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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you bother trying to contact this friend again?

20 replies

Notanotherteenmovie1 · 19/01/2021 09:27

Met her through a hobby and we were friends for about a year. Things went a bit sour, but I was fed up with her being so flaky, she would constantly cancel at the last minute without good reason, and would disappear for a couple of weeks and not reply.
I still wanted to be in touch but then she started saying stuff like we weren't allowed to talk about personal things anymore, only the hobby and other stuff, as it 'distracted her".

I think she lost interest as she stopped texting completely, but I could see on her social media that she was still going out with friends etc.

I tried again to contact her but her replies were very short and she made excuses about meeting up.

Anyway I just deleted her number and i'm ashamed to say blocked her as I was tired of the hot and cold.

Eventually moved on and forgot about it and then I decided to get in touch recently as I did miss talking to her and wanted to apologise for the blocking.

She seemed very happy to hear from me and very understanding, asked me to send my number etc. So I did.

She then added me on social media. She never replied to the message with my number and a few days later I saw she had removed me from social media.

Just very strange. Not really sure what to make of it, I know it must all sound very childish, and no point contacting her again.

OP posts:
Summersun2020 · 19/01/2021 09:30

Argh. Sorry OP it sounds like she’s been trying to ditch you for a long time! She was likely relieved when you initially blocked her, and acted pleased to be polite when you got in touch again.
Glaring social cues being missed here. Please don’t waste any more time on this person. Move on.

icelollycraving · 19/01/2021 09:30

It all sounds like hard work. Just forget her and move on.

Notanotherteenmovie1 · 19/01/2021 09:48

Thanks, yeah it's weird because she sent this long emotional message about how we could rebuild our friendship so it really did sound like she wanted to rather than being polite.

I agree it would be silly to bother messaging her again.

OP posts:
OnceIWasAnApe · 19/01/2021 09:53

I think she was high maintenence, and that you were really childish blocking her and then changing your mind and unblocking her. Leave her alone, you've messed her around enough.

Sarcobaleno · 19/01/2021 09:55

Good friendships are not this complicated. Draw a line under it.

tatatatatatatatdahhhhhhhhh · 19/01/2021 11:04

Is this a friend or a love interest friend? Maybe she likes the attention, is flattered -and maybe a bit needy, but does like you in that way.

RogersVideo · 19/01/2021 11:06

No you shouldn't contact her. It doesn't actually sound like she likes you very much!

Helocariad · 19/01/2021 11:21

Sounds all really complicated to me! Don't understand why you blocked her. If friends stop responding, why not just let them be? Don't contact but don't block so there's always that door open to them to get back in touch. People may have lots of reasons for going quiet, it's not always deliberate.

Notanotherteenmovie1 · 19/01/2021 11:40

Yeah I agree the blocking was silly. I blocked and deleted her number so that I wouldn't message her again, as I really thought she wasn't interested in being mates anymore and just wanted to move on. Anyway I've learned from it.

OP posts:
Notanotherteenmovie1 · 19/01/2021 11:43

I wouldn't say I have messed her around a lot as PP suggested. I was just fed up of constant hot and cold,flakiness and being told I can't discuss relationships or whatever.
I didn't want her to come back then go cold again. But I know that blocking was silly.

OP posts:
BringPizza · 19/01/2021 12:06

She's not interested OP, and you should have walked away a long time ago. Stop trying to hang on, and spend your time with actual friends.

Ponoka7 · 19/01/2021 12:10

She doesn't want to be mates again. It isn't worth working out why. Just move on.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/01/2021 12:16

Why are you chasing her?, the minute she told you what topics you were and were not allowed talk about I'd have been out the door, what a weirdo

MrsHugsxx · 19/01/2021 14:00

Block her and don't give her any more thought. The friendship couldn't have been real if it consisted of only talking about the hobby.

OrigamiOwl · 19/01/2021 14:56

For whatever reason she doesn't want to be friends. Just leave her be and don't contact her.

AliceinBunniland · 20/01/2021 18:22

No.

I have read your other thread about your friend and I think maybe you need to read the other person's actions a bit more and stop making an effort with people who do not seem to value your friendship.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 20/01/2021 18:30

You had to delete her number to stop yourself contacting her again? Do you think perhaps you were being a bit full on and that's why she told you to stick to talking about the hobby? Sounds like she was trying to keep boundaries with you.

Notanotherteenmovie1 · 20/01/2021 18:52

I understand why you say that but she was also doing the same, talking a lot about relationships etc.
Anyway I've recognised it's really silly to contact her again. Don't really understand why she sent the long emotional message about our friendship, followed then unfollowed but no point thinking about it anymore I know.

OP posts:
Anywherebuthere · 20/01/2021 19:26

Forget the 'friendship' and leave it at that. She isnt interested. Thats all there is to it.

WhereamI88 · 20/01/2021 20:44

What I don't understand is why you want to be friends with that self centred woman?

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