To want my mum to stop comparing dd to me?
Mumie · 29/10/2007 07:30
My mum is driving me mad. Everytime I talk to her she asks if dd - who is 9 months now - can walk. When I say no she can't - as I have been saying for the last 3 months - she signs disappointedly and informs me that I could walk by 8 months and my ds by 9 so she's not doing very well and will have to hurry if she wants to beat my db who walked at a year. I don't care if she can't walk yet, it's not a race! She will walk when she bloody well feels like it!
She crawls around and plays and is a happy, wonderful little girl and dh and I adore her. So, I'm fed up of my mum going on and on about this. I keep telling her this but she doesn't stop and it's making me so angry. Am I over-reacting?
tigerschick · 29/10/2007 07:38
YANBU. It's bad enough when you come across smug parents whose children are reading War and Peace by the time they are 8 mo and running marathons by 11mo. But for your mum to be doing it is too much.
I think you need to be very frank with her and tell her how much it is getting to you. Tell her what you have said here and don't beat around the bush - tell her straight. She probably doesn't see why it is upsetting you and thinks that she is showing an interest in your dd's development but you need to tell her that this is not the way to do it.
kittywitch · 29/10/2007 07:44
Christ, at least your mother can remember what you did and when you did things as a baby. annoying as her comments might be at least she's remembered and that's got to be good.
Mine hasn't got a clue when I did anything. I once even had an argument about when I was born .
Count your lucky stars that she takes an interest.
TheUnholyTrinityRhino · 29/10/2007 07:49
I would say a bit of both
She is being annoying and should shut up but kittywitch is r4ight and it is nice that she takes an interest.
What if you just change the subject or ignore her when she asks, would that help you not to get so sngry?
It would annoy the hell out of me and I'm very thasnkful that my parents are so supportive and caring for my dc but not in the annoying ways that I hear about on mn
tigerschick · 29/10/2007 07:51
KittyWitch - I think that there is a difference between taking an interest and comparing.
My MIL often asks what dd is doing these days and sometimes comments on when DH and BIL passed certain milestones but she doesn't compare - not in the way that Mumie says her DM does.
I know what you are saying, and I'm very sad that your mum behaves the way you describe, but I don't think that Mumie is over-reacting.
elescarybells · 29/10/2007 08:02
a bit of both for me too. i understand how frustrating it must be to hear her say things like this, i know i would get annoyed with it, feeling like its a competition on who can do what and when. but she is taking an interest at least - my mum hardly asks after her grandchildren. she sent dd2 (16) a birthday card with her name spelt wrong but i figured that at least she remembered her birthday, which was a miracle in itself.
i think sometimes we get into a rut with parents. i dont think they see us as grown ups capable of being parents ourselves without their input and (sometimes unhelpful) comments. go easy on her im sure she means well really, she's just come across wrong.
TwigorTreat · 29/10/2007 08:10
I think she is very clumsily trying to be part of it by acknowledging that she has been right where you are now and thinking that the 'jokes' help
if it was my mother I'd be turning round and saying "stop it. I don't care if she can't walk yet, it's not a race! She will walk when she bloody well feels like it!" really sharply .. but I think that's a really bad approach and symptomatic of the way my mum gets under my skin
Mumie · 29/10/2007 09:16
Maybe she means it in the way TwigorTreat says and that she is trying to sort of empathise with me a bit but I wish she would just be happy that dd does what she does and enjoy it. She hardly sees her as we live abroad and I know she wants to be part of her life so I would be glad if she was interested in what I felt was a more positve way. I really hate the comparisons, it always makes me feel that she is criticising either me or dd.....mothers really can get under your skin.
I hope dd never has to say something like this about me.............
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