I'm failing DS

[SleepingStandingUp]

So many people WFH / have lots of kids are smashing home schooling so why are we struggling so much?

I have ONE child in school, in year 1. That's allm. We get sat 20 phonics questions, 4-16 maths questions, a short literacy activity and then maybe something else a few times a week.

He hates it all.

Hates school. Hates home school.

He can do phonics on his own, I tend to do the typing for literacy so he just had to verbalise and o try and do the maths with him whilst his baby brothers are napping.

We could easily get it done in one focused hour but it takes 4, with arguing on both sides.

I've offered to send him to school. No, hysterical.

I've offered to send him work back to the teacher not done. No, hysterical.

Nothing I do works but I have one child to teach and no job. How can I be this useless?

And we're Def not getting any additional work done. No handwriting practice (he draws lots), no work books, no science projects or big art stuff as I spend the twins naps trying to get through maths and lunch, and whilst they're awake I can't sit seperately painting or doing crafts with DS.

How does everyone else cope and why am I so shit?

Did he hate school before this?

I'm having the same issues with a 13 year old, and I feel I just can't deal with it every bloody day.

@ineedaholidaynow

Did he hate school before this?

He used to be clingy in nursery, got better and went in fine and was fine in Reception. For the months he was there.... Then start of lockdown was fine but gradually got worse. September he told me every day twice a day he didn't like school, they don't do fun stuff (year 1, limited mobility in class, no touching each other or TA) but went in fine (hand over at gate to TA) and always said he'd had fun. A few issues with missed playtimes die to toiletting issues.

We are always really positive about school, he knows o loved school at his age etc, he gets on well with the TA especially, has friends

@OldAndWornOut

I'm having the same issues with a 13 year old, and I feel I just can't deal with it every bloody day.

It's now understandable with an older one, they must have so much more work and attitude and opinion

Have you spoken to school?

I've been wondering if children are going to be affected in this way, because I can sort of understand the feeling of being in a safe little cocoon, just ignoring the world and it's pressures and woes.

You are not failing ! Being home is so different. They are in their home where their stuff they love is being taught by their mum who they prone to act out more for then the teachers.

I have a teen who sorts him self out school wise.
1 primary aged child
And 1 not in school
So really only having to teach the 1 and she is awful same issue as you taking 4 hours to do what is an hours work !

I'd make it more fun. Talk to the teacher, tell her getting him to focus on the worksheets is a battle and you're going to get a bit creative with it so he doesn't realise it's "school".

Look at CBeebies from 9am. Joe Wicks for PE

Maths, activities you do together. Counting money. Sharing out grapes or whatever. Playing games like shut the box or brainbox games for specific subjects.

Handwriting - he writes the shopping list while you look in the fridge for what you need. He writes and creates menus for the table at mealtimes to "order" from. Write letters to grandparents or friends and then post them.

Ruth Miskin for phonics on YouTube. Get him some headphones for it. Whatever sound the teacher is asking you to focus on that day there will be a video for it.

@ineedaholidaynow

Have you spoken to school?

School call fortnightly. Say just do it best. Offered to talk to him bit he'll just rabbit on about his toys, say he'll be good, term them he doesn't like school and nothing will have really gone in.

Learner of the week last week was a girl with 4 older siblings in school who got our for always being her work done so quickly. Like wth

My advice is let it go entirely. I'm in Melbourne, and we had a long lock down here, and it was a long process of people relaxing their standards. It's extreme circumstances, obviously bad for kids, and supporting their mental and physical health is the top (and for me, eventually the only) priority.

I have 3 kids, and 2 were okay with online school and one was not. I let him learn coding and read novels instead (he's 9). The teachers kicked off a bit, but what can they do? And what can I do, for that matter? Anyway, when school started, he was fine, his marks were fine, it didn't matter at all.

I've been wondering if children are going to be affected in this way, because I can sort of understand the feeling of being in a safe little cocoon, just ignoring the world and it's pressures and woes.
And he can be a bit on his own world anyway. Can't interrupt if his toys are mod episode he's acting out. Tales several attempts to break through when he's (ignoring me) watching something on TV. Half his life in dress up and withering on about his favourite characters. They don't go to school. They don't eat lunch. They don't go pee on the toilet. Why does he have to??

I'd make it more fun the problem is because I don't know what we're doing each day until 8.30 there's so little time to plan. We do yoga first thing (D's dislikes Joe Wicks and I think his ego is larger than his muscles. Team Jaime) and I can usually get him to do phonics as it's easy (he can read all the words and it's just rearranging the letters / sentences), he refused number blocks today (no12 does a lovely episode on arrays and he loves number blocks), moaned about BBC bitesize and wouldn't watch it). Fridays random science was Neil Armstrong and planets. By the time it came through the twins were up so needed feeding, then they're climbing and chewing everything in creation so I don't have the focus to find interesting videos on Neil frigging Armstrong who we did last year and the teachers video was 15 minutes of slide shows (yes I know they're working under immense pressure and no o don't expect th to cater specifically to my child).
We have work books and toy money and board games and all sorts but I can't get us organised enough to fit that into what is somedays an hours nap over our lunchtime

@Puddinger but if o let DS do nothing but play for the next 2-3 months he isn't going to be ok when he goes back because the other children will be able to add, subtract, multiply and divide, they'll know about the different classifications of animals or the rules for writing instructions and will have practised their phonics etc. At least at 9 the basics are established and you're adding on blocks. At 5, having missed half of reception, it's the foundations of learning. Left alone he won't teach himself coding or read books all day

Is there a teenager or University student who lives nearby who can bubble up with you and be his learning buddy/tutor? Sometimes they work so much better for others, and then you dont have to stress about the babies as well as trying to teach. Someone else might be able to get him through the key bits in an hour and then have half an hour of his favourite creative play as a reward.

No, we have MIL who Def wouldn't keep him focused as our bubble, were not near the local University (next town over) and really wouldn't have space for them to work . DH is WFH in DSs bedroom, were in the living room, wouldn't think it's ideal DS and random adult in my bedroom. Tiny kitchen, no dining room. Really by MN standards were in substandard accommodation for the number of children we've produced 😁 but really can't see a way another adult coming in could be manageable when I've got the babies on top.

"the problem is because I don't know what we're doing each day until 8.30 there's so little time to plan"

You don't really need to plan to the schools tune if you tell the teacher you're going off plan.

You can do maths and science activities whilst out for a walk some days. Shopping lists, letters and menus. There, planned this weeks English for you

Spot 5 types of tree and 5 types of bird, talk about trees/birds whilst out looking.

Maths - brainbox games and shut the box as well as number blocks (worse than Joe wicks but anyway) and team umizoomi.

Phonics - he's already ok with.

Take the pressure off yourself and your DS and just do anything at all with him. I know you're worried about him falling behind, but really he won't. Many parents are struggling right now regardless of their circumstances, and you must know how people present their lives/home learning 'successes' on social media is often not the real picture, or even true. And the school awarding 'learner of the week' what is that all about? I would definitely be feeding back my thoughts to them on that!

Everyday activities can definitely be learning experiences. I learnt this during the first lockdown when I was furloughed and struggling to get DS to do the work set by the school. I just spent time being with him and doing whatever when the official learning became a battle. This time I'm working and barely have any free time to sit with DS to do his school work. But I know from last year that we wouldn't get it all done even if I wasn't working.

Go easy on yourself, you are not failing your child. You are just feeling the pressure like all parents of school aged kids right now. Ignore everyone else and just have fun with him, he'll her do much out of it

Could you do 10 mins a time instead of trying to do a longer stretch. Maybe put your stopwatch on phone and make it into a game. So see how many sums he can do in 10 mins and break his own record. Also if he is managing phonics well get him reading more books for fun.
Topmarks Hit the Button is good for practicing adding/ subtraction with out having to write anything. He might be enjoying the attention of making a drama out of it when there is twins to compete with so lots of positive attention when twins are asleep to fill his tank.

You have a clear idea of what learning is needed, I think! I agree with pp, try to do things at home which achieve the goals rather than wait for school, necessarily. Eg for maths, have you tried kumon workbooks? For easy practice doing addition, subtraction, multiplication (once he knows his tables off by heart, the division is easy so I'd leave that). They are designed for kids to be able to do them on their own, with just you in the vicinity for encouragement and the odd bit of help, as they start easy and gradually get harder. DC get a sense of achievement and because it is easy learning, and repetitive, it is quite calming. For multiplication do games to learn the hard ones, like 8 x 8 is 64 you can sing that or get him to incorporate it several times in a drawing.

For phonics or reading, I used to find last thing at night best - ie we were lying on bed and i was about to do reading to dc and I would get them to read just one simple phrase first themselves - just one every night actually builds competence quite effectively amazingly enough.

Again for science and the world around etc, we have read the amazing dk books (amazing photos) in bed for ages, one page a night, it is interesting and takes 10 mins. It fires up their interest in learning. If you are reading, you can get the ones for older kids.

And there are quite good youtube videos for young kids, on things like volcanoes and the human body ("kids health chloe and the nerf (or nurb?)") which are 5 mins long and fire up interest.

I would take heart and keep hope, learn small things a day and things will eventually get back on track

It’s not as simple as you only having one child to teach as you also have your babies. My daughter was still 2 during the first lockdown and she spent more time than I’d like to admit staring at a tablet or eating sweets/biscuits/crisps so that I could get on with some work with her 11 and 12 year old brothers. I don’t think I’d have got much done with them at all if she’d been any younger.

I know you’re worried your son will fall behind but he’s only in Year 1. Even if he does, he has years to catch up. An hour’s focused work is too much for lots of 5-6 year olds. Try grabbing 5 minutes throughout the day, as much as is possible with baby twins, to read a quick phonics book, write a quick card to someone, count all the Smarties in a tube, sort his toy cars into a repeating colour pattern, whatever. That kind of thing is honestly enough at this age. Do you have any board games that would help with reading or maths? Orchard toys do some very good ones that don’t take too long to play. If he’s having fun he won’t see it as a chore. Then things like play dough, kinetic sand, cutting and sticking, playing with small figures, threading beads, drawing, colouring will all help with his fine motor skills so that writing becomes easier for him.

Ok you know your child is working towards adding, subtracting etc in maths, phonics, reading and handwriting in English. Science and art and all that stuff can go alongside those basic skills. Health and fitness can be incorporated too. My advice would be to let the teacher know you're going off plan a bit to try and meet those main aims with ds, and then each morning check what's been assigned, if it will work for you, great. If not, ignore it and use some of the suggestions made in this thread, and incorporate learning into every day stuff. Take some pressure off you both, have a bit of fun. Ds will learn stuff without realising.

Sorry, we do yoga then play, then phonics then play, then babies nap then maths and then depending on how long the literacy activity is I can usually slip it in whilst he's wandering around the living room or jumping up and down. I wouldn't actually expect an hour's focused work when he can barely sit for 5 minutes, I just meant it isn't a days full work

OP is there someone who could do 20 minutes at a time with DS online?
My BF does this with her DD. She has roped in various friends and family to do different "lessons" with her on a semi regular basis.

So, for example, Aunty Sarah does maths twice a week for 20 mins each, Grandad does Art for an hour twice a week, close friend does spellings etc etc. She finds her DD is more responsive to this.

Can you get him to help with cooking? So we cut the sandwiches in half is maths. Cheese comes from cows etc etc

Don't present things as an option, just, this is what is happening now...

Sorry - x post.

Well no, it isn't a days full work. Stop beating yourself up. What you are doing is plenty. Are you often hard on yourself?

Try to make it more fun - I home schooled mine at that age. We used the bbc programmes eg horrible histories, I set them project tasks and they learned to use power point, dd2 who was 5 at the time I homeschooled much preferred factual books, so I bought the usbourne science ones and there was a bbc learning magazine then you could buy, dd1 (7 then) was a very competent reader and speller already and loved maths work books so I ordered them.

Obviously no covid so we would have a weekly theme and do a trip etc. Whilst not as easy you can do nature trips etc.