Really in need of advice from ppl in a similar experience
Have a ten year old DD. It’s just me at home with her.
For as long as I can remember she never wants to see her dad, for no other reason than she misses me and that they are a bit stricter than me. It causes stress sometimes I’m drained as I’m trying to manage him who obviously wants to see his dd as much as possible and then her who struggles being away from me. Iv always thought it’s just cos she is used to a different way here ie if she is upset she can get in my bed, I’m more cuddly etc there’s more rules there but nothing too bad. She has come home and said the odd thing iv raised my eye brows about but and if I’m honest she struggles to say no to them
Or assert herself.
She came out upset today her younger sister called her fattie is explained it’s not great but siblings do this and she should either tell her dad, tell her sister not to or laugh it off depending how she feels about it. We got talking and she told me that her dad sometimes can use physical force with the children not actual hitting but a smack on the bum. Agin we don’t have this at home I’m dead against it but I explained it’s not out the norm but she is too old for that he has never and would never with her. She agreed but then told me that when she was 4 she had an accident in the night and got scared so tried to clea. It herself (poo) and then it got everywhere and she was crying so they came in. She said his wife was so angry and told her off she was repeating it as though it was yesterday. I feel like crying for her and it’s made me feel so sad. There way is a lot different to mine and I’m trying to be mindful and open but my daughter has got chronic constipiatiin from with holding iv had to have words with him about ensuring he is not shaming her etc as that’s not the way to manage it. She actually only really overcome it last lock down when she didn’t see him. I’m now wondering is this why? I remember at the time she was upset she had an accident and that his wife was upset. She was very pregnant at the time and I could tell that she was more short tempered, but I feel like this is something g traumatic for my daughter.
I want to encourage her to see her dad and family hut she is constantly saying she doesn’t want to go and says things like she doesn’t feel comfortable going down in the morning. She said she feel scared even though her dad hasn’t shouted at her or anything. She is a sensitive child and I do feel like he does try a lot with her but I’m just worried what will come out years down the line now.
I want her to be happy in life. He has got annoyed at times when I have collected her rather than her staying overnight because she was upset, he wants her there and had used things it’s upsetting for her sibling when she doesn’t. But I also need to do the right thing for her and right now I don’t know what that is!
Any ideas experienced?
I was also thinking maybe I should send her for some kind of therapy or something. I don’t want her memories as a child to be unhappy. Prior to lockdown she used to wake up in tears before she went and one day she told me ‘I dread every weekend being away from you’ whilst sobbing.