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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do?

29 replies

GingerbreadLiqueur · 16/01/2021 14:59

I have a male friend. We are a bubble.

Anyway, on Tuesday we arranged for me to go over to his tonight. One of us is normally in touch 24 hours beforehand to confirm, agree the time and confirm what we're having for dinner.

Now, agreeing the time is just perfunctory - it's always the same time.

So. I sent the last couple of messages to him over the past couple of days - nothing serious or that required a response as such but he rarely doesn't acknowledge a message at all. Neither of us confirmed tonight yesterday. I still havent heard from him. Which, frankly, I think is just a bit rude.

So, what so I do if I don't hear from him?

Go over at the usual time even thought it hasn't been confirmed? Or message him for an third time like a dick?

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerbreadLiqueur · 16/01/2021 15:00

Ah forgot to turn the voting off.

OP posts:
palmstar · 16/01/2021 15:01

Just call him! Simples.

Sparklingbrook · 16/01/2021 15:02

I would just send a 'Am I still coming over to yours tonight?' text. But if no response leave it at that.

Thedogscollar · 16/01/2021 15:02

Phone him

Lolojojonesi · 16/01/2021 15:02

Just call him?

Original poster
GingerbreadLiqueur · 16/01/2021 15:03

I don't want to call in case he's avoiding me for some reason!

I just like I'm 'chasing' a bit if I call a third time!

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerbreadLiqueur · 16/01/2021 15:03

Msg not call!

OP posts:
palmstar · 16/01/2021 15:05

You're an adult. Call him and if he doesn't answer there's your answer.

yawnsvillex · 16/01/2021 15:05

@GingerbreadLiqueur

I don't want to call in case he's avoiding me for some reason!

I just like I'm 'chasing' a bit if I call a third time!

Don't then ....

What outcome do you actually expect?

Sparklingbrook · 16/01/2021 15:08

@GingerbreadLiqueur

I don't want to call in case he's avoiding me for some reason!

I just like I'm 'chasing' a bit if I call a third time!

If he's avoiding you he won't pick up. Then you have your answer, but you can say 'well I rang you to see what was happening' if he does then go on to wonder where you are!
AbbeyBelfast · 16/01/2021 15:08

What age are you op? This sounds wildly immature

Original poster
GingerbreadLiqueur · 16/01/2021 15:09

It's not immature. I'm autistic and I don't know what I should do.

I always seem take the wrong decision if inrely on my own judgement.

I just wondered what other people would do. To see if that would help.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 16/01/2021 15:10

@GingerbreadLiqueur

It's not immature. I'm autistic and I don't know what I should do.

I always seem take the wrong decision if inrely on my own judgement.

I just wondered what other people would do. To see if that would help.

I think just ring him. Then you'll know-it's fine.
LagneyandCasey · 16/01/2021 15:11

Call him. If it's out of character there might be something wrong?

Original poster
GingerbreadLiqueur · 16/01/2021 15:13

I really hate using the phone if I'm uncertain of the conversation that's going to take place.

I've just messaged using your suggested message,

Sparklingbrook

Thanks

OP posts:
LazyName · 16/01/2021 15:15

I’d probably call to check they are okay if you haven’t heard from them?

RedHelenB · 16/01/2021 15:15

If he was expecting you, surely he will ring to see where you are if you don't turn up? I'd ring him once but if he doesn't answer just leave it to him to make the next move.

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2021 15:18

Blimey, I'm glad my friends are a bit more caring OP

We're in the middle of a pandemic, it's unlike him not to reply and you've turned that into you and your feelings?

partyatthepalace · 16/01/2021 15:18

You are making too much of this.

Either call him to check or text him to check - you can say ‘I’m assuming it’s off tonight’ if that makes you more comfortable. If you don’t hear back, it’s off.

How old are you?!

Original poster
GingerbreadLiqueur · 16/01/2021 15:25

It's not about me and my feelings. I just don't know how to respond in a situation like this.

It's not about not caring I don't want to not read signs that he is avoiding me and hound him. And I don't want him to feel that I have forgotten.

The reason I asked what because I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 16/01/2021 15:25

@GingerbreadLiqueur

It's not about me and my feelings. I just don't know how to respond in a situation like this.

It's not about not caring I don't want to not read signs that he is avoiding me and hound him. And I don't want him to feel that I have forgotten.

The reason I asked what because I don't know what to do.

It's fine. You have sent the text, see what happens now.
Original poster
GingerbreadLiqueur · 16/01/2021 15:27

Anyway, I messaged him.

Making contact seemed to be what everyone else would do. So I did.

Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerbreadLiqueur · 16/01/2021 15:46

Ok. Well I've just been online because my friend messaged. He was also online but he hasn't even read it let alone replied.

So I guess that's my answer.

It's weird though. No idea why.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 16/01/2021 15:47

@GingerbreadLiqueur

Ok. Well I've just been online because my friend messaged. He was also online but he hasn't even read it let alone replied.

So I guess that's my answer.

It's weird though. No idea why.

The ball is firmly in his court. Try not to worry about it. If he's not replying then that is a bit rude.
Swimmingwiththebees · 16/01/2021 15:48

How well do you know him? Are you sure he is only in a bubble with you and not breaking rules? I'd be a bit concerned about his behaviour and the fact that you don't seem to have a good enough relationship to call him out on it and consider if he was the right person to bubble with