To find this annoying

[HamishDent]

For the past year or so, I have noticed that every second email/IM seems to start with ‘Hi HamishDent, I hope you are well...’. These are usually communications from more junior members of staff or one of the functional managers (usually when they want something or are angling to steal some of my resource). Very rarely someone senior. I find it so irritating! I’m not someone who has been very ill or is off sick a lot, so it’s not due to that. I just find it such a waste of time, especially when they send an IM, write that and then sit and wait for your to respond before they say what they actually want.

I know they are probably let trying to be nice, but OMG, just tell me what you want so I can get in with my work!

Is this a thing now or is it just me. This happened pre-COVID, but it has got worse since, along with the constant ‘stay safes’ at the end of telecons.

It comes down to style. I'm quite a 'get straight to it' person myself, but I've been accused of being too abrupt so now I tend to go back and add a 'hope you're well' type intro on work emails.

If it's someone I regularly email I try to match their style.

It's hard - for every person who thinks you're waffling there's another who'll think you are unfriendly.

It's just pleasant isn't it? And they are asking after your welfare...don't know how that could be annoying. We are in a pandemic so you never know if the person you're emailing is ok.

It's a ritual isn't it? I find it annoying when they do it on the radio. The presenter announces that X is on the line then X says "hi" and asks the presenter how they are. I mean, they're not going to launch into a run down of how they're feeling, they're going to say "fine thanks", so why ask in the first place? Some presenters just ignore the question now and launch straight into the interview.

I don't mind it in emails, but i fucking HATE it in IMs! Just ask what you need to know, don't fuck about with the banal back and forth, we both know you don't give a fuck how my weekend was!

@Ohalrightthen

I don't mind it in emails, but i fucking HATE it in IMs! Just ask what you need to know, don't fuck about with the banal back and forth, we both know you don't give a fuck how my weekend was!

Definitely annoying in IMs. I don't want to sit here watching you type platitudes. Spit it out!

Eh?

Sounds like you could learn a lesson from them. It's just courtesy. Climb down off the horse.

It’s a slightly more formal way of what you would say if you saw someone face to face which is “hey, how are you?”

I’ve always used it when emailing someone I haven’t been in touch with for a while. Nothing to do with Covid.

People are trying to be nice/polite. It may be genuine or it may be a social convention, but either way I can't see any reason for you to be offended by it

It's just a social pleasantry. Like people sign off "yours sincerely" and they're not really telling you that they are without wax (which is what sincerely means).

I’m not offended, I just find it annoying when someone writes something pretending they are genuinely interested when in fact they are using it purely as general conversation opener. There’s a time and a place surely? It’s not the same as emailing or texting a friend when you genuinely want it know how they are.

It’s also interesting that the more senior people don’t do it. Are they uncaring or is it just that they are focussed on work?

Just skip over it. Ffs

I do it if I haven’t spoken to someone in ages and now want something from them; it’s the equivalent of going to their desk and saying how are you before jumping into what you want.

It's a completely normal convention. The only person who doesn't do it at my place is my ops manager and his emails always come across rude AF.

Oysterbabe,

Do XYZ

Ops Manager

I'd much prefer:

Hi Oysterbabe,

I hope you are well.

Would you mind doing XYZ?

Many thanks,

Ops manager

@HighSpecWhistle

Eh?

Sounds like you could learn a lesson from them. It's just courtesy. Climb down off the horse.

No high horse, I just find it annoying. I see from the responses here that some people do and others don’t. I would just rather skip the pleasantries and get on with what I’m paid for.

I always explain it to my German students as "social petting". In Germany if you ask someone how they are, they think you mean it and will reply with a frank rundown of their mental, physical and possibly financial condition. NO! You must reply "great! And you?" They think it's a bit mental but understand that Brits and Americans do this and if they want to make reasonable light social/ business relationships with said Brits and Americans, then they should do it too.

I get such a warm feeling when I ask a longtime (of mine) German student how they are and they, without hesitation, declare "Great! Busy! And you?"

I like my Russian best friend the best. "How are you?" "Oh my God Rick... truth/ horror described... BUT! We are alive, how great is that... let's have a drink, discuss planning a holiday, talk about how beautiful your and my children are" It's a perfect middle ground in my mind.

I miss British cheeriness so much though... its absolutely unique

Are you the same miserable twat who was moaning on Twitter about this today, specifically PR? Get a life.

How long does it take to read or skip over "Hope you're well" FFS?

I don't use it for people I am in touch with every day - but i have a business partnering role with people around the country - who in normal times I would see and speak to more frequently, A big part of my role is fostering a relationship with these managers, so yes, "how are you" and often a more personal enquiry is often the start to an email conversation.

apart from to the anti social grumble guts manager who clearly doesn't appreciate it - but that's one out of around twenty people

How long does it take to read or skip over "Hope you're well" FFS?

Exactly.

Dear God. Ok, we all have personal preferences about style. And it's fine if know someone well & it's your agreed style between you, to be direct & skip pleasantries.

But for most communication, it's mannerly, courteous & an easy way to start the interaction.

The fact that you can get this worked up is baffling but also ridiculous, considering the amount of things you could genuinely object to.

I wouldn't be surprised if OP isn't as 'matter of fact' as they like to believe. I've worked with someone who moaned about how much time people wasted making tea. But when she stopped receiving them she was obviously miserable about it.

I think the senior people don't bother with the niceties because you can't punish them when they don't.

It’s kind of funny you’re writing a post to say how this makes you waste time.
So actually wasting time saying how much it makes you waste time.
Lol.
I feel sorry for your colleagues who probably just use it as a normal intro.
Have you ever asked a colleague ‘how are you?’ Without really caring about the answer?
Or said ‘I hope you don’t mind doing X X’ not really caring that much if the person wants to do it or not?
It’s called social conventions.
It’s nice.
It makes living together not miserable.

I retired a couple of years ago and it had been very common for a while. I'm with you, OP. Completely pointless and it never came over as sincere.

@Oysterbabe: I once made the mistake of asking someone if they minded doing something. They replied that they did mind. It was rather awkward then saying that I needed them to do it anyway!

I do find it slightly annoying, because it's not a genuine interest in my wellbeing.. I do sometimes use it simply because I don't know what else I could say to sound pleasant, I'm very much a straight to the point person, and pleasantries are difficult!

It's social etiquette. I worked for a Director years back who never bothered with the niceties on email. Not even a Regards... let alone 'Dear ...' or 'many thanks'. It was eye opening how resentful people were of his email style. I think people felt he was just barking orders & politeness costs nothing . I altered my straight to it approach after that. You get more with honey , than vinegar. I did find the PA's email styke as bit too much 'hun' & gushy, but you oil the wheels by reciprocating in similar vein.

@HamishDent

I’m not offended, I just find it annoying when someone writes something pretending they are genuinely interested when in fact they are using it purely as general conversation opener. There’s a time and a place surely? It’s not the same as emailing or texting a friend when you genuinely want it know how they are.

It’s also interesting that the more senior people don’t do it. Are they uncaring or is it just that they are focussed on work?

Is that not most polite conversation 🙄