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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my cousin her partner comments on sexy photos?

20 replies

smalalalalalala · 20/01/2021 11:20

Hi there

Not really an AIBU, more a WWYD.
YANBU = I tell her
YABU = I don't

Yesterday while scrolling Facebook, I noticed my cousin's partner commented on a woman's photo "very pretty".

It picked my curiosity so I went further. The account is of a woman posting sexy photos in lingerie or tight dress. They are loads of other comments, all men, all similar "very pretty", "very elegant" (absolutely not), etc.
It's a professional page, not personal. So it's probably a business for her. Modern peep show

I looked at the comment section of each photos, and his comments date back about a week, all similar. In reponse to one of his comment, was a message mentioning casual sex with an email address, that poster was different but the email address was similar to the page name. It could be a totally different scammer or not. He asked "is it normal?" and that poster replied this is how they make their money.

This really makes me feel uncomfortable for my cousin. She doesn't have Facebook so can't find out by herself. I talked about it to our other cousin who told me it would be better to wait if it continues. Its unlikely to materialise, as I said, its probably just an online sex line or something like that.

Their couple is already, has been for years on the brink, they started dated when she was a minor, he's 10 years older and treat her like dirt. He's a cock-lodger and always gives her nasty comments in front of everyone.

If it was me I would want to know but maybe not her ? Maybe after all, it's just commenting on photos, it would never get further ?
There is no way I can tell her face to face as we live in different countries.

Please give me your opinion

OP posts:
SoVery · 20/01/2021 11:38

I would. Not least because it gives her the opportunity to make an informed decision about her relationship. You'll probably get loads of people saying - stay out of it, not your business, etc. But if it were me I would definitely want to know.

Wearywithteens · 20/01/2021 11:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

pumpkinpie01 · 20/01/2021 11:42

Definitely tell her , he sounds horrible hopefully this will be the wake up call to get rid of him .

Amdone123 · 20/01/2021 11:42

It's a tricky one because usually in cases like this, the messenger gets shot. You could end up the bad guy and they carry on merrily with their lives.
I think I would tell her.

pumpkinpie01 · 20/01/2021 11:43

I would screenshot the evidence don't just repeat what you have seen .

AppleKatie · 20/01/2021 11:43

I was going to say let sleeping dogs lie.
But in the context of a power imbalance and an abusive relationship absolutely tell her.

Don’t be surprised if she feels unable to act on it though. Do what you can to maintain supportive contact with her at all costs.

smalalalalalala · 20/01/2021 13:14

I wouldn't say the relationship is unbalanced, but he's a prick, that's for sure

OP posts:
Notgettingup · 20/01/2021 13:20

Yeah I'd definitely tell her

JustNotFunAnymore · 20/01/2021 13:47

I've had this but with my dad EnvyConfused
I eventually replied to one of them saying 'you know we can all see these comments?'
He stopped!

Notimeforaname · 20/01/2021 13:53

Tell her. Or tell him first.
Or just do what pp said and publicly reply saying you can see his comments....

Notimeforaname · 20/01/2021 13:55

I couldn't trust a friend or family member who let me stay with someone who at best was lying and treating me like shit...and at worst could potentially bring home an std from random sex with strangers.
Find a way to tell her .

JemimaTiggywinkle · 20/01/2021 13:57

I would send her a screenshot.. it’s there for everyone to see, it’s not like it’s a secret that you’ve snooped on.

Neron · 20/01/2021 14:26

Why would you tell hero? This isn't anything to do with you. If you say anything, you might find she chooses him over you.
What he comments on, isn't any of your business, even if you don't like it or agree with it.

Neron · 20/01/2021 14:26

Her

SoDiorDarling · 20/01/2021 15:10

@JustNotFunAnymore GrinGrinGrin

smalalalalalala · 20/01/2021 18:22

Well, you can't choose for them, can you?

Similar happened to one of my best friend, her partner had sex with his coworker, got caught, they split for a while before going back together and having a second child. 4 years later, dame story all over again, shagged his colleague, get caught, they split, came back together and were talking about having a 3rd one !
I've been very vocal about how a dick he was (both time) but she said what some posters said "it wasn't my business"

OP posts:
smalalalalalala · 20/01/2021 18:24

So I decided to tell her and she said she will have the discussion with him, and thank me for letting her know.

Thanks for helping me to take the decision, you never want to be that person

OP posts:
BubblyBarbara · 20/01/2021 18:26

Oh so in the thread where the person reported someone’s disgusting son to his mother you were all against her.. but now the tables have turned.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/01/2021 18:40

Tell her.Yes it will upset her very much so. It'd certainly piss me off especially if I was being treated like shit and constantly put down and he's fawning over another women. However hopefully she'll get rid and tell him to fuck off with miss pretty face Grace. Awww I'm having a pop at her (women in photo)
Its not her fault, is it.

bloodyhairy · 20/01/2021 22:31

Tell her, although I doubt it will make a difference.

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