I regret my abortion.

[Melody1Mel]

I'm 27. Boyfriend is 25. I was pregnant in September. Boyfriend didn't want to keep the baby, I was hesitant but decided to go ahead with abortion.

With covid, the pill was sent in the post after a phone interview. I had to put the pills up myself. Boyfriend was working away at the time so couldn't be there for support.

I felt okay afterwards but after christmas it has all hit me.
I lost my job in October due to.covid. i am applying for as much as I can but no job yet. Boyfriend's job involves working away so his.work is slow with covid (he's home now) but he is on good money so has a lot of savings. We both still live at home with our parents.

All I keep thinking about is how much positivity this pregnancy would have brougnt to my life and how excited I would be. Instead i'm on my own in my room crying about my life. What a mess it is. 27 and no job. No idea where to go next. I feel lost.

I brought it up to boyfriend last week about my regrets to which he replied that he doesn't regret it at all (which I totally respect).

I've never felt so depressed. I've had thoughts about ending it all but I would never actually do it, just thoughts.
I keep getting rejection after rejection from jobs and I want the baby back :(

I feel like this is it, that my life won't get any better. I feel stuck :,(

I'm posting here as I feel i've blagged my boyfriend enough, I'm just being happy around him now, trying to be positive. But i'm really really sad, cried myself to sleep most nights. I needed to vent.

Hi im sorry your going through this, im another one that thinks it might be helpful to you if you sought support for your low mood maybe call your GP? there really should be some aftercare available to you it's a big thing what you went through.
I think that your hormones are having an effect on the way you feel there are big changes - drops and increases that can mess with the imbalance for a little this could be why your feeling the way you do as well as the other things you have happening at the moment.
You did what you thought was best at the time so you made the right decision please dont beat yourself up for this its ok to be upset things will get better i promise

Hi, sorry to read that you’re feeling this way. I had a termination 2 weeks ago. It was a shock when we found out I was pregnant, I already have a 5 month old! I felt stupid and careless and really guilty. I wrote a list of reasons why a termination is the right choice for me and my family at this time and sometimes when I feel upset I reread this list I wrote to remind myself it was the right choice at this time. Also read up on disenfranchised grief, it’s completely normal to grieve a termination even if society tells us otherwise! I also found it comforting to know the fetus would be cremated and disposed of sensitively. Please be kind to yourself❤️

@Melody1Mel

I ended up "unfollowing" people my age on facebook who were posting pictures of their babies and children as I was getting upset thinking about what could have been for me. I suppose I am imagining keeping the baby would have been my 'saviour' (per say) from this depressing, lonely and sad blip in my life.

I keep dreaming about pregnancy - whether it's me being pregnant or dreaming people I know are pregnant.

Counselling sounds like a really good idea to help you come to terms with your loss. I think you made the choice to end the pregnancy because it wasn't right for you or for the baby. You have made a huge sacrifice so that you didn't have to bring a baby into unsuitable circumstances, and that's what good mothers do. Be kind to yourself lovely

@OhCaptain

Do you think you’re sort of seeing the abortion as the starting point for all the shit you’ve gone through since then?

The job, missing your boyfriend, the pandemic...in your head you’ve maybe conflated it all.

I know you say the baby would have brought positivity but you still would have lost your job and you’d still be job hunting, only while pregnant. You’d still be in a room in your parents’ house, only trying to squeeze a baby in. You’d still have no money, only with another, expensive mouth to feed. And we’d still be in the middle of a pandemic.

I really urge you to get some counselling around this.

I’m really sorry you feel this way and it does get better I promise.

This is what I was wondering too

@Whybot

Oh I’m so sorry your pregnancy loss. Would it help to have counselling online like they offer at this place.... www.crosswaypregnancy.org.uk. It’s for miscarriage or abortion pregnancy loss . Short term Counselling is one of the best uses of time I’ve ever done , and put off too long . Love Me

crossway is an anti choice organisation

Oh @Melody1Mel I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time of it right now, and I second PPs, it will pass with time. Don’t forget as well you’re full of hormones right now - and that’s not dismissing your feelings at all, anything you’re feeling is valid but it’s like to volume is turned up to 11. Never mind the fact you did this alone.

You’re so young (even though when people said that to me when I was your age it made me want to punch them). Things feel fucking awful and shit but it’s not the end of the road at all. You will find another job and life has a way for just evening out.

I think speaking to someone about your termination would be a great thing to do, simply so you can hash it out in your own head. There’s no harm in giving it a go.

Sending you lots of unmumsnetty hugs x

Oh op. It will get better but you may need to seek some counselling.
I think that when people have terminations then they're still grieving but it's hard to get support as many people won't acknowledge it as a loss in the traditional sense as it was a choice. That makes it a huge internal conflict for some.

I think you may be in a bad place with your job etc and this is now playing on your mind as the option that could have been so great, a little baby, but the reality of this would have been much different.

Keep talking to your partner, plan some activities for after Covid, perhaps look at some upskilling with regards to job and get yourself mentally well so that when you decide to have a family you're strong and happy.

You'll be ok op.

. Of course you regret it. I think it’s safe to say this wasn’t your decision and that you were coerced into it, by ironically by very being who dipped his wick and got you pregnant. If he didn’t want a baby perhaps he should have had a wank instead. .
To top it all off he isn’t even sympathetic towards you. Hes an arse hole.

Wow you've all made me feel much better and put things into perspective for me.
The more i've read on this thread, the more i've realised that i probably am seeing being pregnant and having a baby as probably a 'fantasy', thinking "i'd have no problems right now if I kept the baby, my focus would just be on the baby and i'd be happy" when in reality, as many of you have said, that's all just a lie my mind's created when in reality i'd have the added stress of finding a job and providing for a baby.

The thing is , I did want this baby. I remember ringing my boyfriend and I had to tell him over the phone as he still had another 5 weeks of working away. And I remember thinking "please want to keep the baby, please want to keep the baby". And his first words were "no, I'm not ready for a baby and I won't change my mind". He cried a bit but after that day it was like he just was set on the abortion, which upset me as I was in two mindsets and I couldn't understand how not even one part of him wanted the baby. And when he came home, he never brought it up to me until I did. And we had one conversation about it of him not regretting it whereas I did. We havent spoke about it since until recently as it's been on my mind.
I put his lack of conversation about it down to him working away and therefore it probably felt like it never happened to him as he wasn't there to see the test etc.

I in no way blame him for feeling this way as it was a shock for both of us but I remember my heart sank.

But I knee straight away as soon as he didn't want it that I couldn't keep the baby.
I was on furlough in September and I had a feeling I'd have no job to go back to (which turned out I didn't, as i lost it in October).
Therefore, my thoughts were
"How could I afford to move out of my parents?"
Well I did have a bit of savings but not enough to last me.
And of course boyfriend is on a good wage (really good) but I couldn't take the risk of expecting him to support me.and the baby when he said he wasn't ready. Although I don't think boyfriend would, my mind was worried that he would choose for me to be a single mum as he didn't want it.
But even then, with covid, boyfriend was having a few.months off work, so not ideal.

Sorry for this long paragraph of waffle, it feels good getting everything out.

I think everything is so hard because for a lot of people we have nothing else to think about or take our minds of things, you would potentially be very busy and although upset and sad be much more supported.
I have been in the same situation, I regret falling pregnant but not my decision to end it as bad as that sounds

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

. Of course you regret it. I think it’s safe to say this wasn’t your decision and that you were coerced into it, by ironically by very being who dipped his wick and got you pregnant. If he didn’t want a baby perhaps he should have had a wank instead. . To top it all off he isn’t even sympathetic towards you. Hes an arse hole.

Yes there's a bit of this o agree with as well. I had a very similar experience, I think men just assume it's nothing and an easy option, which it is for them. He needs to be supportive and realise it's a big deal. Or you can get rid like I did and have a family with someone who is an adult about it.