The father of our children and I keep rebounding. He loves me and knows that I have emotionally disconnected from him which he says he is desperate to fix. He is the childrens bestfriend and we want to stay together to conveniently remain as a family unit which I don't have an issue with. He came back to live with us today, because it makes things more convenient. Everyone I've spoken to about this says they would leave, but I'm not asking for advice on that, I really don't want to leave. My partner has a close female best-friend, they've known eachother for aproximetly four years, but my partner and I have known eachother much longer. He swears they just have a
brother-sister bond. Admittedly though I don't understand what one of those is. I'm uncomfortable with their relationship, There are no boundaries when they have conversations, she says they don't keep anything from eachother, and presses him when he has tried to keep my information away from her. He says he doesn't see anything wrong with this, they are friends, he should be able to trust her. She is obssesed with him, and knows all the details about his entire life. He has revealed too much to her, their conversations can be personal and deep. She passive aggresively said she was happy for him if I was what he wanted. It made me assume that she fancied him. I confronted them both, they swore they didn't feel that way towards eachother. Ever since knowing about me, she has asked for my
personal information, has spoken off-the-scales unnaceptably about me, gotten the wrong end of the stick when our relationship issues arise in their conversations and has painted me as a toxic monster and has labeled me controlling for not wanting her in his life anymore. She has used what she knows about him to her advantage, convinced him that I am no good for him and somehow manipulated him into leaving me. On top of that, she hacked into his phone and
social medias by bypassing the google security questions linked to his accounts from knowing him so well, accessed my personal information and revealed it to her friends in a groupchat. I lost my shit, told her I wish for her to get very hurt and die for all I care. she said if she knew where I lived (we were living seperately at this time) she'd have the police at my door and make me loose my job and any chance of getting a better one in the future. Eventually he came back, I was very hurt still, he said he missed me, and he said if we were to
be together I had to allow them to stay friends and talk. I said no, layed it all out, to try and get him to see her for what she is, He said he doesnt see it but realised what he was losing and agreed not to talk to her to be with me, but said that he still wanted her as his friend. He swore two different times they weren't talking anymore, he was each time behind my back. The first time, he could feel me getting emotionally distant, the second time, I had almost completely emotionally disconnected. I wasn't being nearly as affectionate as usual, he doubted that I even loved him anymore, and honestly, I was doubting that I loved him anymore. He has sworn a 3rd time he has removed her from his life to stand a chance at making things normal again. I don't believe that he has, he doesn't let me have his passwords or access to his social medias or phone, and he still wants her (has openly admitted to it) and talks fondly of her when we try and talk about why I'm disconnected from him. I've felt angry and sick for a long time, but I've sort of accepted that this is the situation that I'm in and don't feel such heated overwhelming emotions. If I do start to feel like that again I remind myself of how ill it makes me and start to find ways to calm down. Then I feel numb towards him again.
I feel as though, so long as he still wants her, I'm not safe to allow myself feel anything towards him. He said he doesn't see what's wrong with their relationship, and said he doesn't know right from wrong because of his bad upbringing. It's important to him that he has a close relationship with his children, he has said that when our other child is born he wants to be present at the birth or the child would grow up thinking that their father didn't want them if he wasn't
there when they were born. I resent him on a deep level, If I try to connect to him on an intimate level it makes me feel sick so I don't bother putting myself through that anymore. I would feel too vulnerable to have him there but I don't want him to resent me for it which he would, it would make our situation overall worse. So I'm not sure what I'm asking, I feel torn.