YANBU. I don’t have any children yet due to infertility but my ideal scenario is to have one child ASAP and no more. My DH is very much wanting to be one and done even more so than me.
Everyone should do what’s right for them but for me personally the pros of an only child outweigh the cons. There are just so many.
The extra time we’d have for the child because we’re not trying to split our attention with a sibling (and also in my case avoiding spending time away from my child going through further fertility treatment). The extra “me” time I’d have for myself that will l’m sure make me a calmer and happier parent. DH getting time for his hobbies that will make him happier and more fulfilled. The fact it should be easier to get someone to look after the DC or if they’re at a party/ sleepover no other child to look after and the extra time to have date nights and focus on our marriage, and a stronger marriage is probably better for the child. The time needed to both keep up our careers. More likely to be able to get the time off to attend every sports day, school play etc if there’s only one child to do this for.
The extra money, not needing a bigger house or car, spending less on childcare, being able to afford holidays, school trips, hobbies and experiences for the DC, being able to save more and hopefully retire earlier as only one child to help with education, house deposit etc. Hopefully be able to leave child some inheritance and it doesn’t need to be split.
Having more energy, dealing with less drudgery (less people to make a mess, to cook for, to clean clothes for, to nag to clean their rooms, to drive about, more able to afford a cleaner), not expending emotional energy on further IVF, not having to deal with sibling squabbles, a quieter and more peaceful home.
Can do age appropriate things without waiting for a younger child to be old enough.
Only one set of potential birth injuries, and if PND is an issue at least not going through it twice, not having to deal with any more miscarriages if we stop trying after one, less dealing with breastfeeding which sounds often painful and difficult, more chance of getting back to pre birth weight. If lucky enough to have NT child, rolling dice again could mean a child with SEN, especially due to me being older by then, and that could be difficult for oldest child.
Easier to travel with one child, they’re more portable. More time in late 50s onwards free of young children to travel and enjoy more time as a married couple (all being well).
Much lower environmental impact and easier to make more eco friendly choices.
The cons I can see are- child being lonely, child being overwhelmed by too much parent focus, child having hard time dealing with things alone as an adult. I don’t think any of these is a good reason to have another child. The second child shouldn’t be a designated playmate/ burden sharer. They might not get on anyway. To avoid loneliness will just mean more effort to arrange play dates, use nursery, facilitate hobbies etc. DH and I would need to avoid hyper-focusing on DC and make sure to give them their independence. I have a sibling, who I love, but I was very happy being mostly alone as a child, and I feel a bit smothered by my DM sometimes as an adult even though I’m not an only child! When it comes to the burden of elderly parents, obviously my sibling would be involved in discussions about that but I can see it mostly falling to me anyway and the person I’d mostly lean on is my DH. We can make our own family as adults and they don’t need to be biologically related to us. As for shared memories, my sibling doesn’t seem to remember the things I do and vice versa! I also know many people who don’t talk to their siblings at all as adults and/ or didn’t get on with them as children.
There are other pros to bigger families that might appeal to others but don’t to me (at least, enough to sway me)- noisy, busy homes, busy lives, more chance of grandchildren, more chance at least one child will still be nearby when you’re old, enjoying watching them play and bond, less need to entertain them, enjoying big family events and christmases.
IMO a good reason to have a child, or a second child, is because you (and the other parent) want one. It’s not really a logical decision so a pro/ con list won’t help if you desperately want to have that child. There are plenty of pros to not to having a child at all but I desperately want to raise a child and want to be a mum- if I had to pick having two DC vs having no DC I’d pick two in a heartbeat! If you’re on the fence your own pro/con list like might help, or if you don’t want one it can help to reinforce your decision and make you feel more comfortable with it.