My sister is having a disagreement with her DH and I suggested she put it to the mumsnet jury. She's too bogged down with it all so asked if I'd do it for her (I've NC'd because I'll be sharing this with her).
She has an 11 week old baby who is bottle fed. She was fairly unsettled at the beginning - colicky, not easy to get to sleep, crying etc. They think she may have a CMPA and silent reflux and the baby is now being treated for these things (prescription milk, meds for the reflux etc). They are also seeing a cranial osteopath to see if that might help with the various issues.
Now that she is used to the new milk, she seems to be settling down into everything - napping better, happier when awake, feeding well. She still wakes throughout the night for feeds and to be resettled but is slowly beginning to go for longer stretches.
The problem is that my sister's DH wants to take the baby to a private tongue tie clinic to have her assessed as he thinks she's got a tongue tie that, if divided, will help her to feed better, sleep better and be more settled generally. He has seen something on the NCT website with a list of symptoms and he thinks the baby has these symptoms. He thinks there's no harm in trying it as it might help and the clinic won't do the procedure if they don't think it's necessary.
My sister, on the other hand, is pretty sure the baby doesn't have a tongue tie and this has been confirmed by 4 different HCPs, including a paediatric registrar (who has been seeing the baby about something unrelated). She thinks that as the baby doesn't have a tongue tie, it's unreasonable to put the baby through an unnecessary procedure that would be painful and have risks of complications, when the baby is bottle-fed, gaining weight, eating to expectation and is arguably as unsettled as a newborn baby is. She's also worried that, as it's a private clinic that makes money from performing tt divisions, it won't necessarily give an unbiased assessment.
He thinks she is being unreasonable because she won't try something that he thinks might help (and is saying that, seeing as she won't try it, he's reluctant to help her out with the nights). She thinks he is being unreasonable because the baby hasn't got a tongue tie and she doesn't think it's right to subject her to an unnecessary medical procedure for no reason, when she's just being a newborn baby and he needs to deal with the difficulties, stresses and lack of sleep that comes with it.
Who is being unreasonable?
YABU - get the tongue tie investigated, you never know.
YANBU - don't get the tongue tie investigated, the baby doesn't have one.