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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you think these examples from friends are rude?

17 replies

Notanotherteenmovie1 · 20/01/2021 15:23

I personally think so but wonder if I'm being too sensitive.

Imagine it's a Tuesday/Wednesday and you ask a friend to meet up on the Saturday, but she says "It's too early to tell you what I'm doing yet." She's said it on several occasions.
Friend is single, no kids etc.
Just makes me think she's waiting to see if there's a better offer first, and why can't she commit to plans.

Another one is the same friend who is organising a BBQ at her house (over summer). She's been at another friend's house and they are getting a bus back to hers. The friend texts you and asks if you can buy the BBQ before coming to the party. You ask why she can't, and she says she 'doesn't have time'''. I am travelling nearly 20 miles to go to the BBQ, she is travelling 1 mile on the bus. I said no I can't, and she was then a bit cold and off.

Then you date someone and she texts a guy she's friends with and who you've previously liked saying "Omg I have to tell you something about Notanotherteenmovie", she's been on a date with X guy. "
Just seems so gossipy .

OP posts:

SarahAndQuack · 20/01/2021 15:26

It sounds as if you don't like her very much.

Nicolastuffedone · 20/01/2021 15:26

Drop her. She isn’t a friend to you

Alexandernevermind · 20/01/2021 15:28

Is this the one friend. Age guess - 18?

AliceinBunniland · 20/01/2021 15:30

How old are you both? She sounds very young!

The first example - she isn't that keen on seeing you so I wouldn't bother setting aside time for her.

Who is having BBQs etc right now anyway? And who asks someone else to bring the BBQ?!

Shoxfordian · 20/01/2021 15:30

She’s not a good friend
Stop bothering with her

BoyTree · 20/01/2021 15:34

It depends on the context for each:

e.g If she had made tentative arrangements to visit a friend but was waiting to see if this weekend was convenient or similar then it's not waiting for a better offer but also I probably wouldn't explain all of that and would just say that I wasn't sure whether I was free.

If your friend was hosting the barbeque and had bought loads of booze, sides etc and just asked you to pick up some burgers on your way, then you were rude. If friend was just providing a venue and was asking you to travel and do full shop to supply food for everyone then they were rude.

The last one totally depends on the relationship between all parties involved, but why do you know about what she texted to her friend? Whichever one shared that with you is probably stirring the pot!

Original poster

Notanotherteenmovie1 · 20/01/2021 15:39

Thanks for the replies. she's 33, and she had asked me to buy an actual BBQ rather than bits for it.

OP posts:

OhCaptain · 20/01/2021 15:42

One of those little disposable ones?

How did you find out she'd text someone about you dating, and why do you care?!

IndecentFeminist · 20/01/2021 15:43

She's rude, you're sensitive. Between this and your other thread I'd say you spend a lot of time analysing what other people say and do?

Royalbloo · 20/01/2021 15:44

Example 1 is a bit flaky but ok

Example 2 if cheeky AF but did you say yes?

Example 3 is just gossiping nonsense

Original poster

Notanotherteenmovie1 · 20/01/2021 15:44

She's moved away since and it sounds horrible but I'm kinda relieved.
I was going away at 4am the next morning and so she sulked when I left her leaving thing at 11am instead of doing an all nighter like she had wanted.

She used to spend a lot of time with another girl and I think she wouldn't commit to plans with me as she was waiting to get plans with that friend first.

I bought her a gift for her leaving do, she bought this other friend very thoughtful gifts and told me what she had bought, yet bought me nothing, even though I felt I had been a good friend.
It's not the gift, it was just a bit spiteful what she did.

OP posts:

Cadent · 20/01/2021 15:45

I was afraid you were going to say you bought the BBQ! SO glad you didn’t!

YANBU, either ditch them or keen friendship in superficial level, so don’t go out of your way for them or pay for anything for them or lend them money.

OhCaptain · 20/01/2021 15:53

Honestly, she's moved away, you don't care...

I don't get what the thread is for? Just - the friendship is done! It's a non-issue is it not?

Lucieintheskye · 20/01/2021 16:07

Move on. There are much worse things people do than take the mick like she did. Seriously, grow up. Gossiping and bitching about someone you didn't like doesn't make you a better person and won't make you feel better.

Randomrebel · 20/01/2021 16:17

My sister is like the first example. But in her case I am sure she must text half a dozen people to say hi and ask what they are doing tomorrow or say at the weekend and adds if your free or not doing anything it would be nice to meet up. I would reply fairly promptly saying that would be nice what do you fancy doing, or do you fancy this or coming here or what time is best etc. Then the tone would change to i’ll have to let you know tomorrow or in the morning and it will depend on X Y Z. Again I would be amenable sure I will fit in with you just let me know (on Saturday morning or whatever she has said). Then it gets to the morning and she starts texting from 7am I am not sure what I am doing yet today due to A, B, C I’ll have to let you know later on about X time. Four texts later the time has past and its almost afternoon or afternoon get a text to say she can’t meet now as she is just going to meet friend X or decided to go up town. After she did this several times I just stopped making any arrangements with her. I also told my mother that I hadn’t seen her and think she probably messages half a dozen people and goes with the best offer which probably wound her up.

islockdownoveryet · 20/01/2021 16:29

She’s actually 33 , nah too old for that childish shit.
First one yes she’s waiting for a better offer , what a bitch.
2nd she’s a cf
3rd she’s a gossipy childish bitch who I’d tell her to fuck off .

30sthngLondon · 20/01/2021 18:06

No... not necessarily rude. It sounds like maybe you consider her a better friend than she considers you to be - which might make you feel a little sad but honestly I'd say cut her loose and move on.

I have a not-close friend (ex-colleague) like this who tries to get me to commit more time than I want to seeing/communicating with her and makes statements like 'I'm so pleased we are so close, you are the only person that understands me' - but my time is precious and whilst I like and care for her, and like to see her once in a while, I don't even have time to see my very close (much better, life-long) friends and family on a regular basis, so I will not be pressured into seeing her more than I want to. This doesn't mean I want to cut her loose as it's nice to stay in touch but if the choice is all or nothing I choose nothing.

I mention this because you talk about her spending time with another girl..that's her right, maybe they are closer.

Re: BBQ, all depends on how she asked. If you were driving and have a car, and were popping to a supermarket on the way and she was polite, not rude, I'd buy it for any of my mates. If she lives next to a big supermarket and it was pure laziness, yes rude.

Re: text... this sounds like Mean Girls. She doesn't sound like she's really your mate and I think you'd be better investing less time and energy in her - you're probably not destined to be close in the future. Find some better friends.

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