I want an Elective C-section- AIBU?

[MellaY]

Hi all, I'm wanting to know if you all think I'm a bit cracked and if anyone has advice on how to pursue this.

I will be a relatively young (21) first-time mum and also only 9 weeks pregnant. I have always had an unhappy relationship with parenthood and childbirth, which I have come to realise is much more about childbirth than the parenthood part and childbirth being a barrier to parenthood for me.

I have no desire to have a VB and the thought of it both terrifies and repulses me. This is for a variety of reasons:

When I was about 14 my cousin had a horrible experience of VB the first time where both she and her little boy nearly died, she also experienced a lot of tearing and has experienced discomfort ever since due to how she stitched up (there was some debate at the time whether she was stitched too tight and given the 'husband stitch'). The thought of this happening to me truly scares me.

When my mum had her first pregnancy and VB she needed emergency surgery during childbirth due to having a previously unknown vaginal septum.

I have a complicated medical history. I was very ill at the ages of 16/17 with a rare immune disorder known as adult-onset stills disease. This affected me profoundly partially due to the disease and partially due to the side effects of the medication I was on. I was in therapy throughout my illness and for a year after due its effects on me, I felt completely out of control of my body and what it was doing and how it looked (long term steroids). It was a very traumatic time for me. Despite me being well and unmedicated at this time I am being placed under consultant lead care and considered a high-risk pregnancy as there is little knowledge regarding how my illness may affect me and my pregnancy or whether pregnancy may cause it to flare up again. These complications may well lead to me needing a c-section anyway.

I struggle with an overactive bladder and have done for many years which I also fear will be worsened by childbirth to the point of negatively impacting my quality of life.

I cannot handle one more out of control thing happening to my body, I know I can't. I am fearful of what may happen during childbirth to both me and my child. I have had surgery in the past and have witnessed many surgeries (albeit on animals, not people) thanks to a job I had when I was younger. Surgery is a known factor to me, I know a c-section is not any easier than a VB but it is something I have already experienced and know I can cope with.
I am afraid of tearing which may sound vain or selfish to some but I know I wouldn't be able to cope with damage or scarring in that area of my body. It would destroy my self-esteem where I feel a scar from a c-section would not, it's a scar I have 'chosen' and not that I want it on my body that is simply more okay to me than tearing.

AIBU for wanting to pursue a C-section as the method by which I want to give birth considering all the reasons above? I feel like some will attribute it to my age without looking too much further past that. Also if anyone has any advice on how to broach this with practitioners or how they have dealt with similar issues your advice is welcome.

Yes, it would be a perfect opportunity. You do have the right to request it, lin practice a consultant can push back, it depends entirely on the consultant. Be firm, insist on getting it approved, let him express his view, but make sure you are 100% clear it is your choice, you fully understand all the risks associated and you made your informed decision to have csection and you would appreciate if he can approve it there and then and arrange it to be scheduled. If the consultant sensed any doubt in your words he won't approve it. By default the majority of them prefer VB, so you have to be firm with your intentions

Only do what you think you are capable or can tolerate, the goal whether c section or vagina is to deliver a healthy baby.
I was cut with my first and tore with my second, I honestly don't feel scar tissue, dunno if I can see scar I've never looked.

But don't let anyone put thoughts into your head, make the decision yourself. Way up the Pros and cons of each.. I had epidural put into my head by a flaming midwife everytime i went for a checkup, so when it came to labour I asked for one.. Biggest regret of my life that hurt my baby, I was cut and the forceps used to pull my baby out burst blood vessels in her eye so by second I opted for a natural birth.

Do this for you not what someone else says and puts thoughts in your head.

You have the right to choose and your opinions respected.
It is your body and your choice. Discuss the options with your midwife.
In particular, discuss catheter care during and post natal wards following c-section if you have an over active bladder.
All the best!

You don't have to justify it. Push for what you want! I was begging for a c section and really regret not planning it and giving control to a bunch of midwives who couldn't give a shit.

You say you're a first time mother but also say you have experience of a c section and could cope with that?

C section pain is very bad and the recovery can be long. Just be aware

What the others said if it's what you want request it, tell them the pros outweigh the cons due to bladder issues ect.. Don't ever be talked into an epidural as described worst mistake ever, you want a c section and epidural is non negotiable

@Android18 Recovery was long, painful and as a pp has said I've a scar that is numb and itches many years after the fact. I think it is hard for people to understand how awful the combination of the numbness and the itching is. I had an awful episiotomy after one birth and when my GP did my six week check up he asked me if the person who stitched me had a personal grudge against me as he had made such a mess but it healed and after a few months was no issue. I wish I could say the same about my CS scar.

Pretty much what everyone else is saying, speak to your midwife and see if she can refer you to a consultant to go through options. It is your right to have a section if you want so fight for it if you feel you’re not being heard or if you feel you’re being written off. I’ve had both an emergency and elective...both really positive experiences but recovery isn’t easy. Read up about it all and please don’t read all the horror stories. Good luck.

Just request an elective Caesarian and tell them about your underlying health conditions. There shouldn’t be a problem. I elected to have a Caesar due to being a much older mother (46) although I didn’t have any health problems. The operation was straight forward, very relaxing and I found the bikini cut didn’t hurt at all - I didn’t need any painkillers.

Have a look on birth rights about your right to request a c section. I believe you can be refused (if the consultant feels it’s not necessary) so you may have to be prepared to go to a different hospital.