to expect my DH to respect that I do not want to be friends with this woman?

[BumblebeeQueen]

DH has a friend who is not like his best friend, they just play sport together every now and again, and this friend (let's call him "Jack") has a girlfriend (henceforth known as "Jill") who is officially the Most Boring Person in the World.
We have, on rare occasions, got together as couples to do something, but it didn't take very long for me to realise that I have nothing at all in common with this woman and I really struggle to come up with conversation with her. The men are fine, they just end up talking about their hobby for the whole time, while Jill and I end up sitting there listening to them (I have no interest in this sport whatsoever, so it's doubly boring for me).
DH knows how I feel about Jill (he actually can't stand her either) and yet still keeps on suggesting that we should invite them round for dinner / go out together etc etc. When I point out that I don't want to, he says we're being rude because Jill is always phoning and asking us over / out together and if I answer I usually come up with some excuse but my DH is crap at lying and always says yes.
He just doesn't seem to get the idea that if we keep doing things together, they are going to think we're enjoying ourselves and want to be couple-friends with them! I think the easiest way to get out of the situation is just to stop doing things together, let the men do their sport thing as before and that's it.
AIBU? The thought of another wasted evening in her company is making me grind my teeth already...

Oh I have this one as well.

DH has a friend and his wife keeps asking us do couply things together. There is nothing wrong with her and I don't mind spending a bit of time with them, but I'd rather DH went out down the pub with his mate without me having to sacrifice one of my very rare nights out. Plus I'm not a big drinker and am not into big nights out, particularly when if DH has been drinking then its me who needs to get up.

I'm usually quite good at not doing things I don't want to but I am struggling on this one as I don't want DH to lose his mate, so any advice you receive will be useful to me too !

'Jill' might be wondering why she's got to socialise with someone she may not, with all due respect, have much in commmon with.

Perhaps if you saw her on her own (no men), it might be different. If you don't socialise with her then don't - tell the men they can have a men-only night so you can do something that you really enjoy that night.

I missed out the words 'want to' between socialise and don't .

YANBU.

There's no law which states we have to hit it off with everyone we meet ... it'd be lovely, and a whole lot easier if we did, but there you go, life's not like that. You've been polite, you met up a few times and come to the conclusion the chemistry's not there. I think this is more about DH worrying about "offending" his friend should you refuse couple invitations, and it's not fair of him to expect you to put on a show for show's sake.

I hate it when partners assume that because you're the same sex as their friends' other halves you will all automatically gel together. I've been accused of being "anti-social" (see also anti-social thread in Relationships) in the past because I didn't become best friends with my then partner's best friend's OH. What I think often lies behind that attitude is that the bloke wants to see more of HIS best friend but has to try and juggle that with your expectations of spending time together as a couple, i.e. you probably wouldn't be happy if he was out with his mate 4 times a week. However, if they can wangle it so you get all pally with BF's OH, that removes a lot of the guilt for them because you can all (in theory) have a jolly old time together, and he doesn't have to make so much effort with you if someone else is occupying you while him & his mate discuss their beloved sport or whatever.

NO YANBU, I wouldn't do it either. Life is too short to spend chunks of it in the company of people you don't like unless you;re getting paid for it. Tell your DH to socialise with his mate and leave you ladeez out of it. Frankly, unless 'Jill' is a moron with the social skills of moldy cheese, she's likely to be just as bored with you as you are with her.
The only exceptions would be when you're having big get-togethers like birthday parties, it would be rude not to invite her along with her OH then.
Mind you, I think people who only want to socialise in couples are suburban bores anyway, can't imagine anything more grim.

Catsmother - you have summed it up entirely.

Met dp's best friend's new girlfriend on Saturday, and I think it is an assumption that we will be New Best Friends together. So DP and his mate can sit there and have a rare old time together talking about god knows what, whilst I have to sit and talk to the most dull person in the world. Topics included how I lost 3 stone in 3 6 months (in full detail), what does my hair look like and is it too soon to be discussing having babies with my new boyfriend (they have been seeing each other 4 weeks).

Have told DP that I have no intention of socialising with her in tow - nip that one in the bud. And I have also been accused of being anti-social. Which, to honest I may be - I could make an effort, couldn't I, to please DP? But frankly, I do not see the point in wasting time with someone I know I will not get on with, so am going to put my foot down with this one.

No you're not. If you had no DCs and could go out together all the time it might be different - but if you are like us, a night out together is a precious thing indeed.

I've been 'invited' to a Christmas meal with some of DH's mates and their OHs'. I get on OK with them all but the conversation isn't exactly sparkling. I prefer DH's mates tbh but chatting to the men seems to be frowned upon. Added to that I'll be the only woman not driving so I'll be the only one drinking. Which also earns a few raised eyebrows .

Not unreasonable but some people need a bit of time to come out of their shells. Does alcohol not loosen her up?

Oooh, good to see I'm not the only one with this problem!

It does seem to be her who is initiating all of the coupley things, tbh, which makes me think that she wants to be doing it.

I just don't get why my DH wants us to get together, the only reason I can see is that he's embarrassed to always be declining her invitations, which is not a good enough reason, afaic. As a few of you have pointed out, life is just too short to spend time with people you don't have to and yes, our evenings out certainly are a LOT more precious since having ds!!

I need to be able to explain this to DH is a way that he'll understand...does anyone speak fluent Manspeak here?

Maybe you should play him at his own game and begin inviting someone he can't stand around on a frequent basis ?

I couldn't bare to be in her company if I didn't like her/had nothing to talk about/nothing in common etc.

YANBU

I think the alcohol idea is a good one! Get together just one more time (and tell your dh this) then ply her with a little vino. If you still feel no spark then feel justified to tell your dh to see his friend on his own
Some people do need a little help to come out of themselves

I'm not suggesting blind drunk by the way - more a rose tinted specs level!!

Can you trade off with your DH in any way ie for everynight spend with boringwoman you get a night doing something you like but DH doesn't (whether that's him minding the DC for the night while you go out or him having to socialise with friends of yours who either bore him themselves or have gruesome partners he doesn't like).

THere's also the option of little white lies, which are useful for occasions like this (particularly as it sounds like you're not bothered about staying friendly, yourself, with DH's mate either) - get your DH to tell them that you've taken up some or other absorbing hobby so you're not free for much socialising.. THough FFS take care not to pick something that Borewoman will want to join you in doing...

BQ - in my younger days, my bfs always wanted me to get along with their friends gfs. In reality, the only thing we had in common was that we were dating their friends iysim (typical teenage/early 20s stuff). If you don't want to mix with this woman, just be unavailable for future dates and eventually she'll get the message. Why do you have to see her in conjunction with your OHs anyway - if you were really mates, you'd see each other without your men-folk in tow .