Handovers after contact

[Flossynoodle123]

These are dictated by court order. Ex DH left when son was a baby. He’s now 11.
He chose to move 40 miles away then 60 miles away. He used to pick up and drop off. Recently the court granted his wish to pick DS up from school on Fridays. On Sundays handover takes place in a car park 40 milled away from me so I drive 80 miles and he drives 40. I am unable to drive safely in the dark so have been collecting by train (even since March). I just don’t feel safe doing this any more.
My suggestion is that location points are reversed so I drive the 80 miles to the car park on a Friday afternoon in the light and drop off an hour earlier than the court ordered time. He then drops off to me on Sunday. Same amount of mileage for each parent just reversing the days and he gets an extra hour. He will reverse the days but says I have to drive all the way to him on Fridays- adding an extra 40 miles to my round trip.
He won’t budge and insists trains are safe. I’m in a priority group for vaccination and DS is anxious both about travelling by train or with me driving in the dark.
This is causing me severe anxiety when I’m battling with homeschooling and an anxious child. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Thank you.

Did the court decided where handovers would take place?

Yes. I strongly objected to him being handed over in a car park. I think it’s unhealthy and gives the child the wrong message. ExDH blanks me.

I thought it was unusual for the parent who didn’t move away to do most of the travelling? Surely as he moved he should do a majority of the travelling.
But saying that I’m guessing he does the big trip by collecting your son from school on the Friday.

Sadly the court have obviously decided this is fair. Unless you have good reason to take it back so court then you are stuck. I think it’s 13 they listen to the child I could be wrong.

Have you seen a doctor about feeling anxious for both you and your child? If so has this been told to the court?

The court was aware that I couldn’t drive in the dark yet refused to factor it in.
Indeed it is unusual for a parent who didn’t move to be ordered to do an 80 mile round trip. I feel that ex DH insisting I now do 40 more and him 40 less to be wholly unreasonable in any circumstances, especially when Covid was not anticipated when the order was made.

I cant drive in the dark because of an eye condition. Is this a similar situation for you? If so, a medical report might help.
I am shielding atm and I completely understand your worry about the train. It seems a very unfair situation.

I was told to get an optometrist report which I did. I don’t have a condition as such but it referred to my loss of night vision. Believe me I don’t like collecting by train and I don’t think it’s a good message to send to DS but I felt it safer than driving in the winter months. The situation with Covid is now such that I don’t think it at all appropriate or reasonable.

I think the DVLA would be very interested in your loss of night vision, which is a condition as far as I know. My mum had it and wasn't allowed to drive at night; it was included in her insurance policy.
I don't know what you can do about the train though. I am sorry. It must be very stressful for you and your son.