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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wannabe instamummies

27 replies

Saywhattttttttttttt · 18/01/2021 14:32

I know someone who has a beautiful little one year old boy and she is absolutely obsessed with his public instagram page. Posts daily updates and stories throughout the day.

The page is completely public and has a few thousand followers.

She is on there ranting today because some random person has screenshotted his pictures and used them in a tiktok video. I agree that this is weird and not okay behaviour but have also tried to point out that once his pictures are out there on a public platform that she no longer has any control over them and people could be screenshotting them for much more sinister uses. It is completely falling on deaf ears and her little brigade of instamummies are all outraged that I have dared to make the point.

AIBU to think that once you post public pictures of your kids its your own fault when they are used inappropriately

OP posts:

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 18/01/2021 14:37

Yanbu to think it, she likely knows it herself but it sounds like she wanted a rant and you publicly scolded her.

You should really have kept your thoughts to yourself, or messaged privately if you absolutely had to tell her the thing she knows now anyway.

Original poster

Saywhattttttttttttt · 18/01/2021 14:41

I don't think she does know it herself though, she made his page private for all of 10 minutes then changed it back to public again with just a watermark on the photos for copyright.

I didn't scold her just pointed out people could be using them for worse things than a tiktok video

OP posts:

Sheleg · 18/01/2021 14:44

People who use their children for social media attention should be taken to task. There need to be some laws put in place.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 18/01/2021 14:47

I don't think telling any parent that their kids photos could be used for worse things than tiktok (and all the connotations that come alongside that) is a particularly good thing to do tbh.

She has made different, and legal, choices to you, but to publicly reprimand her when she has had something upsetting happen to her isn't great.

Just delete her and leave her to get on with it.

Icanseegreenshoots · 18/01/2021 15:02

It is not okay to use your child's photos or private footage in any capacity on social media or any public platform.

Later on he will hate her for it - trust me - teens are ruthless when it comes to privacy and controlling what is out there.

I have never done this, my teen dds would savage me if I did. Delete her and if she ever asks you make it clear you do not agree with her behaviour and feel it is highly damaging to the child.

Icanseegreenshoots · 18/01/2021 15:03

In a private conversation not public obv, or you will simply feed the drama and attention seeking.

LagunaBubbles · 18/01/2021 15:05

Why would anyone want to follow something like this anyway, don't get it.

Notimeforaname · 18/01/2021 15:06

I don't think telling any parent that their kids photos could be used for worse things than tiktok (and all the connotations that come alongside that) is a particularly good thing to do tbh

I disagree. I think some parents wont have thought about it. And the seed should at least be planted..
But really how thick or absent minded do you need to be to post public pictures of your child on the internet and assume only well meaning people will see it.

Worldwide2 · 18/01/2021 15:10

Stop following her and forget about it

Original poster

Saywhattttttttttttt · 18/01/2021 15:10

We are not really friends anyway so it won't be a big deal for me to unfollow her. I probably should have kept my mouth shut but was just baffled by her utter outrage that her pictures had been screenshotted when she has a public page with thousands of followers, thats just one tiktok she has stumbled across his pictures could be being used in tons of other places.

It seems all she's bothered about is money anyway, apparently with the copyright she has put on the pics with the watermark she is using she gets £8000 when his pictures are used

OP posts:

myhobby · 18/01/2021 15:12

"Later on he will hate her for it - trust me - teens are ruthless when it comes to privacy and controlling what is out there.

I have never done this, my teen dds would savage me if I did"

Not my experience at all, and if any of my children took it upon themselves to "savage" me there would be serious repercussions.

HitchFlix · 18/01/2021 15:16

I agree with you but that's why I don't follow any such people. It's too irritating so I don't partake. I recommend you do the same as these self absorbed types don't/can't change so it's utterly pointless commenting as you only fuel the narcissism.

HitchFlix · 18/01/2021 15:20

how thick or absent minded do you need to be to post public pictures of your child on the internet and assume only well meaning people will see it

It seems an inordinate amount of parents are that thick! With the alternative being that they are aware but they're okay with it

ExtraFirmHold · 18/01/2021 15:31

Completely agree with you ! My sil has a cleaning account and is the biggest liar on there, she exposes her kids constantly and they now have their own social media accounts and YouTube channels even though they're well under the 13 years old for it to be permitted.
Honestly I don't get this culture, I've actually been cut off by someone I was starting a friendship with because I didn't watch her stories or comment on her posts, I'm in my twenties so not like I'm too old to not understand how social media works, but I really don't understand peoples obsession, it's so unhealthy.
My sil gets "depressed " if she doesn't get enough interaction on her accounts, and that's another thing, why is it such a trend to have a mental illness? Someone needs to sit these people down and explain what OCD actually is, instead of them all belittling a mental health issue for likes.
It makes me so angry !!
I know that social media is what you make of it, for example mine is very crochet based and positive , but the pressure these people put themselves under just to get a bit of validation from strangers on the internet is baffling.

Icanseegreenshoots · 18/01/2021 15:46

my I didn't mean literally silly! I meant they would be deeply unhappy about having any photos of them as babies and children plastered all over the internet, and would insist they were taken down.

The invasion of a person's privacy, their right to have a childhood that is not beamed all over the world without their permission - the laws should be changed to reflect the rights of children.

If you want to do that, it is up to you, and yes I am judging you because 1) no one cares about what your kid ate for breakfast or anything else for that matter and b) your kids won't thank you for the less than flattering ones at best, and at worst they will too will actively judge you in a negative way as they get older. Many people value their privacy, and you are ripping that choice away from them.

GravityFalls · 18/01/2021 15:50

It seems all she's bothered about is money anyway, apparently with the copyright she has put on the pics with the watermark she is using she gets £8000 when his pictures are used

Yeah, that's....not a thing! You can't "put copyright" on things and watermarking them doesn't make them any more or less copyrighted. And there's no such thing as a set sum of money you get if someone uses your photo, and no (realistic, for an amateur Instagrammer) way of enforcing that.

myhobby · 18/01/2021 15:53

@Icanseegreenshoots as I said, that isn't my experience. Nor it is yours, since you never put any photographs of yours on social media.

Everything you've said could happen, theoretically. It just as easily could not be the case at all.

My SD loves looking back through old photographs of herself on her Dad's Facebook page. Her friends are the same, always tagging each other in cute pictures. They don't hate their parents, they don't judge them and they don't "savage" them either.

I'm not an "instamummy" so I have nothing to worry about with the younger ones but none of the teenagers in my life care what is on their parents Facebook.

myhobby · 18/01/2021 15:55

Not sure why you're judging me either when you've no idea what I've put online 😂

ItsJustARide · 18/01/2021 15:58

Parading babies and children (who cannot give permission) around on public social media is plain wrong. The child is clearly being used to fill a hole in the mothers life, for attention, for money. Vile. Play silly games you win silly prizes.

HavelockVetinari · 18/01/2021 16:07

I don't think it's on to post loads of pics of your kids on social media - lots of parents don't seem to have grasped the fact that their DC will grow up to have their own social media presence, and that photos of them from many years ago might embarrass them during the touchy teenage years.

Icanseegreenshoots · 18/01/2021 16:11

I think it is a bit weird you don't have children and yet your view is so fixed that is a good thing. My dc are always thanking me for NOT posting photos and embarrassing them. We have a wide range of friends, and most have taken their photos down at the instruction of their teen dc.

It is not for you to decide whether it is a violation, it is clearly a violation as the child is not able and has not given permission.

Your sd I suspect simply loves looking at old memories and is not fussed, but many/most teens are not comfortable with it.

Original poster

Saywhattttttttttttt · 18/01/2021 16:13

You and I both know that, she really is delusional though

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myhobby · 18/01/2021 16:21

"I think it is a bit weird you don't have children and yet your view is so fixed that is a good thing."

Are you still talking to me?

And can you read?

Where have I said it's a good thing? I've simply stated that your "trust me they'll hate you" isn't accurate. Neither is "most" teens. Some teens. Not most. That's all I'm saying. It's you that is fixed on thinking you can put all teenagers into one category.

I have children, as per my previous post

Icanseegreenshoots · 18/01/2021 16:31

Look my out of my teen's friends absolutely none of them have baby photos up on facebook or any other site, all of the parents bar none have taken down. If your experience is different great, how old are your dc?

Children deserve to have their rights to privacy reserved. I feel more strongly about that now than I did when they were two. Privacy is precious these days.

Original poster

Saywhattttttttttttt · 18/01/2021 16:54

I have pictures of my children on Instagram, but my account is private and only has about 20 followers. I only post a few times a year, not a constant daily update of their lives for anyone to see

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