To be hurt

[ItsGrimUpNorth]

by a nearly 3 year old boy who has always preferred his dad?

Even when he wakes up from a nightmare or falls over, he only wants his dad and is furious with me if I try to comfort him or even take him out of his car seat instead of his dad?

It guts me to be actively rejected like this all the time. I'm starting to feel jealous. I hate that.

I simply always thought kids loved their mums? Not more than their dads necessarily but I never thought it would have to be an all or nothing situation like mine seems to be. Even DH thinks it very odd.

I'd put it down to the fact that he's only a wee boy but DH asks him if he loves mummy and he resoundly says, "No!" and a big, "Yes!" to the same q about Daddy or Grandma or Uncle DooDaa. I get annoyed with DH for asking this question because I don't think he understands it. DH says he gets the same response whether I'm there or not.

Am I over reacting? It's been going on since he was five months old and could express himself a bit over who he wanted to hold him.

I expect your ds answers daddy every time because of the reaction he gets from everyone when he says it, not because he loves one more than the other. Tell your dh to stop asking ds because it's hugely unfair on you.

hiya, your post made me feel sorry for you!
if its any consolation,no you are not being unreasonable to expect your child to show you love! however, kids have a distinct knack of saying things exactly how it is to them. my eldest ds was the same,and a t times i felt like you do. now he is 10 yrs old,things are much more on an even keel, we have a lovely relationship,he talks to me whereas he does 'boy things' with dh (bike fixing, football etc). don't worry its just a passing phase.

you must feel really hurt.Im sure he loves you very much.My son would always prefer a hug or story from daddy but im positive its because daddy is at work a lot and he misses him madly.Im always with him day in day out and knows to make the most of the daddy time.Could this be whats happening with your little one?

Sounds like he's been trained to respond like that. - I don't mean told "say no" but kids pick up on stuff like that non-verbally - a smile, a snigger...he probably thinks it's a game you know.

Your dh must STOP asking that. It is really mean of him. He knows that it hurts you.

My lads are real daddy's boys, I feel a pang. I admit it, I want them to love me more than anyone else. But I know I'm being unreasonable to want that. You are not being unreasonable to want such unfair game playing (by your husband, not your son!) to stop.

My MIL told me that both her sons were like this, even as tiny babies, and that she found it really hard, but that they grew out of it once they went to school. She put this down to her being a SAHM, they preferred their father when he was around because of the novelty (ditto grandparents etc) but realised what they were missing once they weren't with her all day. Might that relate to your situation at all?

BTW, they both have a fantastic relationships with her now, as I'm sure your DS will have with you.

Sorry paranoidpetra, x-post.

Never ask dcs if they love you, that's just asking for a negative response and little ones don't understand the significance we attach to the word.
Your dh should stop asking him, and if it comes up you need to be all upbeat and jolly and say to ds "It doesn't matter, i love you"....or somesuch.
Lecture over.

And he does love you, you know.

indulgemeplease......whats x-post im new to all this.

Tell DH to stop this behaviour. It might be that he (DH)is surprised that a someone loves him sooo much and he can't help but enjoy it again and again. My Mum is a little like this. I think she's surprised that my Ds loves me at all and constantly needs to be reassured by asking Ds who he loves. I brush it off as my sister knows what she's like. It might be that you have to do all the hard work and DH gets all the fun. See if you can share it out a bit more.
Get DH to tell him off sometimes.

PP - x-post = cross-post. I hadn't seen your post before I sent mine, which said basically the same as yours.

Didn't want you to think I was being a skanky copy-cat!

ah ha thanks for clearing that up.Im computer divvy not computor savvy!!!

I have something similar with ds and dp. Sometimes when I get up in the middle of the night to ds leaving dp sleeping (snoring) and go to crying ds to comfort him, he will spend the first 10 minutes crying dp name to me while saying "no mum no". It's horrible.
your dp will tell you it's nothing and that you are over reacting, but I don't think you are, it's terribly upsetting.
You need to have a firmer chat with dp and tell him to pack the fuck up and to stop turning it into a competition

Thank you for all your kind words. Much appreciated.

But DH isn't doing it as a kind of competition. DH is genuinely concerned that DS doesn't love his mum and asks him to reassure me and himself that all is ok. It only makes it worse though. You're right - he should stop asking DS.

I am a SAHM and DS only sees DH in the AMs and at weekends. I can understand his total enthusiasm for his dad. I think that's brilliant.

What hurts is the absolute, constant rejection of me. I can't read him a story, put him to bed, sit with him whilst he has his lunch/supper and DH might be reading the paper for example.

I guess I'll just have to ride it out.

Sorry, that seems harsher than I meant it. Maybe I was talking about my dp

I can imagine being a sahm makes it a tougher too as you will get less of a break from it. Is he like it during the day when dh is at work?

HIJACK

Itgrimupnorth - I so understand where you're coming from. I have the same issue with my two dc when DH is around. Everything is daddy, daddy. Sometimes I get upset about it and other times I find it very frustrating. What keeps me going is whether they like it or not I'm their Mummy!

One thing I've noticed is I think my two sons can sense when I'm frustrated or upset about it. When I'm more relaxed they're more responsive to me when DH is around.

I don't think I've helped you at all because I don't have any advice to give you, however, I just wanted to say your not alone. I can so relate to your situation.