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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be bothered that DH has put a ban on sex cos I'm 6 months prg

21 replies

cantgetcomfy · 29/10/2007 13:01

I'm 27 wks and had a conversation with DH at the weekend about how he is slightly uncomfortable with the idea of sex now that the baby is getting bigger. Its not the logistics of it with me its more about the baby. This is DC2 and although things definately slowed with DS1 there was no out and out ban. Said this to DH and he said he felt the same first time round but didn't want to say . Feel slightly put out by this - I don't have a high drive at the moment but not sure I want a complete ban for the next however many months!

OP posts:

screamsprout · 29/10/2007 13:06

I think his decision isn't an informed one. There is no risk to the baby so it's just a case of him not feeling right with it, in which case he should be willing to talk about it. It's not easy being preg and an outright rejection of your body really doesn't help!

I am 26w and I wish that someone could suggest to dh that he doesn't want sex, but that's another story!!

slim22 · 29/10/2007 13:09

You could suggest other "creative" games?

scorpio1 · 29/10/2007 13:11

is he willing to do everything else but? Some men do feel very odd about it, and cant overcome the thought of doing it 'with someone in there'.

Me, personally, i would be devastated. my dp is totally the opposite about pg women and i find that odd!

Original poster

cantgetcomfy · 29/10/2007 13:12

He knows there is no risk to the baby and keeps stressing that its a purely about how he feels about it. To give him his due he is being very affectionate at the moment with loads of cuddles and kisses and is showering me with compliments to over compensate the no sex i think. We have talked it over and if it was the other way around I would want him to take my feelings about it into consideration so I feel that i have to at least show some understanding but its just another how many months without any sex ...........

OP posts:

goingfor3 · 29/10/2007 13:14

We have a sex ban due to medical reasons which has to last for the whole of my pregnancy. I only now want sex because I can't have it!

You may find he changes his mind after a few weeks of no sex when he realises what he's missing out on.

becklespookle · 29/10/2007 13:15

Am 31 weeks and although DH hasn't put a ban on sex he may as well have done! I keep reminding him he should make the most of it as I certainly won't feel like it afterwards for a while! I do feel a bit put out that he is not really getting the urge to 'do it' but that is probably more to do with feeling like a blimp and wanting reassurance more than a particularly high drive on my part at the moment!

Original poster

cantgetcomfy · 29/10/2007 13:16

Scorpio1 your right it is the idea of "someone in there" thats freaking him out a bit I think.

Yeah everything else is definately still OK

OP posts:

becklespookle · 29/10/2007 13:17

You will have to surprise him with a BJ or some mucky talking or something else along those lines! That usually gets them going, testosterone takes over and they forget about the baby being there too...

scorpio1 · 29/10/2007 13:19

and if the baby noticely moves or kicks just put a firm hand over the kick and carry on. i think sex is important when you're pg (if you want to)i know it helps me feel attractive still. (i am 16 weeks)

sKerryMum · 29/10/2007 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EffiePerine · 29/10/2007 13:21

It's not unusual (but v v irritating). Doesn;t help that most of the books talk about how partners need to be more considerate if their partners don't feel like sex...

FrankAwenstein · 29/10/2007 13:22

hi scorpio. I am 31 weeks and we had relations yesterday for first time pretty much since knowing preg. Dont think we will again as had a slight bleed.

The idea of baby didnt bother him at all as was 'spoons' position and not showing from behind.

Really good to see you btw. How is it all going? Cant beleive you are 16 weeks already. Time has completely flown.

FrankAwenstein · 29/10/2007 13:23

Read op as scorpio - darn these new threads preg brain cant cope. lol

scorpio1 · 29/10/2007 13:24

Hi Awen, time has really flown, you only have single figure weeks until baby! Yeah we are all fine, i can feel baby now, is lovely. Has it stopped now? my friend used to have that, its just your cervix being bashed a bit!

FrankAwenstein · 29/10/2007 13:33

It has stopped (ended up being chacked on labour ward, highly embarrassing except they had a lady in earlier who had similar due to vibrator , quite how she managed the logistics i have no idea).

Have you had any scans yet? My last one was last monday and he was already 3 1/2 lbs Bet your dc are very excited about baby

goingfor3 · 29/10/2007 13:35

about the lady with the vibrator, well mostly shocked that she actually told the truth!

FrankAwenstein · 29/10/2007 13:36

goingfor3

scorpio1 · 29/10/2007 13:37

yeah, have had 2 scans-one at 11 weeks and one at 13, had a small bleed behind my plaenta and they wanted to re-check. all fine! yes, DC are excited, they have heard the baby's HB too.

FrankAwenstein · 29/10/2007 13:45

glad all is well. Next scan will be 20 week i guess. ds got very excited at scan and when he heard heartbeat. I am off to be lazy and soak in a deep bath

Original poster

cantgetcomfy · 29/10/2007 14:40

Think part of the problem is because I've got SPD this time as well. When I asked DH what was different about last time I was preganant and this time he said that the SPD was playing a part in it as well!!

Becklespookle - think I'll take your advise!! He'll think all his Christmas' have came at once if he gets a BJ

OP posts:

becklespookle · 29/10/2007 14:53

SPD is a bad excuse Cantgetcomfy! I have it this time too and although it makes it uncomfy for me I can't see how it affects him! Some men are just funny about pg bellies - my DH gets completely freaked out by it all. He hasn't even felt baby kick (or wanted to ), just keeps saying he can't wait until I am me again .

Saying that - a surprise BJ does do wonders!

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