Not getting over partners gaslighting

[Sarahj12345678910]

Hi Twice in last 5 years my partner has had intimate relationships with women he has met in the local pub. Both women were married. It may not have been full sex but sexual play meetings. I got suspicious and he lied and denied and gaslighted me over it. I cannot trust him but cannot leave rerlationship as he has ill health chronic problems and so does adult daughter living with us ( also my son lives with us adult) . Unsure of what to do.

Why can’t you leave? If he’s treating you badly, you aren’t obliged to stay.

So he cheated on you? Or was this before?

You won't ever get over it if you stay with him and do nothing about it.

This will be your life.
If you wont leave..you must both get into therapy/counselling together and separately.

he may be ill, but that is no reason not to respect you (probably all the more reason too TBH) - and he is well enough to have "sexual play meetings"

Leave, or force him to.

Is he still going to the pub?

You can leave someone ill who is also an asshole!

Hi
Thanks for advice. Partner not going to pub, but only as it is shut at present. Does counselling work with someone who lies? Went once but partner lied and denied. Booked to see relate counsellor but partner claimed to be ill twice.

No it doesn't because liars just keep lying. Unless he separately went to counselling to say please help me work through my issues one of the symptoms of which is lying compulsively. He is a lost cause.

Is he still going to the pub?

This! If he's well enough to go to the pub (when they are open) and do sexual stuff with multiple women (you've found out about 2) then he's well enough for you to leave him.

So he's not too ill to go to the pub (when it's open) but is too ill for you to leave? He would have needed to do the work to earn your trust back for this to work and he clearly hasn't/won't so I'd be thinking about resolving any practical issues preventing you from leaving and getting the hell out of there if I was you. Sorry OP

So you should have dumped him a while ago