Not to know how to reply to this text

[ReadingSurgery]

A friend I haven’t seen since before the pandemic has been trying to get in contact with me for a while. Just checking in with me, asking how I am. I’m really struggling to know how to reply. She’s the sort of friend that I don’t want to just fob off with a vague “all good here thanks, how are you?” but I’m really not sure how to reply to her.
I’ve found this last year quite tough and was prescribed antidepressants about two months ago. I am starting to feel a little bit better, but only to a “just about able to keep my head above water” level rather than the way I was really struggling before. I’ve been avoiding replying to her just because it feels really difficult, I don’t know why. I think because I trust her so want to be honest with her but also a way that I’m coping at the minute is to just get on with what I have to do at home with my family and work and not really deal with anything outside of that. I really appreciate that she’s texted me, multiple times, even though I haven’t replied. I feel bad that I haven’t and she’s probably worried. But for some reason it just feels a bit scary and difficult at the minute and I’m not sure what to do.

You might feel better talking about how you feel to someone you trust. A lot of people are feeling it right now, she could be feeling the same and reaching out as she wanted to talk. It may make you feel a lot better to talk about things. A problem shared is a problem halved.

She's probably worried if you're not replying to her , OP.

Can you send a text just saying sorry for the lack of reply but you've been feeling down and not very chatty at the moment but do appreciate her texts. And ask her how she's doing.

Apologise for not texting, tell her it's been hard but you are managing as best you can. Ask how she is. Then see if anything further develops. Whatever you do don't offload on her immediately.

"Sorry to not reply sooner. I'm not great tbh, but I'm using the dory school of thought to 'just keep swimming' - talking about it just makes my mood dip. How are you?"

Agree- just send her a text saying that you were struggling but feel youve got on top of it.

Please dont just ignore her- thats how friendships end up fading. If she's important tot you, and you care about her then at least reply something.
Otherwise she'll just assume you dont give a shit

@timeisnotaline

Hey sorry I haven’t replied. Honestly it’s been really tough but I’m hanging in there. Appreciate your message and I hope things get better soon.

This. It’s rude not to reply at all.

There are some good suggestions upthread for replying by text.

You don't have to phone her, byt if shes a good friend/you trust her then it night be cheering and comforting to do so? When I've been very low it's felt hard to respond to friends but when I did I was so glad for the chat. Would you like to hear about what is going on in her life? Or discuss other safe topics that you have in common?

Reply immediately unless you really don’t care about her.

Right now she feels not just worried about you, she feels upset and possibly rejected. You know, because she’s a human being with complex emotions too?

You can either be considerate and respond (as briefly as you like) or keep on being super-focused on yourself, your life, your feelings.

Of course if you do have no interest in the friendship any more just leave it. You’re entitled to. But she’s a living, feeling person just like you.

I like the suggestion from @Thehop. But I think any of the suggested messages are fine, I think it’s important that you reply to her cos she’s either very concerned about you, or she’s struggling herself. I’m sure if you arranged a phone call you would be fine and remember how easy it is to chat to a good friend. Don’t risk losing her over this.

For a variety of different reasons poor mental health has been an issue for me most of my life.
When things are at their worst I become a tortoise and hide in my shell. I feel people won’t want to hear from me as I’ve got nothing good to bring to any conversation and I’d just bring others down.
Once I feel better I regret my lack of contact but feel I’ve left it too long to get back in touch.
I’ve lost friends because of this vicious cycle.
True friends understand but I’ve only got a couple of those left now....but I rarely speak to them.
Please don’t let this happen to you, try this simple text as way of explaining
Hi thanks so much for your txts, I really appreciate them even though it’s taken a while for me to answer.
I have been going through a tough time, I am surviving though. I’m just getting through by concentrating on mundane daily stuff and nothing else which seems to work for me.
How are you, hope things are ok?
Really looking forward to a time when we can have a proper catch up.

"Hi X, sorry I haven't replied before, the past few months have been quite tough to be honest but I'm surviving. Getting through it by focusing on home and work. How are things with you, hope you're doing OK?"

I get where you're coming from - when someone asks how you are and the honest answer would just be an outpouring of emotion which somehow feels inappropriate to put in Whatsapp. But just a "fine" would be fobbing her off.

@timeisnotaline

Hey sorry I haven’t replied. Honestly it’s been really tough but I’m hanging in there. Appreciate your message and I hope things get better soon.

Yes, this, but I would also add that you are getting help.

I have a friend who disappears periodically when she is struggling with her mental health. It is very very worrying and I would be so reassured if she were to send me something like this.

“So lovely to hear from you. It’s been tough, how about you? Would love to chat with you does Thursday at 7 suit?”

I think you need to chat to her.

Hey OP, sorry I was a bit harsh in my post. You’re obviously going through a tough time.

Do reach out to her just to let her know you’re still interested in the friendship (as brief as you like). And of course it’s ok if you don’t want to, but that will have an impact on your friend and the friendship. Hope you feel better soon.