To send my baby to nursery?

[SaraJS216]

DD is almost 8 months and due to start nursery for one day a week in February. She initially wasn't due to start until I return to work in April, however due to baby classes not running and being unable to meet other mums and their babies, I have been worried about her spending so much time with just me at home (I'm a single mother). So I thought nursery would be good for her development which I've been feeling anxious about.

My mum and her partner (in their 60's) have DD one night a week at the moment, but have said they won't be willing to do so if she goes to nursery as they feel the risk of her potentially catching and transmitting covid to them is too high, so would only see us outside for walks. They have a great bond with DD and i would feel sad for her and them not having as much contact, but as I said I'm worried about her development potentially being affected by the current situation.

I do understand their feelings, however I'm now torn about what to do. AIBU if I send DD to nursery?

In scotland nursery places are currently only for keyworker children. I'm not sure I'd be sending my baby to nursery unless it was absolutely necessary. I don't blame them for worrying

I’d worry that 1 day a week wouldn’t really be enough for her to settle into a routine there. In your situation I’d maybe spend more time with the grandparents and wait until April when you need to go back to work.

My baby started nursery recently at a similar age so I could start my return to work.

I don’t use my “under 1 allowed bubble” because my family members are for various reasons not suitable, so my baby had literally never been away from us until he went to nursery.

I’m still worried about sending him as our only infection vector atm (I’m a critical worker but for the short term can wfh).

In your position, I would prefer to maintain the family contact than send baby to nursery, because it is a risk and it’s not like he isn’t seeing anyone and you aren’t getting a break, because he is and you are.

Send him when you HAVE to, but now for you doesn’t seem to be that time.

^Her, sorry.

I don't think babies really interact much with other babies at 8 months. They play side by side, more. So I wouldn't think it would have much to do with her development.

I wouldn’t bother at 8 months. She really won’t get much out of it, they’ll have to close if any cases in her bubble and she’ll lose the time with her grandparents which is probably equally valuable. Just take her to the park as much as possible and point out other babies in the playground, on the swings etc. She’ll be ok.

At 3, maybe, but at 8 months definitely not. They don't get enough out of it to make it worthwhile, they just want familiarity, kindness and routine at that age.

Thanks all, that's really helpful - I just want what's best for DD and with her being my first I wasn't quite sure how detrimental lack of socialisation at that age would be, so your comments have reassured me

8 month old babies don’t want to go to nursery and be with other babies. What they most want is to be with their parents. A baby going to nursery is for the benefit of the parents, not the baby.

I don’t mean this in a nasty way, I m an it in a nice way - your baby will be happiest doing what she does now, being with you. So unless you need her to go, you are doing the best thing for her, so don’t worry!

Normally I think nursery is a thing but at the moment I'd leave it as long as possible (hopefully things will be better in April?)
I have had to send my 7 month in as back to work now and he has never been left with anyone but me or my husband. He was absolutely fine going to nursery.
Much better for your daughter to be with family than nursery at the moment.

DS is two and an only child we are both keyworkers so he has been going to nursery and it has been very good for him to interact with other children, but at 8 months she'll be better off spending time with grandparents unless you need her to go to nursery, and i am not anti nursery DS has been going since 11 months to get him used to it before I went back to work at a year. We did swimming lessons and music group at that age and whilst he enjoyed the activities he paid very little attention to the other babies, different now he's older.

At 8 months she won't interest with other children anyway. I wouldn't take the risk unless I absolutely had to due to work.

8 month olds REALLY don't need nursery for their development. It's of no benefit at that age. I would much prefer her spend the time with her grandmother. I think it would be daft personally and an unnecessary risk. Hold off.

If you don't need it, I wouldn't. Settling a child in nursery for one day a week will be a nightmare and she won't really benefit from it. DS is 17 months (has been in nursery for 5 months) and it's only really beginning to interest him now. From a developmental perspective, babies don't need anything other than a good attachment to their primary caregiver. You are more than enough for her!

I'm a big fan of nurseries, DD1 went full-time from 10 months and DD2 will do the same. I honestly wouldn't bother though, I think just doing one day can be very tough on them as they don't get long enough to settle so it may be more harmful in the long run. At that age, I found the average was more in the stimulation they give because of the varied activities rather than socialisation as such.

An 8 month old doesn’t need nursery for development, if you’re all managing with the current set up I would leave things as they are

I would do whatever is best for you. For her, you and probably her GPs are all the socialisation she really needs at that age. Babies need a strong bond with a few important people. Making friends her own age won't happen for a while yet.

That said, nursery is fine too. But, in terms of you getting time to yourself, which I'm sure you desperately need, probably the grandparents having her once a week overnight is more valuable at the moment. Nurseries won't be as flexible and they don't know your dd, so it does take some getting used to for both of you. So, on balance, at this stage, no, I wouldn't bother. She will be starting soon enough.

Mine were at home with me until 2 and I didn’t do baby classes.

8 month olds don't benefit from nursery, they go because parents are working and don't have anyone else to look after them.

I wouldn’t bother tbh - she won’t get anything from it at this age, as many have said. She’ll benefit more from time with her gps I’d have thought - as will you!

At 8 months nursery would really only be childcare, not development or learning of any kind.

I’m normally quite pro nursery but I think in your situation she would benefit more from the time spent with her grandparent. At 8 months she won’t be missing out by not going to nursery and not being able to go to groups. My baby is 10 months and his development is probably better than his sisters at this age because we’ve been home so much to play on the floor compared to being out and about. There will be plenty of time for them to mix with other babies and children as they get older.

I wouldn't worry about her just being with you and immediately family, I think that's probably best for her.

There are things you can do at home, ways of playing and interacting that support development and you're probably already doing all of them. If you want some new ideas or are just bored and want some other ideas to pass the time (which is where I am at the moment with my early 6month old!) then there are some online options. It's not the same I know but I try and do something each day just to give a bit of structure to the day - if you look on Facebook for 'beautiful new beginnings online baby classes' they do some really good things like baby massage, sing and sign and yoga amongst others. They're free. Also there's a lady on YouTube called Sophie Pickles who does lots of baby class activity things. And on Instagram there's the bbctinyhappypeople account with some ideas.

Trying some of those might help put your mind at rest that she's getting some of the same input she get from classes/nursery. I know it doesn't help with the social side but I don't think she will miss that as much as we worry about it! I don't think you need to do the classes either if you're not up for it - but I find they make me feel a bit better if nothing else!

Children really don't need socialising outside the family until they are three. In fact, children who spend more time with adults than peers until that age actually show better behaviour and skills. So unless you need it, I wouldn't bother.

I would send her, but 1 day a week is likely to be very hard to adapt to, its too long between each session so you may find settling in takes a lot longer. Could you do 2 half days instead of 1 whole day instead?