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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think police have just ignored potential child abuse? - advice needed

52 replies

AdviceNeededArgh · 14/01/2021 22:36

Friend overheard something that sounded awful tonight whilst walking down the street. Noises from inside a house, window open. (Being purposely vague.)

Friend actually intervened by yelling out and said she was going to call the police.

Police arrived promptly, checked with friend what happened, then went to investigate.

They called a bit later to say that they'd talked to the adult and the children in the house, who'd given a reason as to why a child had been crying.

However, my friend heard a lot more than just a child crying! AIBU to think the police have been really stupid to accept an excuse that doesn't even make sense, from a household primed that police were on their way? Please tell me this isn't routine!

And, what the hell do we do about it? Contact them again? Contact Social Services?

OP posts:
Uhhuhoyaye · 15/01/2021 08:57

If a child had been hit harshly and repeatedly, there would almost certainly have been fresh injuries on him/her and damage/ chaos in the house. If there weren't and the householder was able to explain the noise, it is not surprising if no further action was taken.

Original poster
AdviceNeededArgh · 15/01/2021 12:57

@Uhhuhoyaye

If a child had been hit harshly and repeatedly, there would almost certainly have been fresh injuries on him/her and damage/ chaos in the house. If there weren't and the householder was able to explain the noise, it is not surprising if no further action was taken.
But they had warning the police were being called. Had half an hour ish to tidy up. Also bruises etc wouldnt show through clothes and I'm pretty sure the police aren't allowed to ask to look without strict procedures being followed. Plus, the householder didn't explain the noise! Only why a child was crying, not the rest of it.
OP posts:
OhCaptain · 15/01/2021 13:27

@AdviceNeededArgh has your friend reported to SS? If police did follow up with a report to SS too then they might be quicker to look into it?

ChocolateSantaisthebestkind · 15/01/2021 13:41

YABU, there could be context you and your friend are unaware of. For example, my nephew is severely disabled and non verbal. He has extreme meltdowns and will attack his SEN nanny and my DSis and BIL. At times, it can sound awful and can imagine that a passerby might mistake it for something else. The police will in SS anyway.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 15/01/2021 14:39

This makes more sense with the details, I don’t think there is anything at all revealing about them so thank you for giving them.

Unfortunately it’s hard to tell from noises like that exactly what happened inside the house, as well as whether it meets a legal bar. Hopefully the police coming will at least give a warning to the family, but they’re always a bit useless about things like this.

I’ve had the same with police, when I’ve called them on domestic abuse—it’s very much a case of “is everything all right here” “ok well have a nice day” kind of thing. As in, useless and no interest in having a serious conversation.

I called on a man abusing a woman (he was threatening her, she was hysterically crying and whimpering, he was really angry) and they just talked to him 🤷‍♀️ Not even to her. Is everything ok, do you know this name (mine as I had called and apparently they think that’s fine) and they left. Although it at least seems to have been enough to make him leave her alone.

Doffodils · 15/01/2021 14:51

The police called back to tell your friend the private business of another family? Really?

Regardless, it's highly unlikely that anything would happen on a first report. The police have called to offer advice and support and it will be logged so any further reports can be connected.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 15/01/2021 14:59

My dd used to scream and throw things and hit me.

I daresay that a passing person would assume I was being abusive.

Had the police been called I would have explained what went in, shown them my bruises etc and that would have been that.

I wouldn't expect the police to go back and tell a random stranger the details.

Why are you inserting yourself into this? You didn't hear anything, you don't know if your mate is being dramatic. All you actually know is that the police went round and were satisfied there was nothing wrong.

2Kidsinatrenchcoat · 15/01/2021 15:05

My son (no diagnosis but suspected sen) throws things and screams. To someone who couldn’t see what was happening it could easily sound like I was hurting him and he was screaming because of that.

However your friend absolutely did the right thing by calling the police.

Godimabitch · 15/01/2021 15:09

I'd ring social services. The police should, but they should do a lot of things. At least you know then that social services are aware.

Coldilox · 15/01/2021 15:12

The police will have done a lot more than what they were able to tell your friend. Even if they were fobbed off, and accepted that (unlikely), they are obliged to make all the relevant referrals so if there was further concern it would be followed up

dublingirl66 · 15/01/2021 15:13

I'm glad your friend called the police
If it was to be easily explained then fine
If not let's hope SS become aware

I once heard a man attack his wife/partner as I was walking by the house
I stopped and waited and listened
Called police
Two cars arrived in less than 5 minutes
Very glad I did she was screaming in pain with the attack

Angel2702 · 15/01/2021 15:19

It will be passed to social services who have any cases passed onto them that has brought a child to the attention of the police.

It could well be something innocent. My daughter will shout and scream blood curdling screams and say you’re attacking me stop attacking me if we brush her hair, say something she doesn’t like or punish her in any way. She will kick, pinch, bite throw things attempt to break furniture during a meltdown. It sounds absolutely horrific and if I heard it I would assume she was being hit.

Social services will make a visit and investigate regardless of what police have said.

DdraigGoch · 15/01/2021 15:28

You've done your bit by calling the police. Leave the rest in the hands of your professionals.

lockeddownandcrazy · 15/01/2021 16:08

The police will act on what they see when they get there, they will also refer on if they need to but they won't tell you about it as it would be breaching data protection.

Original poster
AdviceNeededArgh · 15/01/2021 18:37

Doffodils
The police called back to tell your friend the private business of another family? Really?

I forgot you have to provide every detail for cross-examination on here...
Ok, so...
My friend heard this on the way to my house. Very close to mine. Despite giving full details of what she'd heard the police came here first to ask her again (this surprised me, I would have thought it an urgent call to get straight to the address in question). They asked if she'd like them to pop back after to let her know what happened and put her mind at rest (their words). I assumed they would take a full statement on their return and probably say something vague about situation being dealt with.
However, they did not return but instead phoned, saying they'd spoken to the adult and children at the address and been told child was crying because of xyz. My friend was quite taken aback so didn't immediately ask "But what about the other noises?" and the call was ended.
(I should say, I live alone and friend is my support bubble, in interests of preventing irrelevant questioning!)

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult
Why are you inserting yourself into this? You didn't hear anything, you don't know if your mate is being dramatic. All you actually know is that the police went round and were satisfied there was nothing wrong.

I'm not inserting myself into anything. I opened the door to my friend who'd just run from the address in question. I was here when the police came. I'm concerned a child is living with an abuser and the police are letting the abuser fob them off with excuses that don't even make sense!

OP posts:
Original poster
AdviceNeededArgh · 15/01/2021 18:48

I should add, I posted on here because I couldn't quite believe the police reaction and thought posters might have some advice or shed some light on it. My previous experiences with the police have led me to believe they would be a bit more thorough - not police bashing at all.

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LolaButt · 15/01/2021 18:57

You seem adamant that a child was being abused. So call the NSPCC.

There are horrific sounds coming from my house at times. One example was a game being thrown around the room and screaming because my kid couldn’t handle losing.

Shaniac · 15/01/2021 19:06

To be fair op how can you say the police fobbed her off with an excuse that doesnt make sense? All your friend heard was a child crying an adult yelling and bangs and a slapping sound that could literally be anything how does she know the child didnt slap the adult and trash their room during a meltdown? Its not uncommon. Seems like your friend did the right thing flagging it up but now has to let it go.

Original poster
AdviceNeededArgh · 15/01/2021 21:18

Shaniac
To be fair op how can you say the police fobbed her off with an excuse that doesnt make sense?

I didn't say that.
I said the police had potentially let an abuser fob them off with an excuse that doesn't make sense.
They didn't say the child was throwing things. They didn't say their child was having a meltdown. They simply gave a reason why their child was crying but no explanation of why they (the adult male) were yelling or what the hitting and crashing noises were.

OP posts:
boredinthouse · 15/01/2021 21:29

Your friend has done her bit by phoning the police. They have visited and were happy there wasn't an immediate danger and will pass the details to SS. I'm not sure why you're still concerned about it. My DS has SN, throws stuff, shouts and bangs about. Neighbours must be able to hear him but if the police ever came we would be able to show that it isn't quite how it might sound to someone walking by. Unless your friend can see through walls she can't possible know the cause of the noise.

Original poster
AdviceNeededArgh · 16/01/2021 08:08

boredinthehouse
Neighbours must be able to hear him but if the police ever came we would be able to show that it isn't quite how it might sound to someone walking by.

Right, and if that happened you'd explain to the police what the noises were. And presumably you wouldn't be shouting.

Hearing hitting noises whilst an angry male adult shouts is a bit different. Apparently the child sounded terrified.
I'm shocked people on here seem so quick to minimise such a horrible way of treating children.
People talking about meltdowns etc - do you yell at your child whilst it's happening?

And my point is - they have an excuse for the child crying but didn't account for the banging, hitting and adult yelling! And the police seemed satisfied!
It's horrendous to think a child is now suffering and people on here just want to justify it.

OP posts:
MusicalTrifleMonkey · 16/01/2021 08:39

What was the reason they have for the child crying? It’s really odd the police rang to explain, I’ve never had this before and I have reported two incidences....

Original poster
AdviceNeededArgh · 16/01/2021 08:45

MusicalTrifleMonkey
Apparently the child had broken something and was crying because that meant they couldn't play with it.
I thought it was really odd the police were so specific, but seeing as they were I don't understand why they wouldn't have been more thorough.

OP posts:
Original poster
AdviceNeededArgh · 16/01/2021 08:46

Oh also I've reported incidences before and have had a call or visit from police with a vague update on outcome. So that bit doesn't surprise me.

OP posts:
MusicalTrifleMonkey · 16/01/2021 08:49

Ah okay, I just wouldn’t have thought they would have been allowed to divulge other people’s info!

I would report to NSPCC and/or social services. If your friend is 100% sure of what they heard then it’s better to do so. I don’t know anything about bout protocol or how it works, but I think SS have to investigate after a complaint.