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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Employing a carer for disabled child

33 replies

LegoAndLolDolls · 18/01/2021 08:23

I'm in two minds about this but my gut is saying yanbu

I'm looking for a carer for my disabled child. Found someone looking for a carer role and had a chat. It's been a week now and it was left for them to phone me with a day they come for a interview as they couldn't come last week. No reply, nothing, not even say they are no longer interested. I'm presuming they dont want the job now.

To me they already seem unreliable and not proactive enough now anyway. In theory they have this week still to contact me with a suitable day for a interview but in reality it's been over a week and I would now be fitting them in at very short notice.

My gut says if this was a job I was advertising for as a professional then people who want a weeks delay for a interview and then need chasing wouldnt make the cut.

It's so frustrating as I have had three people interested. One I told I was waiting to offer a interview too, did they want a chat anyway or wait to see if the interview went ok. They read and then ignored that text. Another that seemed interested too but again didnt get back to me. It's not minimum wage and is set conditions by my council.

I just ever see myself leaving my child in people likes care. A care agency would cost the council twice as much and be a different carer every time but it's much more appealing right now as those people actually are proactive and I wouldnt be managing them either

OP posts:
Original poster
LegoAndLolDolls · 18/01/2021 08:25

Whoops name change and title fail there. You get my drift 😉

OP posts:
fourandnomore · 18/01/2021 08:26

It sounds already stressful doing it this way. Could you go with council until you find someone reliable?

Original poster
LegoAndLolDolls · 18/01/2021 08:40

The council are funding me to find and interview people. I want them to go via a agency now really as the carer is supposed to be respite, but in reality it's more stress searching then dealing with time wasters.

I have been doing this for a year now. I think I will tell the council I cant do this going forward.

OP posts:
Knottedstomach11 · 18/01/2021 08:44

I would text the person and ask what day is suitable. My sister is a private care worker and her life is hectic. She will often say ‘oh I need to get back to that company’ it’s not that she is unreliable she is just very involved in whatever job she is doing so isn’t on her phone much.
Reach out to them. They could be the perfect carer. Best of luck

Original poster
LegoAndLolDolls · 18/01/2021 08:57

I have chased via text over the weekend after giving her a week to get back to me.

This person isnt currently working so she isnt bogged under with work. Apart from illness I cant think of any reason to not reply for over a week

OP posts:
raffle · 18/01/2021 09:02

Are you to employ them and pay them via your child’s personal budget? If so I think it’s a tough gig, you need to manage them, pay their NI contributions etc. It would be much less stressful for SS to approach a provider on your behalf. That way you will have a manager you can contact if there are problems with the staff.

SmellyPooHead · 18/01/2021 09:03

I agree with you, to my mind if they can't be bothered replying what else can't they be bothered with
It's a really important role in your child's life, you have to get the right person

raffle · 18/01/2021 09:04

A registered company could provide a regular rota of staff. An agency would be more likely to send a mixture of staff off their books. And an agency would work out much more expensive than using a company.

Twinmammma · 18/01/2021 09:12

We had night carers for my eldest daughter, paid for and employed by the council. They were awful. We also had a nanny that I found for when I went back to work. She was absolutely amazing. You really need the right person, who is committed to looking after your child well. Personally I would keep looking if these people can’t be bothered to reply.

movingonup20 · 18/01/2021 09:35

If a potential employer said they would contact me, no I wouldn't chase it as it sounds like I'm desperate. If they seem to have the skills you need to contact them as you said you would

Original poster
LegoAndLolDolls · 18/01/2021 09:45

@raffle Yes that's exactly it. One of the tasks is to wait in for my sons taxi while I take his sister to a club. What if they dont turn up and dont call me to say they arent coming? I cant see this person working out now. It's my precious vulnerable kid. I guess they would need a probation period and if flakey I have to sack them too

OP posts:
Original poster
LegoAndLolDolls · 18/01/2021 09:47

@movingonup20 I asked her twice to give me a suitable day for interview as she wouldnt comit on the phone. I then chased her up. I'm not begging her. It's a paid job she either wants or not.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 18/01/2021 09:50

Perhaps advertise in nanny sites explaining what you are looking for

Original poster
LegoAndLolDolls · 18/01/2021 09:52

My old SW did mention a nanny agency so I might try to push for that again. I had a nanny I know from.school show interest but she wanted to bring her kids. That would be 9 people in total in my tiny three bed house.

OP posts:
Ticklemynickel · 18/01/2021 09:52

Yeah I think she's probably not interested or found something else - maybe she can't think of the right way to say that.

I would say that it's probably easier if you tell candidates when you're going to interview so "I'm interviewing on Tuesday morning, would 10am work for you?" rather than expecting people to get back to you with a date/time and trying to set it up from there.

Saz12 · 18/01/2021 09:58

It’s very difficult to get good carers who are a good fit for your DS, and who want to be employed directly- they usually prefer to be managed via an agency who will likely do the HR / payroll/ management part better. Also if things aren’t great with one family that’s not the end of their job. That’s not meant to be insulting to you, OP, you may well be a fantastic boss, but the prospective carers don’t know that.

Boulshired · 18/01/2021 10:01

Unless you can find one person who you know is trust worthy and reliable it can become a bit of a conveyor belt. I ended up having to write a cheque back to the council as I couldn’t spend his personal payments. People left for better hours, because he was too much of a handful for them and as the council had provided the resources their job was done. He now has council provided respite, unfortunately this is working but I did have 2 years of stress free respite.

Hobbesmanc · 18/01/2021 10:05

How many hours a day is it? Its a real challenge to find private carers or even a decent agency if its only an hour or so. Especially at school start times when demand is at its peak for school escorts and breakfast/getting up visits.

SaltyTootsieToes · 18/01/2021 10:36

OP, with respect, I think you need some help with this recruiting

The candidate who wouldn’t commit to a date over the phone and never called you back was not interested. By not committing to a time to further the job selection process was a passive way to tell you they weren’t interested

You don’t stop interviewing because you’ve offered an interview to someone rise. You should be simultaneously interviewing people.

But I’m saying this from a viewpoint where I have interviewed both home staff and in my work. So I understand this could be out if your depth.

If you have the funding from the council, do you know how that works? Do they pay the carer directly or do you get the money abd isy the carer? I’ve never been involved with this do I don’t know. But you need to know this so you know what salary you can advertise the job for and know about how pay would work , holidays, sick time etc - their contract

Once you know this, I’d suggest you ring a few nanny agencies and talk to them about the role and get their feedback if this is done thing a nanny could do and how it would work.

Also rung some care agencies and ask same questions so you can compare your options.

Then use either (or both) to send you candidates to interview. Don’t turn someone down because you’re interviewing another candidate. You need to compare people and not just take whomever applies.

Use same questions and make notes. Then you can choose between candidates and options.

Best of luck

x2boys · 18/01/2021 10:47

Im assuming you are getting direct payments ? Unfortunately I have heard this all to often 😢 I think part of the problem in my LEA at least is lack of staff ,I have never tried for direct payments for my disabled child ,but from my understanding most only get awarded a limited amount of hours ,and it seems very ad hoc .

WellThisIsShit · 18/01/2021 11:12

Have you tried Snap recruitment agency?

It used to be amazing, and even now when it’s become a bit hit and Miss for difficult recruitment specs, it can still be life saving for more of their core brief types....

I’d recommend even though they can’t hit my needs anymore, they are good if you are more of their heartland, which is special needs nannies for younger children in many places especially in key cities and some rural places...

Original poster
LegoAndLolDolls · 18/01/2021 12:31

Its eight hours a week so a few hours one evening after school twice a week or one evening and half a day at weekend. It was originally £12 a hour but the council reduced that due to covid.

I guess I was trying to hard to accommodate when I said i would work around her.

The annoying thing is that his school do overnight respite but the council say they dont like overnight care. It works out cheaper. Everyone is already vetted, DBS etc. Go figure

OP posts:
Boulshired · 18/01/2021 12:38

You need to go back to social services, this is a nightmare for eight hours a week. I couldn’t make it work with a large personal budget. You are relying on luck to find a person who fits in and willing to do this long term.

Original poster
LegoAndLolDolls · 18/01/2021 12:43

Yes I am waiting for his home link worker to turn up, she wants to help me get the funding diverted to respite at school.

It's been two years and this isnt respite it's a massive ball ache. I have 5k of tax payers tax in a account no one can earn and i cant spend. I'm tired and stressed with home learning and i just want any kind of respite at all. But not via someone who is flakey that i cant interest anyway. It's basically a baby sitter service as ds doesnt need any personal care either.

I might see if i can find a babysitter next. But then i have to pay their NI etc. What a massive balance for nothing

OP posts:
TheCanyon · 18/01/2021 12:51

Just a thought but have you approached your dcs school to see if any of their support staff are available. Theres a nursery/classroom assistant at our school who works part time and he supports/cares for sen dc the other days/school holidays.

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