve been told by my consultant and her consultant I’ve no hope.

OP posts:

KarensChoppyBob · 22/01/2021 18:52

Aw OP, no tough love here just a big hug (( )).

Keep posting if it helps, you'll find you're not alone.

Calmandmeasured1 · 22/01/2021 18:56

I'm sorry OP. You don't need tough love. It's natural for you to feel sorry for yourself for a time if you planned to have children and have now received the upsetting news that puts paid to those plans. Take time to grieve the loss of the life you planned but then take time to plan a different life which can be just as enjoyable but different.

SnowFields · 22/01/2021 18:58

I have adenomyosis and endometriosis and it was only through a laparoscopy that the severity could be determined and not a scan. Do you have more follow up and tests?

Original poster

CharlotteRose90 · 22/01/2021 19:02

@SnowFields

I have adenomyosis and endometriosis and it was only through a laparoscopy that the severity could be determined and not a scan. Do you have more follow up and tests?

I do , I’ve had an mri a few weeks ago and the scan yesterday. Their doing a keyhole procedure in a couple weeks to remove some of the bad areas x

OP posts:

Original poster

CharlotteRose90 · 22/01/2021 19:17

@SnowFields

I have adenomyosis and endometriosis and it was only through a laparoscopy that the severity could be determined and not a scan. Do you have more follow up and tests?

Not 100% sure on anything else their doing. To be honest I’m not sure I wanna know anymore. They told me what I needed to know and that’s it I guess x

OP posts:

SnowFields · 22/01/2021 19:24

I hope it’s better news after the procedure and they are wrong about your fertility.

Original poster

CharlotteRose90 · 22/01/2021 22:09

I actually think I’m in shock or that I’m crazy. It’s like I’ve kicked all the feelings away and now all I think is I don’t have to worry about finding the right man now. Like I could wait another 20 years 😩

OP posts:

Loz2467 · 01/11/2022 22:30

@CharlotteRose90 do you mind me asking how you got on? I had such a shock yesterday at my scan at fertility clinic when I got told I have adenmyosis. I’ve no symptoms of it either so I was really shocked.

Original poster

CharlotteRose90 · 02/11/2022 18:23

Loz2467 · 01/11/2022 22:30

Well weirdly I’m still waiting to see gynaecology. Over a year down the line. No symptoms of it still and I have regular periods etc. I’ve just recently split with someone but im holding out the hope I can and will have children.

OP posts:

CPL593H · 02/11/2022 18:48

No tough love here either, just wishing you all the very best

LBFseBrom · 02/11/2022 19:04

I am so sorry, you must feel as though a door has been slammed in your face.. You are in shock and it will take some time to accommodate this bad news.

As others have suggested, have further investigations just in case the initial assessment is wrong.

Though it is terribly disappointing it is possible to have a fulfilled life without children.

I wish you all the very best.

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