to want to walk alone?

[swansongs]

I am an introverted person who has always needed a lot of time on my own. Lockdown has been hard for me, like for many people, because I have OH and two older teens at home with me 24/7.

I like to take the dog out on a daily walk for about an hour on my own. It's the only time in the day when I can clear my head and feel myself. Problem is, OH always is asking to come and even starts the day saying things like, 'So, when shall we have our walk?' If he sees me about to head out with the dog, he'll call out 'Hold on a sec, let me get my shoes and coat on and come with you'.

I've explained to him that I like to walk on my own. Also that I'm happy to walk with him and with the kids on the weekends. We usually have a good family walk on Sundays. But he just doesn't seem to accept I don't want him to walk with me M-F. He's quite needy and doesn't like doing things on his own.

AIBU to walk on my own?

Oh my goodness you are so not u. I have the same sort of DH and we are retired so I had the same problems pre Covid. "Just popping to the supermarket" I'd say - oh I'll come with you says he. And even now I have various medical appointments and although I say he doesn't have to come with me he always. And hospital appointments are so promot these days I don't even gave that time! I love him dearly and he loves me dearly. It's just that I too need space. He used to come to bed later than me so I'd have a lovely bit of time to myself then but he's now taken to coming at the same time. And I can't relax with a book because he'll be wanting to chat. Grr! (Other location specific activities are excepted from this of course)

YANBU...that would drive me absolutely mental!

Yanbu. DH drives me to and from work now so I don't have to get the bus. It's so kind of him. And I hate it. I miss my 2-3 hours a day of NOT BEING TALKED TO and listening to music and doing life admin and browsing on my phone. Everyone I know pitied me for my pre covid commute and assumed I must hate having to get buses but I miss it so much. We've just agreed for many reasons to get rid of DH's car and I think he was a bit upset when I said how much I was looking forward to getting buses again. But I am!

Can't you just say "it's nothing personal but this is my alone time."

I live with my partner who I absolutely get on with and love spending time with - but we have 'alone time' each evening where he goes on the computer for a couple of hours and I watch some TV or have a bath. Then he comes downstairs for a while before bed and we go to bed together. This alone time is very very important.

You can spend too much time with a person, and it's tough over lockdown. We all need our time alone.

I'd wonder why your DP can't spend time on his own. Does he have mental health issues? I struggle with anxiety, and when I'm feeling particularly anxious I can't stand to be on my own at all. If that's the case he should see GP etc to get it sorted, as it's obviously having an impact on you.

But, if that's not the case, just be blunt with him. Just say to him that you love him, but you NEED some time on your own. Your relationship will benefit from it in the long term! If he needs to go out for exercise too (which he should), go out of the front door together, walk to the end of the drive, and then go in opposite directions. Say I'll see you at home in an hour or so, and wave each other on your merry way. Take it in turns with the dog if necessary!

Not at all unreasonable. Just keep saying no to him when he tries to gatecrash, your right to alone time doesn’t have to be trumped by his clingyness.

You are not unreasonable and I think you need to tell him in no uncertain terms that you like to walk alone. I love being by myself.

Having said that, it would be nice to include him sometimes. Perhaps you could do a loop, ring him when you're near the house so he can meet you for a second loop, or vice versa.

I agree with the loop thing.

I sell it to DH as I am trying to get fitter and want go have a Jog or a really long walk. So we do the first loop together then he goes, home for a cuppa and I get my alone time.

@SuperbGorgonzola

You are not unreasonable and I think you need to tell him in no uncertain terms that you like to walk alone. I love being by myself.

Having said that, it would be nice to include him sometimes. Perhaps you could do a loop, ring him when you're near the house so he can meet you for a second loop, or vice versa.

Why does she have to include him? It's ONE hour out of a day, she should be able to spend that ONE hour doing what she wants without worrying about him being able to occupy himself.

I like to go alone if i want a proper walk, as in 5 miles +. I like my own pace.

I dont mind a plod of 3 miles with someone but please walk, not crawl. I hate slow walkers.

I can absolutely sympathise with you op. I'm really struggling to get some time on my own. My DD who is 4 has become so clingy she gets a wobbly bottom lip even if I'm just going in the shower never mind a walk out!
I've taken to sitting downstairs in the lamplight after everyone's in bed. A good book, a cup of coffee and silence.

I couldn't cope with this. It sounds suffocating. I would tell him straight that you are going alone. You want time to yourself and that is not up for negotiation.

Walk the dog twice a day? Once with him and once without. That was what I had to do to get an alone hour. Mine wasn’t an OH issue but a nephew issue. He’s 7 and he TALKS continuously.

Thanks for the suggestions and feedback.
The loop idea is worth thinking about... I guess. Sigh.

I started walking on my own soon after the beginning of the first lockdown. It was because a) my dh walks at route-march pace, i.e. very fast, and b) would never walk ‘with’ me, but carry on and then with an infuriatingly ‘patient’ expression, wait for me to catch up.

Plus, our walks were in a large local park, where he’d be endlessly barking orders like, ‘Left!’ ‘Right!’ , whenever he saw anyone who might be going to come within a few metres of us. As if I couldn’t see it and take evasive action myself.

I told him why I was going alone in future. (Should add that he was fine with it, and he’s not normally irritating in other ways!)