I just wondered if anyone feels/has felt the same and what they did about it really. I feel like the last month or so I can’t stop thinking about the past - by which I mean my teenage years and particular people from it.
I am presuming this is some sort of reaction to the current shit world we live in and it’s my brain’s way of reaching back to more comforting, safe times. But it’s more than that.
I recently, during a big clear out, found some old diaries from when I was about 14 to 16 and my god, it brought back so many memories, good and bad, but mostly just intense. I was absolutely head over heels with a particular boy during that time and my diary details all the various highs and lows. I could literally feel the excitement and anxiety as I read these entries and since then I can’t stop thinking about it.
It’s not that I want to be with that boy, Christ I haven’t even seen him in probably 10 years. I am happy with a DP, in my thirties. He messed with my head so much and I’m realising probably wasn’t a very nice person, or very troubled anyway.
Perhaps it’s that there isn’t really much excitement or much of anything going on at the moment other than the constant horror show news, so this is where my mind is escaping to but it is driving me mad.
I find myself just remembering vividly certain situations and how I felt. I had quite a few boys who liked me back then and maybe I miss that feeling of being desired - don’t get me wrong, DP is loving and we have a good relationship but it’s not the same as the ‘so and so fancies you’ and wondering who’s going to ask you out, are you going to kiss etc. The terrifying but magical first love experience.
I feel pathetic even typing all of this. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I want reasons to bring things up with friends from back then, who I am still in touch with, just so I can talk about the memories. I keep looking at old photos. I feel like I miss and reminisce about those days so much it hurts.