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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have chosen the wrong primary school!!!!

34 replies

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 21/01/2021 09:53

DD is starting primary school in September and with the Covid situation we haven't been allowed to visit any local schools to get a feel for them. we have had to submit our school preference choices based on very short promotional video clips on their websites.
I was really unsure which school to choose and having spoken to the mums of DD's nursery friends, they have all chosen a different school to me!
AIBU to want to change school choice based on the fact that this is where DD's friends are likely to be attending? Starting school will be huge for her especially seeing as she has struggled with me leaving her at nursery, so I would much prefer her to go to a school where she knows some of her classmates already. How do I go about changing the school choice?!
Thanks!

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 21/01/2021 09:54

Wait and see what you get first - not everyone gets there first choice, particularly in highly populated areas. What number of the six did you rank the school you'd now prefer? If it was number 2 you might get into it anyway.

YukoandHiro · 21/01/2021 09:55

*their first choice

YukoandHiro · 21/01/2021 09:56

I totally sympathise with you about choosing based on short zoom presentations. We've had to do the same. It's so difficult

Hotcuppatea · 21/01/2021 09:58

I don't think you can at this stage, but call your local authority admissions team and ask them for advice.

In my experience, all bets are off when it comes to old friendships in school anyway. The kids make new friends on day one and form and reform groups as the years go on. It won't matter whether she knows people or not at the start because she'll just make new friends.

Do you think this is more about you having established relationships in the parent group, rather than your DD? If so, its normal to want that, but try not to worry. You'll make new relationships too, and some of them might become friendships.

Indecisive12 · 21/01/2021 09:58

She’ll make new friends. My eldest remains friends with only 1/6 of friends from nursery. My youngest has made a completely new set of friends. I know someone who did as you’re suggesting and changed their DD’s primary school to where a nursery friend was going. 12 months later they’re not really in the same friendship group but said Mum now has a 2 mile drive to school rather than one on her street.

tttigress · 21/01/2021 10:02

But what did you base you decision on? Must people have a fair idea of the reputation of different schools in there neighborhood. Maybe you made the correct decision, and everyone else made the wrong decision?

BornIn78 · 21/01/2021 10:03

Well it's worth a phonecall or email to ask.

But she'll make new friends. She may end up in a completely different friendship group even if all of her nursery friends are at the same school anyway.

You chose the school you thought was best (albeit based on a video clip and a website).

DinoGreen · 21/01/2021 10:07

My DS started school last September knowing no-one, because he went to nursery near my work rather than near our home. He settled in absolutely fine and has made loads of friends. (Though now the schools are closed, it seems like they’ll be starting from scratch whenever they finally go back 🙄)

I do sympathise about having to choose a school without seeing them, I’m so glad we managed to visit schools before Covid started. But think about whether you still think your top choice is the right top choice for you regardless of nursery friends.

Looneytune253 · 21/01/2021 10:08

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Young children are so so adaptable and most of the time it's parents anxieties and fears passing on through the children anyway so if you make it all positive and exciting she will be fine.

On another note whatever happened to choosing the school closest to where you live? It's only been about 6/7 years since my youngest went but you just chose the closest one in those days

ineedaholidaynow · 21/01/2021 10:08

Why did you choose that particular school? Did you discuss schools with nursery friends parents?

DDiva · 21/01/2021 10:16

If you had so little info why did you not discuss with the nursery and other mums before ?

Original poster
Toomuchtooyoung01 · 21/01/2021 10:20

It was a tossup between school A (the one I chose) and school B (the one her friends are going to). I chose school A pretty much based on it is closer. With social distancing staggered pickup times etc I haven't had the opportunity to chat to the other nursery mums and we are not friendly enough to have each other's phone numbers etc.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 21/01/2021 10:20

I would chose a local school, is that what you did? When my car was in the garage or it was too icy to drive,no was so grateful to be able to walk there in 20 minutes! Now my eldest is in year 6, I let her cycle home with her friends. I wouldn't be so laid back about it if the school was further away, near main roads. Children make new friends wherever they go, so i wouldn't worry about that.

Woodlandbelle · 21/01/2021 10:24

You did the right thing chosing the local school.My dcs friends went to a different school and still saw them after (pre covid) it's totally fine.

Mia1415 · 21/01/2021 10:28

I honestly wouldn't worry. My DS went to a nursery near to my work and therefore did not know a single person when he started school. He was absolutely fine. They make friends so quickly and there will be other children there that won't know anyone either.

happymummy12345 · 21/01/2021 10:30

My sons school doesn't have an attached school nursery anyway. So all children come from different nurseries. Only one child from my sons nursery went to the same school as him. He was fine and made friends.

EmmaStone · 21/01/2021 10:35

TBH, if the school you chose is closer, I'd stick with it. Your DC will make new friends immediately (who still has friends from nursery??), and because the school is closer, it will be easy for her to pop to friends' houses. A lot to be said for a local school. Particularly if you've not made any strong mum friendships either.

Atalune · 21/01/2021 10:38

Much better to have schools where you have a group of mates that you go to school with and then you have a group who are a different school. Both my children went to a different school from their local mates and now they have a large and varied groups of friends. It has really stood them in good stead.

Also I find that the friendships I have locally are not bogged down with school chat.

I would not change schools based on the factors you have mentioned. And having a school that is close and convenient is really good!

Triffid1 · 21/01/2021 10:50

DD was devastated at leaving her BF after nursery as they went to different schools. In the first term of reception, she very occasionally mentioned "Rebecca". By 2nd term she'd stopped mentioning her and now, in Year 1, I honestly don't think she even remembers her.

Same with DS - he had a bestie who they saw a few times in Term 1 of reception then naturally drifted apart. I came across a photo recently and couldn't work out who this child was - I didn't even recognise him at first.

Do not make decisions on schools based on existing friendship groups at this age. They are fleeting. Quality of school, convenience etc are a million times more important.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 21/01/2021 10:53

Omg I would never choose a school based on my childs nursery mates at age 4. Friendships shift constantly. DS (4) met a new child for the first time last term and they were BEST FRIENDS within about 3 weeks.

lavendervay · 21/01/2021 10:57

I feel a bit bad now that I hadn't even considered DS's friendships from pre-school when applying for his school place! I've gone on what is the best school for him, which is outside of our hometown so pretty much guaranteed no one from his pre-school will be going there.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 21/01/2021 10:59

We did international moves just before each of DDs started school. They had good friends within days, despite these being schools that started at 3, so they went into established classes. Within weeks the children forgot who was new and who had been there for months/years.

It's highly possible you would have been given the closer school anyway rather than the further away school. So might some of her friends... Or a school in another direction.

Nearer the time there's lots of starting school TV programmes and books. I get it's even scarier for the current lot as their nursery experience has been fragmented, but she won't be the only one who knows no one (if that is indeed the case)

BabyYodaYada · 21/01/2021 11:02

I wouldn't worry OP. You have done the right thing choosing the nearest school.

My DS1 went to a completely different school to where he went to nursery. He has made friends and settled in just fine. My DS2 didn't even go to childcare before school, and again has settled in at school just fine.

It is infinity easier being able to walk the DC to school when needs must. Friendships at this age come and go. A lot of schools actively split up existing friendship groups to allow others to develop at this age. You also don't know if you will get into your first choice school yet, so just wait and see.

HereWeGoAgainhaha · 21/01/2021 11:02

My DD started school last September. Her best friend had the school as her first choice too but didn't get in. There's no guarantee that your child will get into the same school as someone else she knows. My child knew no one back in September and now she has lots of friends

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 21/01/2021 11:03

@Atalune

Much better to have schools where you have a group of mates that you go to school with and then you have a group who are a different school. Both my children went to a different school from their local mates and now they have a large and varied groups of friends. It has really stood them in good stead.

Also I find that the friendships I have locally are not bogged down with school chat.

I would not change schools based on the factors you have mentioned. And having a school that is close and convenient is really good!

Agree with this. My child didn’t go to the same school as any of his close pre-school friends. But it has meant that when he is having a rubbish time at school he has another group of friends entirely outside of this school group that he looks forward to seeing and speaking with.

He didn’t make friends immediately in reception (not all children do) but he did make friends by the end of first term and is mostly happy there.