AIBU to despair of my 15 month old's sleep?

[Secretlifeofme]

I have a 15 month old DD who is an absolute delight, the light of my life. But her sleep issues are getting me down and I don't know what to do about it :(
I work full-time in a job which means that I'm out of the house from 6.45am to 6.30pm. DD is looked after by an amazing nanny while I'm at work, as DH also works similar and often longer hours. Of course I would prefer to have more time with DD during the week, but we can't afford to live on only one salary - we are not in the UK and childcare isn't as expensive here, so this is the best solution for the moment.

Our issue is that we haven't managed DD's sleep very well and now it's a problem :( basically she still feeds to sleep and co-sleeps with us, which I love because of course I miss her so much during the day and it's so lovely to snuggle with her at night. But the problem is that she is still waking at least 3 times in the night, and I always just give her milk to get her back to sleep, because I'm knackered and it's easier and quicker than anything else.

Now I feel like I need to change something. Of course she doesn't need milk in the night any more, but it just feels like such an effort to try to stop feeding her to sleep when it's so much easier. Equally, I feel as though she should be sleeping in her own room, but I can't face the crying and difficulty of it :( am I being a crap parent? What would you advise? We are getting fed up with the constant wake-ups and really tired :(

Thanks in advance for any advice!

Bump

Bumping again sorry

Are you breastfeeding?

Could you take some time off work to really crack it?

Why do you feel like you have to change it? If it works for your family and everyone is happy just enjoy it. There will lots of time when she isn't in your bed.

That being said I recently weaned my 15 month old and he is still sleeping terribly. He will stay in his cot for 3 hours max and is then in our bed. The only difference is now my dh can give him a bottle instead of me feeding him. If I knew he was still going to sleep terrible I wouldn't have weaned.

Don't be too hard on yourself or do things because you think you should. Do what suits you all.

I feel your pain as none of mine have been good sleepers, we still have our 6 year old in our bed every night so I can't tell you what has worked for me but I didn't want to read and ignore as I know how hard sleep deprivation is. Hopefully someone will give you some tips on what worked for them 💐

I feel your pain my 15 month old daughter is exactly the same it’s tough.

I wouldn't say you are a crap parent for co sleeping and breastfeeding through the night, quite the opposite. Continuing to bf a toddler whilst working is incredibly hard work.

I feel your pain, my 20 month old is still feeding multiple times per night (and a lot during the day on my non working day).

I would definitely move her to her own room now. Also putting grated nutmeg in bedtime milk may stop her waking. I'd also stop giving her milk in the night and sit with her and hold her hand for a bit so she goes off again. Only give milk if really desperate (and she's been awake for a while).

Mine worked out if they were annoying enough if let them come downstairs and it was the worst thing I ever did so I stopped it.

Agreed take a week off if you need to

Thanks all. I can't take a week off as my holidays are fixed, but I do have a week coming up in about three weeks time. The question is though, how should I do it? I am breastfeeding her. Should I try to go cold turkey? Or reduce the number of feeds at night? Or what? I have no problem with co-sleeping, just with the number of times she wakes in the night. Unless you think she might reduce the night wakings if she is in her own room? So many variables :/

No advice but just to let you know I could have written your post! It's actually a relief to know that others are in the same position.

My DS is such a wriggler so we hardly get any sleep as he'll end up lying across both our pillows, kicking me in the head!

How would taking a week off help? Genuine question. I was off for 3 weeks over Christmas but we made no progress as even gentle sleep training hasn't worked with my DS. He just cries until he's picked up and then cries as soon as he's put down. He doesn't respond to being stroked or patted, etc. He'll only sleep with boob, being rocked by my DH or sleeping in with us, sigh.

I'm pregnant and due this summer and so worried that his sleep won't be sorted by then and I'll have both a newborn and him to deal with at night

Feel your pain @BeesAnkles! I am in a country where I had to go back to work when DD was : months old :( so I just chose to co-sleep as the easiest way to get the most sleep. Now wishing I had got her into her own cot sooner 😩

Funnily enough, the only difference about our situations is that I took a year's mat leave and only work 3 days a week so have no excuse! I tried gentle sleep training before going back to work but it didn't work and now the path of least resistance when he wakes up is BF or co-sleeping, like you.

I've read so many threads to try to find a definitive way to help him sleep but most just recommend sleep training.

I'm just hoping he'll miraculously sleep well after going into his own room!

Oh, and like a PP, he always starts in his cot but ends up in with us as it's easier than rocking or BFing for 20 mins, for the third time that night. So even if you had introduced a cot sooner, you might have still ended up in the same situation so don't blame yourself!

How does baby nap with nanny?

If there are established sleep cues already then take advantage and use them.
I would get a strong routine started now. Maybe a bedtime song or music, something the same everynight and then a story before you feed her to sleep. Then hopefully they will help. Definitely take a week off although shouldn't take that long. Once you start be consistent.

I night weaned DS at 8 months so bit different but I timed feeds and cut them down by a 2 minutes every night. He also went from co sleeping to own cot at the same time. Recommend Lucy Wolfe for no cry sleep help. Her books are amazing and her Instagram videos also very helpful alongside.

@CovidCakeConundrum we have a routine! I even read the same book to her every night at bedtime. It's just the feeding to sleep that's a problem. Timing feeds is a good idea, I might try that, thanks

I fed to sleep, too. I stopped daytime feeds before dropping the last feed. Gentler that way. We also put my toddler in a floor bed so it was like his previous experience of bedsharing with me on a mattress. I got to the point where I realised I couldn't function on broken sleep and that there was no need for him to be fed back to sleep at all. We spent a week letting him play with his new bed, talking about bedtime, bought him a groclock and left him to it. Kept his bedtime routine the same but we were firm that once he was in bed, we would sit by him for 5 mins and then leave. He cried on off for the first 30 mins on the first night and then it clicked, the following night he settled and went to sleep. And he's now gone 2 and sleeps the whole night through and no longer looks tired in the morning from his repeated wake ups.

@Cornetttto, that's really interesting, thanks. How old was he when you started that please?

About the same as yours, I think. He had a solid bedtime routine so dropping the milk was built in as part of the routine. We offered him a small cup of milk instead and after maybe a week of that, he stopped drinking those too. Me and my husband take turns to do the bedtimes now which is such a relief as before, it was all on me and my boobs! I will say tho, that he does still get "bubba cuddles" where he'll nurse and cuddle but without getting any milk but that's only when I do bedtimes... obviously.