What would you do?

[wwydatwork]

If you were having a really hard time after an unpleasant incident and not coping would you tell your boss in confidence or would you say nothing and struggle on ?

I would tell my boss, it's far better to explain these things than struggle on with no support.

Depends on your boss. My current head of department, absolutely but he’s the exception. I would be careful.

Yes, tell your boss, they do need to know and hopefully will offer support. I hope things improve for you soon

Thank you, I don't know what is best as they are having a stressful time too with all that is going on.

It depends on the incident. Is this something you can handle yourself or a matter of you not being able to?

@Aquamarine1029

It depends on the incident. Is this something you can handle yourself or a matter of you not being able to?

It's not a work incident so it's not his problem to deal with, its mine and I don't feel that I can so I'm very stressed.

Can you share what your problem is? Maybe we can help.

If you are able to speak to your boss then it may help them to know you are struggling a bit. Easier said than done though, I would struggle to share a personal problem with my boss I think...

@Aquamarine1029

Can you share what your problem is? Maybe we can help.

Somebody close to me died and it's the anniversary later this week.

I think it depends on whether he is realistically likely to do anything to make you feel better.

I know this is a horrible thought but IME sometimes being honest can result in managers taking the view that you lack resilience, which is truly shit but nonetheless sometimes true.

I say this because I once told a boss the same thing and was passed over for a promotion a good few months later. When I queried why a much more junior person had been chosen over me, she told me that she’d been concerned that it ‘might be a bit much for me right now’ and I had no recourse as she’d logged our previous chat with HR at the time to cover her back.

I wished for months that I’d just struggled through or taken a week's sick leave as I ended up being managed by somebody I’d trained.

That's true enough,I'll keep quiet.

I’d ask for time off, like holiday days. I had this dilemma after my second miscarriage, I said I was ill and took a couple days off work and then it was the weekend which sort of got me over the hump. If I’d had another though I would’ve told my boss and asked for a couple weeks off unpaid, BUT I had a really good relationship with my boss, he struck me as the sort who would be very afraid of “women’s issues” and thus wouldn’t ask questions or EVER mention it again and I was high performing, long tenure and very secure in my role. If I thought speaking up would damage my work rep I would not have said anything and taken holiday.

I've previously said things like "I'm having a hard time outside of work" or "I'm having to deal with some upsetting family issues" and that I try not to bring it to work and don't want to talk about it. That way they can give you a bit of a break or be more understanding if you're under-performing, a good/large employer might also highlight any counselling etc the company may offer, without your manager needing to take it on personally and without you needing to disclose details. But I guess it depends on the company and the personalities what will work for your situation. If it's a difficult week and you anticipate feeling better next week you could let them know that, and maybe ask for leave if needed.

That’s only my story though, so please don’t feel you have to continue suffering if it’s truly breaking you apart.

But right now a lot of people are struggling, so it’s less likely that colleagues will think so much of it if you’re not quite your usual self. My sister called me in tears today as she’s really struggling with her job alongside home schooling her three kids - she’s only managing to start her days work at 8pm and her husband can’t help as he’s working away most of the time as his business (which brings in literally 3x her salary) is facing serious problems with so many staff isolating that they’ve had to close a site and currently can’t fulfil a big new hospital which they really need and which will be given to another supplier if they can’t sort it soon.

‘Hospital contract’ that should’ve read.

can result in managers taking the view that you lack resilience, which is truly shit but nonetheless sometimes true.

By this I meant that it’s unfortunately true that it can happen, not that it’s true you lack resilience!

From what you’ve said , I wouldn’t, certainly not my boss anyway, I can hear their eyes rolling just thinking about their reaction.
Could you take a couple of days annual leave?

@Purplethrow

From what you’ve said , I wouldn’t, certainly not my boss anyway, I can hear their eyes rolling just thinking about their reaction. Could you take a couple of days annual leave?

No, annual leave is blocked so it's phone in sick or nothing, then they would want a covid test doing.

Depends on the manager. I've worked for a manager who would be telling everyone in the organisation her newly discovered "gossip". I've also worked for managers who i would trust implicitly

On balance I'd probably not say anything

If it wasn’t effecting my work then I would; it’s part of their role

It depends on the issue. My company can be complete bastards so I wouldn't trust them with everything.