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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So fuming right now.

17 replies

Fumingitellyou · 22/01/2021 16:49

NC for this as don't want it linked to previous posts.
AIBU to be completely fuming about this!!! Going through the Family court with violent ex for contact. We agreed supervised contact in contact centre. His solicitor was supposed to fill in a referral form last week.. They've left it till TODAY to send it as contact is meant to commence this weekend. The contact centre manager has said they don't have space and because of how late they've received the referral they need time to go through it. My ex has kicked up a huge fuss and has been rude to the contact centre manager and as a result she now doesn't want him using the contact centre.
I mean is it fucking so hard just to put your child first.
He wants the contact yet he does fuck all. The manager said to me its ofter 80% of the time the resident parent doing the chasing.
I'm fuming because he just doesn't give a toss about anyone but himself.
I'm sad for my daughter that her father is an abusive, violent bastard and she deserves the world.
I hate him.

OP posts:
Still1nLove · 22/01/2021 17:03

He’s showing everyone his true colours. It sounds like your daughter will be better off without him

AnyTimeSoon · 22/01/2021 17:05

Isn't it better for her to have less to do with him?

nanbread · 22/01/2021 17:09

I know it's hard for you and your DD to be messed around but fuck him, it's his issue not yours, let him screw it up. Stop caring about whether he cares or not.

ThatVeganFeminist · 22/01/2021 17:10

Are you the poster who the judge said they were minded to order indirect contact only but ordered contact centre since you'd already agreed to it?
Frankly him sabotaging supervised contact is the best thing that could possibly happen. Don't be fuming, be relieved.

Lougle · 22/01/2021 17:11

To be fair, if it's the solicitor who has to fill in the form, then how do you know that it was your ex dragging his heels?

Princessbanana · 22/01/2021 17:13

Why are you fuming? I would be celebrating, it’s clear that he’s not a good person to have around your child! Is there a reason you feel resentful for the fact you have to raise your child 100% of the time?

DDiva · 22/01/2021 17:19

Is it him filling in the form or the solicitor? To be fair his solicitor sounds rubbish, they should have warned him it needed to be sent in asap.

Teaseller · 22/01/2021 17:34

Try to turn this around - yes he is a crap human and it's infuriating that he won't put his dd first.

However.

If he is so terrible, maybe it's better they have less contact?

One of my friends is going through similar issues at the moment. One day he is going for full residence and the next day he can't see his kids because he's booked a holiday (they're not in the UK). Just wait it out, don't let him push your buttons, and soon you hopefully won't have much to do with him at all.

Original poster
Fumingitellyou · 22/01/2021 17:58

@Princessbanana no. I would gladly press delete on him. I've bought my daughter up since day 1 and would give her my life for the rest of hers. It's just the way in which he's portrayed himself as the dutiful father and he is a big part of her life. He's a nothing. My daughter is happy and safe with. He's a vile abuser who abuses women and children.

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 22/01/2021 18:41

Don't let him win by filling your soul with anger and hatred op.
He truly is not worth it.Flowers

Topseyt · 22/01/2021 18:48

[quote Fumingitellyou]@Princessbanana no. I would gladly press delete on him. I've bought my daughter up since day 1 and would give her my life for the rest of hers. It's just the way in which he's portrayed himself as the dutiful father and he is a big part of her life. He's a nothing. My daughter is happy and safe with. He's a vile abuser who abuses women and children.[/quote]
If he abuses women and children then why do you want her to have any contact at all with him? He even has the contact centre riled up now.

I too think that you should probably be relieved. He doesn't sound like a safe pair of hands to be a parent, supervised or not.

BoyTree · 22/01/2021 18:52

He's a bellend that he has done some stupid stuff which has been documented by people who are used to seeing stupid stuff and reporting it to those who need to know.

Imagine if he'd pulled himself together for this visit - he's be able to say 'see, I've changed' while being a bellend in the background. This way, he's spreading the bellendedness around in front of all the people he should be trying to keep on side. Try and see the positive - this could be the first step to freeing yourself from him and you don't even have to do anything!

OhCaptain · 22/01/2021 18:55

If he’s a vile abuser of women and children this can only be a good thing surely?

I wouldn’t be looking for it to be sorted out any time soon!

ZebraSpotts · 22/01/2021 19:04

Then....stop chasing? And let nothing come of it. Don't source an alternative contact centre, don't hurry up referral forms, don't do his fathering admin for him. Let it come to nothing

Original poster
Fumingitellyou · 22/01/2021 19:25

What's riled me up is basically he's saying im obstructive, im reasonable, I'm bitter the relationship has ended and im using DD to punish him, he's a fantastic father who played a huge role in her life and they have an unbreakable bond.
He.. Literally... Doesn't... Care.
It's just the thought of him being in our lives forever it will be such a misery. This man pushed me to the absolute brink, bought social services into our lives, punched me, strangled me, psychologically abused me to the point had I not had DD I probably would've killed myself.. And now he's behaving like this when he's discrediting me as a mother. He's done me a massive favour behaving this way today but it just never stops does it.

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 22/01/2021 19:26

Honestly though - who cares? Anyone who knows you or has dealt with him will know that’s bullshit and in the meantime your dd doesn’t have to have anything to do with him!

MrsBobDylan · 23/01/2021 09:35

You are (rightly) very angry with him but this latest episode doesn't change anything.

Have you had counselling? Hopefully in time you can accept that he will always be a dangerous abuser who can have no part in either your life or your daughters.

He will always say it is your fault and not his. That is how abusers are. If they were capable of accepting blame and controlling their desire to control and destroy people, they wouldn't be abusive.

Counselling will help you with acceptance Thanks

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