To be worried about them going abroad?

[shopaholicsloth]

Before I start I just want to make it clear I would never ever stop my DH going away with DC, it's not the issue and I realise how hard it must be for him.

My DH's parents are ex pats who live in Italy.
He hasn't seen them since covid began and in that time his mother has been diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer.

He's booked flights to go stay with them in May with his sister, her son and our daughter (aged 7 and 4)

I've recently found out I'm pregnant, and I just don't want to risk going abroad and on a plane (as far as I'm aware pregnant women are not allowed the vaccine)

I'm worried sick about them going. I'm worried about them picking something up on the plane and passing it on to MIL (she started chemo last week), I'm worried about them even brining something back to me now selfishly, with me being pregnant.

I'm not saying should I stop them going as I never would, but AIBU to have these worries?

Think its the MIL choice and it's no more risky than being in school?

YANBU

The thing that stands out to me though is that you say he's booked them. Did he not discuss it with you first?? Is it in term or holiday time?

I think it's madness booking for may and UTTER madness going to see his mum with cancer & getting chemo

Then yes, there's the risk to them & you.

None of you are likely to be vaccinated by then unless you're vulnerable and if any of you are vulnerable he definitely shouldn't be going.

The vaccines are something each pregnant woman needs to discuss with her HCO & weigh up the risks. There isn't a blanket ban, just some caution & it's very individual.

His mum has stage 3 cancer and won't have seen her child in over a year. I think it is understandable that she is desperate to see him, and has accepted any risk the arrangement presents her with. By May she may have been vaccinated.

The risks to your dh and dc are small and I am sure they will be taking every possible precaution to protect mil and you on their return.

I do understand you feeling worried about the risk the trip presents to you, but try to put it into context. By then, your dc will be in school and coming into contact with many children and staff, more if they use a school bus or public transport to get to school, and your dh presumably goes to work.

Tests. Can they test before they go and test before they come back.

I’d be worried too but can see why he wants to go. If you don’t homeschool then there s a daily risk anyway of them bringing it home from a packed classroom with no masks.

It's natural to be apprehensive but May is a long way off and I'm guessing it's only 50/50 that they will be allowed to travel so not worth wasting too much energy worrying about it now

I'd be concerned about the logistics of getting back with hotel quarantine possibly about to be introduced and increasingly limited flights.

For example, Kiwis have to book a quarantine space, and present proof before boarding their flight to NZ. If we introduce hotel quarantine, you may find a shortage of spaces to return and they may be in Italy longer than you anticipated and agreed.

The actual plane journey is very low risk and as safe as something can be nowadays. I've been on almost 20 flights since the pandemic began and honestly, airports have never been so quiet and clean. Everyone wears masks on the plane and the air filters are top of the range, it really is extremely safe. There have been very few cases of Covid outbreaks on a flight.

I'd be more worried about the logistics. Airlines are still cancelling a lot of flights, many of them last-minute if the demand is low for that route. I guess it depends on whether the flight is London-Milan so you have 6+3 airports to choose from and 3-4 flights a day from each, or a once-weekly route East Midlands-Torino, which is more likely to get cancelled. Does he have a plan B or C for when they cancel the flights? What are the airline's Covid policies?

What are his plans when it comes to tests and quarantines on either end? When I plan a trip now, I take into account the current rules (so in your case a negative test before both flights, and isolation on return to UK), but I also consider any other past or potentially future change in rules (such as hotel quarantine or quarantine in Italy...), because you never know what new measure is announced two days before they travel.

I personally think the situation will be much better by May, but flight schedules will still be somewhat irregular and changes can occur with very short notice. They need to be prepared for a very last minute change of plans.

I think you have to wait and see
If the situation in the UK continues to be considerably worse than in Italy then he might not get a choice.

You're not being unreasonable to be worried, but you have to find a way of letting go. His mother is so ill and he needs to see her. It will be a nice break for the kids.

Remind yourself that the UK is home to this terrible new strain that is causing more deaths than anywhere else in Europe. They will probably be safer in Italy than going down to the local supermarket in the UK.

I've been travelling internationally through the virus and I've felt safer at airports and stations than I have down the supermarket. Much stricter application of rules and distancing.

He would need to keep an eye on Italian rules, which are enforced much more strongly than the UK.
At the moment for example there is no travel between regions in some cases, and between towns in others. In some you can travel between towns but only to visit relatives for a valid reason etc etc.

What are his plans when it comes to tests and quarantines on either end?

This is the essential question? My db works in a different country to his partner and has also managed to (socially distanced) see his elderly parents who live in a third country. A carefully thought-out and religiously observed system of quarantine is the answer.

And of course he needs to be aware that, come May, he may simply not be allowed to travel, or there may be a system of quarantine imposed on him either by Italy or by the UK.

At the moment he could:
Enter Italy on proving he has a need to do so (if he's not Italian) and has a negative test. He has to report to the local health authority of wherever he's staying and isolate for 14 days. Then do another test.

It's January. That will all change. Hopefully for the better. But I've already had flights between London and Italy cancelled for September!

I can understand why you’d worry with the current situation but in terms of covid may is a long time away and a lot could change by then.

Given the situation I can understand why he feels he needs to go, the pressure and distance must be awful for him.

I would keep quiet and see how it pans out. Things will be much much better by then op, and you can take an informed decision after Easter.