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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex boyfriend reported me to the police ..aibu to not forgive him?

54 replies

totaleclipseofmyheart · 17/01/2021 10:28

Me and my ex remained friends after breaking up January 2020.
We still spoke daily on the phone and text etc
I don't want to go into too much detail but it came to light he reported me to the police in April.
He accused me of stealing from a dying close relative (it wasn't true and after investigation no further action was taking )
I found out after he drunkenly let something slip (that he could only of known about )
He text me last week..saying he was upset that I accused him of this and blaming him for "made up scenarios"
He said I was confused and was reflecting the blame to him.
I'm telling you it was 100% him.
I told him I didn't want to speak about it anymore and I'm hurt he thought so little of me.
He went to some lengths to Hurt me didn't he?
I've name changed as I have mentioned him before and worry if he sees these posts.
Why can't he just admit what he did?
Even if he thought I was doing this why go to them lengths ? Yet speak to me daily

OP posts:

Cocomarine · 17/01/2021 11:03

“Closure” 🙄
Please stop throwing about trendy therapy terms, and actually get therapy.
You are an equal part in this toxic pile of shit - you’ll never understand his behaviour, but do have a chance to understand your own. Get “closure” on your own mistakes.

Minky37 · 17/01/2021 11:04

You need to get a gray that he maliciously reported you! What are you not angry? He must have been so two faced to do that and keep chatting to you. Think about how much you would have to dislike someone to be able to keep that pretence up? Now block him on everything and don’t look back. He’s never going to explain it to you.

ReggaePerrin · 17/01/2021 11:07

@totaleclipseofmyheart

I need closure. I need to understand why he did it. What did I do to him for him to want to hurt me like that.

You're not going to get it. He did it because he's a shit. You didn't do anything - he wants to hurt you and any other partner he has been or will be with. It's his thing. He will always be the victim. It will always be your fault. He will always tell you you're confused and reflecting whereas it's he who is doing things to hurt or damage you and trying to get you to take the blame for it.

For your own wellbeing you would be better having no contact with this 'man'. He is not letting you go. You need to get away from him and move on with your life. It's not healthy.

You will not get any closure or make any sense of it because it doesn't make sense. That's how they work.

StrippedFridge · 17/01/2021 11:07

There is no such thing as closure. That's a thing made up by American TV. Drop the idea.

You want peace of mind. You want to move on unencumbered by ghosts of the past.

You will never get peace of mind through continuing to engage with him.

Every contact with him is self-harm as surely as would be taking a blade to yourself.

NonagonInfinityOpensTheDoor · 17/01/2021 11:08

The thing with closure is, it’s only truly closure when it’s what you want to hear. He could tell you a lie and you accept it. Or he could tell the true and you not accept it. You need to learn to get past it without hearing it from him himself. You say you’re 100% sure it was him so move on. By putting it in the past you can close that chapter and truly move on.

JamieLeesCurtains · 17/01/2021 11:10

He did it because he wanted to.

He wanted to because he is the sort of person who consciously enjoyed being able to hurt you, make trouble for you, and lie to you - and now he's laughing at you.

Sorry to be brusque but you have got to end this farce.

You know he's a wanker. That's 'why'.

willowmelangell · 17/01/2021 11:13

I am guessing here.
You and he remained friends after an amicable split. Except he didn't really. The split somehow put him in a position where he had a bruised ego. You should not have wanted to split from him.
(You don't actually say who initiated the split)
Perhaps he heard the word 'inheritance' or conjured a vision of an inheritance. Brooded that somehow, he failed to share in this real or imagined inheritance. Through jealousy and stung ego, out of spite, he made a story up to get back at you for daring to let him go so easily months before.
I stress, all a guess.
Faking friendship to collect information to use against you is another guess of mine.
I can see why he is an ex.

LaBellina · 17/01/2021 11:17

He did this to you because he's toxic.
The fact that you can't imagine this is a good thing as it shows you're not the nasty type of person who would do this to someone else. So this is your closure: he is toxic and very capable of trying to cause real damage to your reputation and God knows what else. Block him everywhere and remove him from your life before he causes further trouble/damage to your life, that might not go away this time.

partyatthepalace · 17/01/2021 11:21

@totaleclipseofmyheart

I need closure. I need to understand why he did it. What did I do to him for him to want to hurt me like that.

The only closure you will get is blocking him from your life.

There is nothing to understand, he’s an arsehole, it’s nothing to do with you.

You need to get out of your own head OP (I know it’s tough right now) because you are just running a drama in your mind. Take up running, get some counselling, whatever - move on. Now.

LizzieVereker · 17/01/2021 11:33

@totaleclipseofmyheart

I need closure. I need to understand why he did it. What did I do to him for him to want to hurt me like that.

Here’s closure: You cannot fix him. His actions were about him not you. He did it because he is morally weak and at the time he did it because it made him feel powerful. He then regretted it but because he’s morally weak, couldn’t admit it, so carried on speaking to you. It’s all about him, not a desire to hurt you.

You cannot fix him. Walk away.

Plonque · 17/01/2021 11:51

Why were you speaking daily to someone you broke up with very recently. One or the other of you was clearly trying to prevent the other from moving on. Only you know which.

Add into that the police matter, why the hell would you continue with this harmful, toxic thing.

Teach234 · 17/01/2021 12:32

Here's your closure- there's a block function on your phone. There's also block functions on all the social medias. Use them.

KatieGGGG · 17/01/2021 12:36

Stop feeding in to the drama and block him. He’s not going to give you “closure” closure comes from yourself moving on and finding something else to do.

ComeCovidCloser · 17/01/2021 12:37

You've been given advice on this quite a few times now, OP. It's up to you now whether you want to listen.

Why don't you take the initiative and close the door yourself, take control of it, shut it and walk away. Closure.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 17/01/2021 12:38

the details are fairly specific - if he reads it is the namechange going to make a lot of difference.
Your relationship ended a year ago. stuff has happened that you're unhappy about - unless you have children, why any interest in staying friends?
Move on.

Bartlet · 17/01/2021 12:41

You’re obviously loving the drama of it. Why ask a load of random people on the internet? We don’t know and he won’t tell you.

Terracottasaur · 17/01/2021 12:44

There is no good reason to speak daily to someone who maliciously reported you to the police. You’re just continually feeding the drama. Block him and move on - you will be so much happier.

peak2021 · 17/01/2021 12:45

End all contact. Best thing to do.

Givemeabreak88 · 17/01/2021 13:12

You are not going to get “closure” The sooner you accept that the better, it sounds like you’ve been making multiple threads about this from what others have said. But continue to talk to him

Butchyrestingface · 17/01/2021 13:17

@totaleclipseofmyheart

I need closure. I need to understand why he did it. What did I do to him for him to want to hurt me like that.

Think I remember the original thread.

You're not going to get "closure". Life isn't a book. Some things you just need to let go and stop giving things headspace. The best way you can do this is to cease contact.

Doesn't matter how many times you repost the same old, same old. You're going to get the same responses.

TheNinny · 17/01/2021 13:31

Closure is something you decide. I had this with a previous ex. I felt i couldnt leave things how they were left until i realised, I could. You can have closure in the non-closure. Sounds silly but its like realising you will never get the 'closure' you seek and making peace with it. As a meme i saw once said, 'Somethings can't be fixed. Chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and move on'. I find that phrase strangely satisfying somehow. You know the truth. You know what happened. Thats all you need.

NotDavidTennant · 17/01/2021 13:35

Well I'm sure it would be nice to get closure you can't force him to admit to anything. At some point you need to draw a line under this and move on.

PlinkPlink · 17/01/2021 13:36

Block and move on.

You don't owe him anything and he's made it clear he's a snake in the grass. Trying to be your friend after reporting you to the police?

Byeeeeee

AgentJohnson · 17/01/2021 13:50

Closure is your excuse to stay in contact, real closure, is letting him go once and for all.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 17/01/2021 13:54

You are looking in the wrong place for closure.
He did that out of spite presumably.he then carried on as if it wasn't him.
He is not going to suddenly fess up.
Stop engaging with it.

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