...to ask how you realised your child had an eating disorder?

[bluebellscorner]

I have a 10yo DD and I think I’m seeing a few signs, but I’m not sure. I’d love to hear from those with experience of DC with eating disorders:

• what were the first signs?
• how did you handle it?

My DD is on the 50th percentile for height and 25th for weight - still within the normal range so all good. She has always eaten with a good appetite, and still does, for the most part. My antenna is up because she has started to avoid sweets and puddings. We don’t have these things often but when we do, she will have some and then quickly say that she is full or that she has a tummy ache and can’t eat anything. She will also give away her share of any sweets she gets for family movie night or similar.

It’s the giving away of treats that she loves which rang a bell for me. Perhaps I am making something out of nothing but I used to have an anorexic friend in secondary school who started doing this at the beginning of her illness, so that made me think.

Any input would be hugely helpful - signs to watch out for, ways to help if there really is something going on, your own experience with DC and issues with food. Thanks!

I do t have any advice OP but I think that would raise my antennae too - bumping this for you.

Thank you @SebastianTheCrab

This is a good screener. Happy to talk by dm too.

feedyourinstinct.com.au/

My DD had an eating disorder as a young teenager. She got better mainly because I realised very early on what was happening. In her case it was a manifestation of anxiety problems which have not gone away even though the food issues have more or less completely been resolved.

I think you're absolutely right to be concerned at changes in attitudes towards food even though her food issues probably aren't yet at the "eating disorder" stage. The main flag here is making excuses not to eat.

The fact that you know exactly what weight centile she's on suggests that you have a concern about weight - just be careful that you are not modelling unhealthy behaviour around food/weight.

It's worth considering whether this could be a sign of some other underlying issues - obviously Covid has been horrible for young people's mental health.

For us one of the things that helped most was talking frankly about food and health from a scientific/biological point of view, and also DD's growing interest in feminism. She also saw a psychologist (privately) from time to time to help with her underlying anxiety.

Thank you so much @Goawayquickly this is exactly the kind of resource I have been looking for! So very helpful. I am taking the quiz now.

You might find this useful too www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/sites/default/files/Toolkits/ParentToolkit.pdf

It's a good idea to keep an eye on it OP, but just to reassure you, my DD started doing the same at age 10 and she seems to have a healthy relationship with food now (age 13).

Thank you @Mistigri The reason I know her exact centile: a close friend actually made a comment about how thin DD looks, and am I making sure she is eating enough. This was in the summer, and she was wearing a sundress. That’s probably when my concerns first started. I hadn’t noticed any changes myself, so I measured and weighed her a few days later (along with my other DC to make it a family event - other DC are built very different, no concerns there) just to check, but she was still following her curve. She’s always been on these centiles, so that reassured me.

I recently measured her again, this time for an application for a sports camp for the summer. They asked for her height, and it turns out she had grown a bit since last time so we then checked the weight too (still following her curve).

I don’t want to make this into an issue for her at all. I would never weigh her just because, and I hope these two occasions felt natural to DD and not as though we are obsessing about her size or weight.

Really trying not to comment on what she eats, trying to make sure husband is sensitive too and doesn’t comment or joke about any of these topics

Hi op, this isn't something I'd usually share but I used too have an eating disorder. Here's some tricks I used to use to hide it, so things to look out for.

• Putting a splash of milk and a couple of pieces of cereal in a bowl left of the side to look like I'd eaten it.
• Excessively drinking water before meals to fill stomach
• Chewing gum
• Pieces of toilet roll in in the bowl would hide vomit that doesn't flush away.

I would never usually suggest someone does this, but if you google (in incognito for DD doesn't see) How to hide eating disorders you may find some people sharing tips and tricks so you know what to look out for.

• I'm unsure if this is helpful or if it's more likely to give some Mumsneters with eating disorders ideas, if you think it will please feel free anyone to report me and MNHQ can remove this post.

I’d make sure the scales were away and she can’t weigh herself OP. Keep a close eye and get help as soon as possible if an ED does develop.

Thank you @ChooChooCho I really appreciate that you took the time to share! Very helpful, not just for me but for other parents in similar situations too I’m sure

Thank you @Anothermother3 good idea. I will remove the scales.

Thanks @HappyFlamingo that so reassuring. This might well be a phase, and nothing which will develop into anything we need to worry about.

If it is just sugary stuff, has there been anything tooth related? Toothache or sensitivity can be very alarming, especially if you don't like the dentist

That’s an interesting perspective. I’ll ask her, it’s been a while since our last check up due to all these lockdowns.

I don’t know if anyone is going to see this but I thought I’d give an update.

Something is definitely off, as she is now stealing food (treats) and eating in secret. I found wrappers from chocolate which she took out of our treat jar (we have a jar for movie night and occasional treats, it is stored high up in a cupboard). She had put the wrappers in her wardrobe. She has also taken a pack of icing sugar and eaten it, found the empty packet stashed in a bookshelf.

We talked about it and she says she doesn’t know why she does it, she says it’s got something do do with feeling stressed. She also says she doesn’t want to eat anymore but that she is trying her best. I tried to be very gentle in this discussion and I feel we had a good connection and a nice talk, but I’m at a loss as to how to support her.

OP didn’t comment before, but just seen your update. Definitely something going on. I think you need to speak to a professional. In the meantime, just reassure her that you will listen to her and help in any way you can.

Yes OP I agree that is worrying. Can you contact a helpline for eating disorders? Maybe some counselling would nip this in the bud before it gets any worse.

Yes I would reach out to a professional too, as eating disorders are complex. It sounds like this could be binge eating or some kind, I used to do this in university. When I felt anxious or stressed I would just eat any snacks I had available, even if I wasn’t particularly hungry. Sending positivity

Hi Op yes that does sound concerning especially if it's now coinciding with binging as well.

I first new something was up with my dd when she started refusing foods she'd previously enjoyed, she also said she was on a health kick and didn't want to eat crap 😕 I soon realised it wasn't just crap she didn't want to eat as healthier foods became a struggle as well. With my dd it also coincided with doing online workouts and starting running.

It's a slippery slope so ask for medical help now.

Thank you everyone. I think we might need some professional support, the only problem is that my husband is a bit worried that we might end up making things worse by turning this into an 'issue' if we start involving therapists etc. What if she is temporarily 'down' due to the challenging year she's had (lockdown and the 11+) and this might all resolve once things go back to normal - but by then she has been labelled as having an eating disorder, and so on.

I see his point, but I also keep reading how early intervention is key. I am going to make a few phone calls tomorrow to see what our options are, and we might also see our GP who is very good at talking to children.

I think many of us had some level of body image issues and/or disordered eating growing up (the grunge era & cocaine chic set the tone when I was a teenager), or we had friends who were dealing with this, and the scary part is how stubborn these issues can be. I don't want DD to have a complicated relationship to food as she grows up, it can ruin so much.

Interestingly I came across some articles about the link between ADHD (she was diagnosed about a year and a half ago, very mild case) and eating disorders, I think the lesson is that whoever ends up supporting or treating her should have some knowledge of both, as restricting/overeating can sometimes serve as coping mechanisms for ADHD.

Hi, OP.

My children aren’t yet old enough for this to be an issue but I suffered for many many years myself. (From childhood).

Everyone’s situation is different and I don’t know yours at all beyond the little you’ve written, but from experience I would advise going with your instincts and seeking that early intervention. My own mum had good intentions in trying to do all the things your husband is thinking (avoid ‘labelling’, avoid ‘making a big deal’ etc) and the delay in getting treatment cost me dearly.

Hiding food/wrappers and binging in secret is not normal. I’m sorry that you’re experiencing this, I know my mum found it incredibly difficult to navigate and lost many nights sleep over the years with it.