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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Been offered a school place...

19 replies

MonsterMash2210 · 21/01/2021 15:09

My son is really struggling with lockdown. He struggled with the last lockdown but this time he has deteriorated much quicker and much more intensely. I am very worried about him.

I have been speaking with the school about him and they have been fantastic and very supportive. They are just as worried about him as I am.

They have said they may be able to offer him a school place from next week as he is now considered a vulnerable child. Everyone I have spoken to about my son agree this is for the best. However, I am quite nervous about it. I know deep down it is for the best, it’s just scary.

Also, I will admit that a part of me feel terrible that the school feel that he will be safer with them at school than at home. He should feel happy here, he should be safe here. However he is suffering.

I know I am being silly, but it’s been such a tough few weeks and my head is all over the place. I want what is best for my son, and that probably is school. It just a scary risk really I guess.

OP posts:

FoxyTheFox · 21/01/2021 15:29

I would view it as him being safer at school, you know he's safe at home. Some kids like to keep their life in compartments, DS is one of them, school stays in the school compartment and home stays in the home compartment. If the compartments end up jumbled together then it makes them really unsettled and anxious, again DS is one of these children. Going back into school let's them set the two compartments right so school is once again a place for doing work and home is once again a safe space where they can relax.

Comefromaway · 21/01/2021 15:33

Absolutely send him.

IndecentFeminist · 21/01/2021 15:35

Absolutely send him.

FoxyTheFox · 21/01/2021 15:35

My post should say "I wouldn't view it as him being safer at school"

But yes, absolutely send him, even if its just on a trial basis to see if it helps improve his emotional health.

Defiant · 21/01/2021 15:49

I'm sending my son to school for the same reason. Last lockdown resulted in him becoming incredibly violent and distressed, threatening to harm himself and his younger siblings, throwing chairs at me, he ripped his bedroom apart, kicked holes in walls and doors and more. It was a terrible time for all of us and it killed me seeing him fall to pieces and it felt like my fault. Sending him was the best decision. He's doing so well this time around.

lunar1 · 21/01/2021 15:53

We are all individual and respond to circumstances differently, it's no reflection on you that he needs to be in school.

Send him and don't feel guilty in any way, I hope any child genuinely struggling is offered the same.

Daisysflowers · 21/01/2021 15:54

I wish my sons school would do this as my son is really struggling

I would send your son

ShastaBeast · 21/01/2021 16:01

Of course send him. The risk to his health is higher at home than him catching covid. Just try to mitigate the risk as a family by reducing other contact and masks etc. If he catches it and passes it to the family it won’t be passed on to others if you have no close contact outside the home. Nor will you bring it into the school.

Obviously it’s harder to mitigate if you are a HCP or carer and covid is present in the workplace. But we all know this will happen and accept the risk.

Whatwouldscullydo · 21/01/2021 16:05

I'd send him. If school feel it's for the best and you feel its for the best then do it.

Obviously there is a risk but then theres a risk at home as well.

StripeyDeckchair · 21/01/2021 16:11

Its not that he is not safe at home but that he needs interaction with some of his peers and outside the family for his mental health. This is not unusual and you should take up provision in school for him

Dreamylemon · 21/01/2021 16:13

I am in the same position with my child. Both me and my partner are keyworkers so we could have a pt place anyway but have been offered FT and we have taken it.

My 5yo started to really struggle 2 months into the last lockdown and this time it's taken about 2 weeks for them to become very distressed, angry and lashing out. Tbh I think we are all running low in resilience do it's no surprise it's hitting kids harder. We have been in lockdown/ tier 3 since October.

Take the place - this is about supporting your child and routine. School can offer things you can't e.g. contact with other children.

Jemimapuddleduk · 21/01/2021 16:15

Take up the place! This happened with my daughter age 7 in lockdown one- she got really anxious, wasn’t sleeping, would not leave the house and would not engage with school work. She also struggled being around younger ds who had ASD and was struggling with lack of routine. We limped on for ages but eventually told school how much we were struggling as a family and she got a place in June and July.

Playdoughcaterpillar · 21/01/2021 16:15

My son would be the same. As per stripey mine cannot cope without the outside social interaction. Luckily I’m a key worker so he has a place anyway. Absolutely do what’s best for your child, especially as school keen to help.

CarolEffingBaskin · 21/01/2021 16:21

My 7yo DD has been suffering hugely with lockdown, reverted to bedwetting, anxious, angry, despondent etc. She disengaged with the online work despite being eager at first.

Due to this, and having a very high needs sibling at home, she's been offered a (very) part time place at school. I've taken it. She's been to school for 4 hours this week and the change in her is incredible.

Take the place, OP.

Original poster

MonsterMash2210 · 21/01/2021 16:54

Thank you everyone.

My son sounds similar to many here, he is also very aggressive. Today alone we have had 4 very violent meltdowns.

Yesterday every time we spoke to him he just lashed out at us, so by the end of the day we just left him completely alone. He was fine after that.

He is engaging less and less with the work set and he is now starting to engage less and less with us as well.

He has also expressed that he wishes he was dead, which was heartbreaking to hear.

I am hoping he also improves when he goes back to school.

OP posts:

AndcalloffChristmas · 21/01/2021 17:13

My son is very similar. Can’t really engage with home schooling at all and going down hill quickly again.

I’ve also been offered a place. I’m sending him in two days a week from Tuesday, even though I’m really anxious about it!

gamerchick · 21/01/2021 17:16

Definitely send him. Mines gone back for similar reasons and he's coping so much better at home now.

Jellycatspyjamas · 21/01/2021 17:21

Also, I will admit that a part of me feel terrible that the school feel that he will be safer with them at school than at home.

I’d look at it as the school are part of a whole network that helps keep him steady. Just about every other part of that network is unavailable just now (friends, family members, social activities, peer relationships) but school can be available and can provide a bit of stability for him and some much needed respite for you, so that you can keep caring for him.

I’d send him in with no qualms whatsoever.

HereIgoagainagain · 21/01/2021 17:24

Please try not to look at it as he is safer at school rather than home.

It sounds like he misses his routine and his friends and struggles to focus without a teacher there. These are all completely fair enough.

You don't say how old he is but we are asking a lot of children at the moment when we expect them to work independently whatever age they are.

As someone who both works in a school and is also studying with the OU I know how difficult it is to keep on track .

Sadly as I am a grown up it would be frowned upon if I had a big strop but I am tempted on a daily basis.

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