To feel resentment towards my sons dad

[mochapls]

I've been split up from my sons dad for five years. He has consistently seen him most weekends and we share holidays 50/50. In that aspect he is a good dad and has a good relationship with our son.

I went through child maintenance to get financial support from him. It was £208 but has now dropped to £98.62 a month from Nov. I believe this is because he have moved in with his girlfriend, they now have a baby together and she already had two children.

I work 9-5 and am now having to homeschool and am finding it so difficult to manage a demanding job while teaching my son. His dad has said he can't have our son because he is a delivery driver and has to work. Financially, it is very tight but I know that January is always a difficult month.

I am feeling so much resentment towards his dad. I feel like he should be paying more (although CMA have lowered the amount he has to pay to £98.62 so if he was to pay more it would be voluntary). I feel like he should be having our child during the week more- even one week a month, so that I can get on with work and our son can have a change of environment and be around other kids for a bit.

Me and his new girlfriend talk and she told me that she doesn't let him pay towards the mortgage or the car they drive as they are hers. He pays the water bill and council tax. This made me even more annoyed. He hasn't got big expenses and is basically a kept man while I'm having to struggle like a single parent. He's always in the latest nike tracksuits and trainers while I'm having to stretch out my sons trainers as I can't afford to buy more.

Am I unreasonable to feel angry and upset? Should I just be grateful my son has a dad who even wants to spend weekends with him? How can I get over this and just accept that he won't change?

Why don’t you say you notice he has new trainers he didn’t necessarily need and a contribution towards new trainers for your son wouldn’t go a miss or if he’s not going to do that surely he gets a discount code for all these wasteful trainer purchases

It’s good he’s a good Dad in most ways but no you don’t have to be grateful - it’s what he should be.

He is not a good Dad in not supporting your son, and buying expensive clothes rather than giving money to his child is beyond selfish.

Could you talk to him and his partner jointly and explain you either need the contributions back up to x, or you need them to take your son for x amount of time.

The partner will know he has spare cash which is why I’d approach them jointly. She will probably prefer he pay up than she has an extra kid in the house.

Try that. And if it doesn’t work - he has to take him more.

If he's a delivery driver, shouldn't your son qualify for a key worker place, at least on his days? Or if not, he should be taking leave if (as it sounds) he's not going to be left financially crippled.

It's absolutely not fair if you are having to take responsibility for all schooling - but more importantly it's high risk for you and ds. Maybe your job is safe and ignore this, but I'm a single mum and was made redundant after having to take a big step back over lockdown 1 - you really do need to prioritise keeping your.job.

He needs to step up.