Overstepping parents

[Whatisthis543]

Cued from another thread. What are you stories of parents overstepping with their kids.

I’ll start...I once interviewed a first year uni student for an apprenticeship. Their mum came to the interview with them and sat in the waiting area. A bit weird anyway but ask I asked the student to come in to the interview room the mum started to follow, I had to ask them to wait outside as they honestly wanted to sit in on the interview to ‘ask questions’ that their DD hadn’t though of. Most bizarre!

I'm 36, but my dad is unable to comprehend I might be a capable adult (he did once tell me women aren't really grown up until they're married). We're trying to buy a house so he'll trawl rightmove and tell us in detail what he thinks, they ask us many reasons why we've not bought the houses he picks out as likely candidates. He was also gobsmacked and quite cross when I bought a car without consulting him. He still tries to get me to tell him about my work (which is nowhere close to his area of expertise) so he can tell me how he would do things and what he thinks I should do next.

What I find mortifying is that the over-involvement goes along with thinking I'm still a teenager in need of career help - he's been known to approach people asking if they've any jobs - the kinds of jobs that would plainly be entry-level or unpaid internships - for 'my daughter who's interested in local history' (I'm a professional historian). Or when I got my first book contract, he wanted to read it and talk to the publisher so he could 'check it out because it does look like a vanity publisher'. I didn't know if I was more insulted he thought I couldn't suss a vanity publisher for myself, or that he thought only a vanity publisher would want me!

I quite often see students whose parents are over-involved and I always try to give them a lot of support rather than getting cross with the parents, because I know from experience that what seems mildly funny at 18 or 20 can become absolutely ridiculous as life goes on, and while it doesn't need to impact on your life (you can always ignore people), it is sad.

Oh, god, and reading the nursing interview one is giving me flashbacks!

One time I was out with my parents in town and had to nip into my office, which was nearby, to get something. We ran into the very senior, very well-respected professor who was essentially my big boss. My dad 'joked' how he was glad she'd 'taken me on' given what an airhead I was, 'but I suppose it's not serious business is it?'

I wanted to sink.through.the.floor.

I am actually blushing as I type that.

And like your dad, he thought he was hilarious and had really shown some polished social wit.

I had a newly-wed young lady come to an interview accompanied by her husband but he didn't plan to come into the interview room (unlike a PP's experience). He stayed in the company's reception. I did think it strange but thought it may have been normal in her culture. She got the job too so it wasn't that off-putting.

My mum has a friend who enrolled on the same college course as her son because she wanted to be there to keep an eye on him. I understand that he is now very low contact with his mum, perhaps not surprisingly!

Letting your child go on a school trip can be hard for some parents, I get that; but the one which gobsmacked me was the mummy (plus the lad's sister) who having given consent with much fretting, turned up at the hotel where the choir was staying to check that he was all right. The choir tour was to New York and Boston, so her anxiety must have cost a pretty penny in airfares and hotel rooms. If she felt that uneasy, it might have been better not to give permission.
The lad concerned, despite still singing treble, had been enjoying himself enormously chatting up the VIth form girls, and was not overly pleased to see her.

DD at university is the only one in her flat who can cook. She agreed that on the 2 days a week she cooks, she would cook for everyone if they paid for the ingredients. So for a chilli for example, she priced up the main ingredients and split it between the other 5 in her flat. She provided the time and effort of making it, plus her own herbs and spices, gravy stock etc.

Cue flatmates DM tracking me down on Facebook to tell me that this was unacceptable. If DD paid her fair share and the cos was split 6 ways, her DC share would have been about 50p less.

Her DC was mortified as they were quite happy to get a proper meal instead of a pot noodle for once.

When I was 19, after a year of being unemployed I applied for a time share office job. I'd found the ad myself, set up the interview myself, etc. Went to the interview, got the job.

6 months later one of the managers who I'd become friends with told me that my mother had rung them before my interview, telling them that I was extremely shy (not true) and that they should make allowances for that. I was so angry and upset when he told me, not matter how much he assured me I felt like I hadn't got on my own merits and that mummy had basically begged them to give it to me.

It was about that time I started heavily editing what I told her about what was going on in my life. 33 years later I still do.

@twoshedsjackson

Letting your child go on a school trip can be hard for some parents, I get that; but the one which gobsmacked me was the mummy (plus the lad's sister) who having given consent with much fretting, turned up at the hotel where the choir was staying to check that he was all right. The choir tour was to New York and Boston, so her anxiety must have cost a pretty penny in airfares and hotel rooms. If she felt that uneasy, it might have been better not to give permission. The lad concerned, despite still singing treble, had been enjoying himself enormously chatting up the VIth form girls, and was not overly pleased to see her.

Oh this reminds me of the school I used to work at where a mother of one of the children insisted she accompanied us on a school trip to the zoo! Not as a volunteer helper, she just wanted to keep an eye on us. She drove there in her car and met us at the gates, came around with us, sat with us at lunch etc. It was bizarre and we couldn’t really relax as we felt she was constantly watching and judging us.