To question him doing the same as his last relationship

[Rosieblue22]

I understand we speak how we speak. Accents and where we are from often are where we get certain sayings, words and pet names from. Also personality wise. We will see things how we see them. We are who we are.

But I made the mistake last night of looking through my boyfriends ex's page. We've all been there I bet. It seems locked down now. But it was open throughout their relationship. I ended up scrolling through and realising he calls me the same nicknames. He says the same sentances when saying he loves me. He calls us both his world in the same way. She's written a status saying how he treats her like a gentleman. Walks roadside and carries heavy bags. Opens heavy doors. Which he does. He said his mum raised him as a single mum and always told him to treat women properly. He said he remembers how it upset him how his dad treated her and has always remembered her words.

He occasionally sends a thoughtful gift to me. He doesn't like Christmas etc and says he likes sending gifts naturally when he sees something to make a person happy. I can see he did the same for his ex. She's shared a few of the random treats she received and I then stupidly read the comments under the photo of him saying lovely things exactly how he does to me.

It's my own fault for snooping. It felt weird seeing his old life like that. But I don't feel I'm doing anything like my past relationships. Absolutely nothing feels the same as they are different men.

So out of curiosity has anyone felt they are being treated exactly like the ex?

Nice replies please. I know I've been nosey but I would appreciate experiences.

But he’s the same person he was back then, when he was in a relationship with his ex — same ‘chivalrous’ manners, same habits about gift-buying, same vocabulary!

Do you think he got a factory reset when he started seeing you???

@HappyFlamingo

Your boyfriend sounds like a nice bloke who treats women well. That's a good thing! He's also maybe a bit unoriginal, but we can't all be Shakespeare.

The only thing that would really bother me is if he had a particular cute nickname for me (not a generic word like sweetheart) and he'd had the same one for her. I must say I'd be gutted about that.

Yeah the only thing that would hurt is recycled nicknames

I am going to go against the grain here - I understand your initial reaction. Manners and respect aside (shouldn't that be a standard requirement). I agree with others that language can be universal - one size fits all but where is his spontaneity? Where is the but 'it's our thing?' You make it sound a bit paint by numbers.

Are you concerned he wants to replicate same relationship as the last. Perhaps you too? Or maybe he is playing a role. Are these are his moves. Seems a impersonal though.

A new relationship is a about two people trying to forge new together - . Discoveries about each other should be natural. Surely a good relationship evolves. He may not like being 'forced' to give gift at Christmas - but what if Christmas is important you. What if you found impromptu gifts awkward and embarrassing. Does he get to do that because that is what he's always done in the past and she liked it.

What if you said - I hate the word sweetheart - my ex used to call me that. Would he call you something else?

"But I don't feel I'm doing anything like my past relationships. Absolutely nothing feels the same as they are different men"

And he probbaly sees you as totaly different to his ex.

When yourpartner changes unless it was exceptionally traumatic you don't tend to change yourself too

How long have you been together OP? And how old are you both? How long was he with his ex?

I do agree that he should be able to adapt if he does something that you don't particularly like (and tell him so). Have you ever done that OP? Do you mind Christmas not being a big deal? You should feel able to tell him if something bothers you.

Is it possible that all your relationships seem very different to you because you are quite a passive partner so it is the other person driving the relationship each time, and therefore more dependent on their likes and personality?