sorry this is long
I was with my partner for 4 years. we have a 2 year old son and i'm currently 6 months pregnant, with a planned baby.
everything was fine, we managed to go on holiday last year and both seemed happy to be having a second baby. we have a nice house, 2 nice cars, we were lucky enough to have good jobs and worked throughout lockdown. apart from the fact he is addicted to the gym and said its causing him to be depressed, however he even had a small gym set up in our house. suddenly, he changed roles at work and his behavior changed early November, snappy, irritable, started telling me he was depressed (due to issues with his ex whom he has 2 older children with who he no longer sees), telling me he wants to live alone etc. he was horrible to me and our son. i begged him to tell me what was going on, I bent over backwards for 6 weeks thinking he was going to kill himself. I did all the childcare, whilst working full time, whilst dealing with this sudden switch in his behaviour, all whilst trying not to loose my own mind knowing something was going on and not knowing what.
we work in the same job, same building, I had an suspicion something was going on with somebody else. I asked him 3 times and told him I deserve the truth, and id respect him more to just tell me. he denied everything, saying things like "why the f* would I want another woman" "how do I have time for someone else"
2 weeks before Christmas I got a phonecall telling me he was cheating on me, with a brand new girl (shes 15 years younger than him). I packed his bags and when he came home from work , said "i only sent a few texts", he was more annoyed about people "talking sh*t about him" than the family he has now destroyed.
so now- im left in our house (which I will be keeping and my parents will buy him out once im off mat leave) with a little boy who has no idea why daddy isn't there and has started having lots of tantrums. im knackered, hurt, betrayed and scared. most of all scared, for how the hell im going to do this, alone, with 2 very young children.
If he had to cheat, why couldn't he waited until I wasn't pregnant? I asked him why he did this, and if he loved her. he said he isn't that bothered about her and because I kicked him out, he has nowhere else to go (he moved in her house 1 week after I kicked him out). so its all been for what? because he was abit bored. he didn't fight for us, and ive accepted I deserve so much more, but it doesn't stop the hurting. they are working together and im in a different part of the building , pregnant, lonely and sad. they are being moved apart soon.
I know in the long run ill be ok. I have good support, but its not the same. im scared to navigate co parenting with a newborn, im overthinking everything. he just walked away and im left picking up the pieces of a mess I didn't cause, and definitely didn't want.
I wasn't in love with him anymore, im not necessarily completely heartbroken, but im gutted for the plans we made and the way he's gone about his whole situation. and yes, obviously I still love him to a certain extent.
I suppose i'm just looking for a handhold. i've cried for the 4th time today in work. doesn't help that everyone in the building is aware, because of course we all work in the same place. its humiliating being pitied.