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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Tradesman asking for a sandwich

592 replies

AtleastitsnotMonday · 18/01/2021 15:49

I’ve had a tradesman working on the outside of my property today. Got here about 11.30, job was about a couple of hours worth of work. About 1200 I went out and asked if I could get him a tea or coffee. He answered “Tea, white with two please, would you be able to knock me up a cheese sandwich while your there?”
Now, admittedly I’m rubbish at saying no at the best of times and I wasn’t expecting this so obliged, even returning to check if he would like pickle/tomato etc with it.”
Dp thinks I’ve lost the plot and he was being grabby and to be honest I’ve only ever made drinks with the odd biscuit before, the only exception being when we had an extension built which was a much longer project and I outdone make them bacon sandwiches on a Friday morning if I wasn’t working.
Would you have made a sandwich?

OP posts:
SherlocksDeerstalker · 18/01/2021 18:55

My DH is a trade, and is often called into jobs with different groups of workers. Without fail he takes a huge bottle of ice water, a litre of tea in a flask, a box of easy snacks and a lunch. The amount of people who turn up on every job with no food, no drinks, expecting everything to just stop so they can go to the nearest McDonald’s is crazy. He has never understood it. If a customer offers him a hot drink and a biscuit, he is delighted. Some people like to (like the ladies up thread), and some like a chat, some leave them to get on with it and don’t offer anything. But the point is, they don’t need to offer, because he organises himself, like every other working adult in the country, regardless of the fact he’s a ‘trade’.

RantyAnty · 18/01/2021 18:55

For those who have cleaners come in, how many of you make them lunch?

VettiyaIruken · 18/01/2021 18:56

@PaulaThePug

I have in the past made coffee and have sex with them and offered both .
Well that's just common courtesy. What do you want, a medal?

😁😁

PissedOffAgain · 18/01/2021 18:59

@PaulaThePug

I have in the past made coffee and have sex with them and offered both .
You are a good client!
AtleastitsnotMonday · 18/01/2021 19:02

No certainly not in the north, in fact as far south in the uk as you can go!
It was a one of quick job, as far as I can tell he’s done a good job of it, so no expectations of a daily sandwich!

OP posts:
Holly60 · 18/01/2021 19:03

I think as a one off because he forgot his lunch is probably ok. If he asks again, you could say ‘oh goodness, did you forget your lunch AGAIN? (Fake laugh) I’ll see what I’ve got but you will have to set yourself a reminder next time’

Holly60 · 18/01/2021 19:04

Oh sorry just seen you’ve said it was a one off. I think as a one off it’s not too bad - would be terribly annoying if it became a regular thing

WombatChocolate · 18/01/2021 19:05

I have a lot of respect for PigletJohn who posted upthread. He is the MN resident expert Plumber so knows his tradesmen and he says this is just testing to see if you're a pushover. As he says, give tradesmen free access to the kitchen and say 'help yourself' and they really will. He knows the reality.

Interested too in the American perspective and that workmen there never would expect to be given drinks or food and expect to bring their own. Of course, most other people working out if the office or away from home in the UK expect to provide their own too. Mobile hairdressers might be given a drink but probably wouldn't ask for lunch and similar for the piano tuner, the tutor who comes to teach children, a financial adviser who visits at home, the salesman showing carpet samples etc etc. People expect to bring their own and take a short break away from the client, having a breather and eating their lunch or to head to a cafe or shop to grab a sandwich. They provided for themselves.

This idea of hourly coffee and an endless supply of biscuits being a good thing or needed to get the job done seems peculiarly British. And lots of people on this thread are clearly big supporters of it....do they feel their hospitality is somehow on show or its some kind of community activity? Perhaps it goes back to when tradesmen were locals and usually known to you - so you would feed and water these people who were your neighbours and friends....but things are different now, but somehow people haven't move on in their expectations.

In what other industry is it okay to have a break after 30 mins of work or to stop for multiple breaks during the day, whisky being paid....and to look a bit disgruntled in certain types of biscuits are offered? Is this a thing about male workmen and their interactions with historically women who are housewives? I'm really interested in where this actually quite unusual social dynamic between workmen and women who are employing them comes from and why so many people are positively effusive about cooking up bacon rolls and offering significant hospitality for them.

I say again, if you choose to offer..I find it a bit interesting and surprising, but no problem becaue it's your choice to do so. Very different from expecting and asking...I think it's probably quite manipulative and as PigletJohn says, a way of sizing people up....not just for if they're kind or hospitable, but also whether they might be taken advantage of in terms of pricing, reliability etc. It's overstepping the mark. Like Op lots of people say they would have been caught off guard......in itself, the behaviour is appropriate because it intends to catch someone off guard.

changedmynamelol · 18/01/2021 19:09

I wouldnt offer tea or sandwiches.

Twillow · 18/01/2021 19:10

VERY cheeky. Have occasionally been asked for a cup of tea if I've been busy and forgotten to offer, but that's it.

MaLarkinn · 18/01/2021 19:11

i would have just made a sandwich and thought no more if it. it’s just two slices of bread and a bit of cheese.

Wingedharpy · 18/01/2021 19:12

@PaulaThePug : I bet you never have a problem finding a willing plumber, joiner, builder, gardener etc etc😲

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 18/01/2021 19:14

By God that's cheeky! I'd always offer tea/cold drink, if they'll be there a while I might add biscuits. When I had a group of people taking down trees for a couple of days I made the first couple of rounds, and provided biscuits/crisps, then told the junior sent in to ask for the next round where the kettle was and told him to help himself.

TBH I'm more generous when the people are more polite/helpful and less when they're rude.

WombatChocolate · 18/01/2021 19:15

This thing about lots of workmen arriving without any food or drink provision at all,modes seem to be part of the culture...and perhaps its part of controlling the day and the job.

Even if I go for a walk, I've got a bottle of water with me. Lots of people go out for the day and take a flask and a sandwich box. Huge numbers of workers take a packed lunch to work - they probably make their drinks at work but the lunch is planned in advance and taken with them. But some workmen seem to want to have mutineers trips off site.....to get breakfast (long break) and then to get lunch (long break) and to sit down for a coffee 5 times during the day. You'd almost think they didn't feel a sense of urgency to get in with the job and finish it off. I think it is very much about control. You might be the customer who is paying them, but they want to determine the hours, how much they work and to have as many breaks as they feel like. It's very different to most other jobs. It strikes me almost as a refusal to have a client-employee relationship. And if the client makes noises about certain hours, or when the job will be finished, such comments are often met with derision and as if they are asking something outrageous, it is all very odd.

Not all of them I Know. Lots of excellent, reliable workmen who are able to manage an hour for lunch (which they've brought with them rather than needing 3 trips off the job to refuel) and work to a timescale they've communicated. But a sizeable minority who aren't like this still.

Tigerstripe20 · 18/01/2021 19:18

DH is trade and always takes everything he will need for the day , sandwich box , two small flasks of coffee and squash .
It stays in his vehicle in a small cool box for the food .

My neighbours builders asked me for a coffee once , my frowny face must have said it all as his mate said “ I guess that’s a no then “

Except for a coffee and water , I wouldn’t offer anything else

AlwaysLatte · 18/01/2021 19:19

We had regular workmen here at the start of last year for a big building project for 3 months in the cold and I made them all bacon and egg rolls every day, but I offered, they didn't ask! We also make our gardener lunch when he's here but again he never expects it.
Having said that, are you sure he wasn't joking?

WombatChocolate · 18/01/2021 19:26

There seems to be this 'cheeky chappy' persona for some workmen which means they think they can give a winning smile and ask for all kinds of cheeky things that people in other workplaces and professions wouldn't consider.......multiple coffees, with the suggestion you're somehow not a good egg if it's not forthcoming every hour, that you'll understand and not even ask if they don't turn up when expected or go off for 3 hours in the middle of the day or finish at 3pm. A bit if a cheeky grin and a rather cheeky request which is pushing it, can be used to unnerve the customer and de-stabilise their expectation of what is normal and acceptable behaviour on the job. I think a lot of these things might happen when there's more than 1 workmen and essentially they can behave to intimidate the customer. That is essentially what this is about...it's about behaving unprofessionally but FOI g it in a way which makes it very hard to call them on...or that's what they want. If you say no to the sandwich, they might decide you're a bit of a bitch, but also not such a pushover.

GlomOfNit · 18/01/2021 19:30

Of course the OP could make him a sarnie and of course she doesn't begrudge it - but yes, it's bloody cheeky! I've never, ever come across a tradesman asking for anything to eat, though for guys who were staying a while, say two mugs of tea's worth, I'd offer a packet of biscuits to go with the tea/coffee I always offer. 'Knock me up a cheese sarnie' is just trying it on!

Also, he got there at 11.30 for two hours of work? So that would be knocking off at 1.30. Which is lunchtime, really. Why did he need a snack to break up two hours' work??

Tzimi · 18/01/2021 19:30

@AtleastitsnotMonday Yes, I don't think it's an unreasonable request, to provide him with some food. After all, he's working hard for you!

Doobigetta · 18/01/2021 19:33

Is this a thing about male workmen and their interactions with historically women who are housewives?

I think it must be. If I have a tradesman round then I’m still working, and I want to let them in, explain what’s needed and leave them to get on with it asap so I can get on with my work. I don’t have time to fuck about making them cups of tea, never mind sandwiches, and I’d feel that I was taking the piss out of my employer if I did. I’m already expecting them to accommodate background noise and distractions.

cittabassa · 18/01/2021 19:44

I agree with all WombatChocolate's posts.

AvoidingNextdoorNeighbour · 18/01/2021 19:46

Yep, not a fucking chance he would have asked your DH/DP! How fucking cheeky!

I mean, I totally would have made him one because I would have been so taken aback I wouldn't have known what to say! But wow. Cheek! And I'm the type that offers snacks, food and drinks to workers here all day. Can't say I'd offer someone their lunch after being here just over half an hour though!

DH and I were in the kitchen last week and a workman came over the 5ft garden fence from a house on the next street, walked past our kitchen window where DH and I stood doing the dishes, and proceeded to fill buckets from our outside tap just below us! All he would have had to do was look at us (instead of ignoring us) and pointed to his buckets and I would have said "Of course! Go right ahead!" But he didn't. And it appears they've still got weeks of work to go.

So our outside water is now turned off for winter. Better be safe than sorry. Don't want a frozen pipe, eh?!

Christmasfairy2020 · 18/01/2021 19:48

Haha I'd probably oblige and crack on lol as otherwise he gonna have to leave to get the sandwich and may not come bk

ElizaLaLa · 18/01/2021 19:48

I wonder how many people on this thread posted that SM blurb that went something like 'To anyone struggling at the moment, please know that my door is always open. All you need to do is ask, in confidence. I will feed you or drop shopping to your door, whatever you need' when it was going around?

🤔 🤨

TopTabby · 18/01/2021 19:51

I don't think that's on & hope I'd have laughed off his cheeky request.
I provide tea or coffee & biscuits every 2 hours or so, or for outdoor work it's a kettle & stuff in the garage. No lunches!
I can't help remembering a thread a few months ago where a poster asked for opinions on making her dh a packed lunch. The response was overwhelmingly that he should do it himself, making a sandwich was absolutely not something you would do. It became quite nasty!
But for a cheeky tradesman it's fine? Yeah, right. Willing to bet most of you wouldn't do it IRL.Grin This is Mumsnet where most people won't even answer the door!