To have broken down today

[Rosecottage888]

I have a 6m old DS and due back at work
In 6 weeks. I'll have to hand him over to a childminder on the doorstep as I'm not allowed in for settling in sessions, and the poor kid knows no one other than me, DP and 16 yr old DS. Can't even start with how shit I'm feeling about this 😞

The mum guilt is killing me right now and every day that gets closer to it I'm feeling worse. My other DS has been doing his mock GCSE's in his bloody bedroom this week and stressing out understandably about that, and DP is working in a school for vulnerable children so I just was to SCREAM right now. AIBU to want to let it out??? Of course I understand there are people a lot worse off than me right now but I just had to vent it somewhere.

I'm so sorry you are in this position. My heart goes out to you. No advice really, as it seems you MUST go back to work, but I just wanted to say that I really feel for you.

Thank you, no not looking for advice because there's nothing I can change about any of the above I just needed to vent and I guess looking for anyone in a similar situation so I know I'm not the only one! Thank you for replying x

That’s really tough, yet another way in which this virus is ruining everything!
Please don’t feel mom guilt though. You’re handing him to someone who is skilled with babies and young children, who will care for him and they will get to know each other and she’ll become another person he loves. Even though you can’t go in with him, if the settling in sessions are short-ish your DS will be seeing how mum always comes to collect him at the end and that will be reassuring. If I were you I’d be talking to him a lot about it, even though I know he’s only six months and won’t know most of what you’re saying. Stuff like “you’re going to be spending with this kind lady who will take care of you, it may seem strange at first but I promise you’ll be ok”..etc etc. He can still pick up on your reassuring tone and it’s like you’re talking both you and him into being reassured about it. That’ll maybe help you feel calmer about it and you’ll project that calm a bit onto him.
I’ve seen other people on here worry about this kind of thing so you’re definitely not alone. The important thing is that your DS is loved and secure so far in his life and that stands him in good stead for settling in well at the childminder. Even though he hasn’t met other people, he’s learned that people are loving and take care of you and that is the best foundation for him adjusting to this new stage.

Oh my goodness - I can understand why you feel so upset. You have such a lot on your plate.

Could you ask the childminder whether she would be open to recording a couple of videos for DS that you could watch together? Maybe a song, and her talking and showing toys, etc. That way, you and DS could watch/sing along together. I have a good friend who is a wonderful childminder, and I know she wouldn't mind doing this, especially given the current circumstances.

@swaziscot

That’s really tough, yet another way in which this virus is ruining everything! Please don’t feel mom guilt though. You’re handing him to someone who is skilled with babies and young children, who will care for him and they will get to know each other and she’ll become another person he loves. Even though you can’t go in with him, if the settling in sessions are short-ish your DS will be seeing how mum always comes to collect him at the end and that will be reassuring. If I were you I’d be talking to him a lot about it, even though I know he’s only six months and won’t know most of what you’re saying. Stuff like “you’re going to be spending with this kind lady who will take care of you, it may seem strange at first but I promise you’ll be ok”..etc etc. He can still pick up on your reassuring tone and it’s like you’re talking both you and him into being reassured about it. That’ll maybe help you feel calmer about it and you’ll project that calm a bit onto him. I’ve seen other people on here worry about this kind of thing so you’re definitely not alone. The important thing is that your DS is loved and secure so far in his life and that stands him in good stead for settling in well at the childminder. Even though he hasn’t met other people, he’s learned that people are loving and take care of you and that is the best foundation for him adjusting to this new stage.

This is such great advice thank you so much, I will start showing a photo of the childminder when we go through photos of family members which I already do, thank you! I hadn't even though of that x

@tobeamockingbird

Oh my goodness - I can understand why you feel so upset. You have such a lot on your plate.

Could you ask the childminder whether she would be open to recording a couple of videos for DS that you could watch together? Maybe a song, and her talking and showing toys, etc. That way, you and DS could watch/sing along together. I have a good friend who is a wonderful childminder, and I know she wouldn't mind doing this, especially given the current circumstances.

Also a great idea I'll ask if she would be able to do something like this. We met her for a walk in the park (although DS slept most of it so didn't really see her face 😂) and she totally understood how I was feeling so I'm sure she could accommodate this. Thank you so much for the suggestion x