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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be worried about social services?

42 replies

MrsLime · 14/01/2021 16:59

Went to GP today for something else and disclosed a historical rape and that I was struggling with stress/ anxiety and was concerned that PTSD was back due to circumstances of this year. She referred me to mental health nurse but also spent a lot of time asking about my home life. (Working and trying to home school 2 children). I told her I was struggling with that too. Now I'm worrying that she will refer me to social services? Please tell me it is just my anxiety.

OP posts:

ChikiTIKI · 14/01/2021 18:03

Also I think it's normal to worry about SS if you've not had experience with them. I do anyway! I've got a health visitor coming tomorrow for (non-traumatic birth) baby's 9 month check and I'm stressed about it! Just feels so invasive having someone in my home 😢

SpnBaby1967 · 14/01/2021 18:05

Social services can be really helpful, they're not just there to punish parents & remove kids.

Bixs · 14/01/2021 18:09

My sister had quite a bad time with her mental health and was ultimately referred to ss as she wasn’t taking care of her dc properly. It was the best thing that could of happened to her. Her ss was an amazing source of support and it was with her help that my ds got better. Ds can’t praise ss enough.

Icanseegreenshoots · 14/01/2021 18:16

The nurse was just doing her job and checking on everyone's wellbeing and how you are managing day to day, she would only refer you if she felt your children were in danger (and they are not)
Everyone is struggling to work and homeschool, you are no different in that sense, so don't worry.
You obviously do need some support though, and she will need to figure out how best do that. They can't just refer you without assessing what kind of help you need and what would best, maybe medication, CBT or counselling or other forms of help.
Well done for actually getting the help and support you need, that IS being an excellent parent. You are taking care of yourself, so you can be the brilliant mother that you are. That is parenting at its best, asking for help when you need it.

Ohdoleavemealone · 14/01/2021 18:23

Worse case scenario, they do call social services and someone calls to see if they can offer some support.

They do not take children from happy homes. Your kids are fine, safe, fed etc. They will be so busy right now with children in need that they may not even be able to offer a phonecall.

Stop panicking.

EleventhNight · 14/01/2021 18:27

She might report over to SS if she feels that it is necessary or would help

It might be a good thing, SS are not just there to take children away you know.

rumandbiscuits · 14/01/2021 18:35

I work within a social care setting and we are always told that if we refer a child to SS we should tell the parents (if it is save to do so) before hand. I don't know if that's an around the board 'rule' or just within our authority but imo she would have told you if she had concerns and that as a result she would be referring to SS. Don't worry and well done for making steps to get help, that's a really big step.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 14/01/2021 18:37

I also have ptsd. I've had psychiatrist involvement since the birth of my 1st child and almost got sectioned last May for related reasons. I've never been referred to Social Services.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 14/01/2021 18:48

She was just trying to get a wider picture of your overall life, to see if there were any other contributing factors which may be affecting your mental health. I'm a Mental Health Nurse and when assessing someones mental state, we would do what is called a holistic assessment. So if someone came to me and disclosed depression/anxiety which they stated was due to a specific incident, I would also be asking about other aspects of their lives to ascertain if there were any other areas which could be compounding their poor mental health. This would allow me to try and deal with not only the situation that the person identifies as the main reason for their distress but also any other stressors in their lives. It really is nothing to worry about OP.

People such as GP's are there to help you, please don't be frightened of reaching out to them and asking for help.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 14/01/2021 18:51

Don't worry about it OP! It was so good that you spoke up. Trust me, having worked in the past with vulnerable children the threshold is sadly quite high for taking children into care. We had kids who were left at home on their own overnight while their mother was off doing drugs and that still wasn't enough to get them into care.

You're ok, abs I hope you get the support you need

Givemeabreak88 · 14/01/2021 19:02

They don’t have to tell you I’m sorry but people are being honest with you about that one, no they don’t HAVE to tell you, they SHOULD but they don’t have to. Also they may well have reported you no one can say they haven’t you will just have to wait and see

Givemeabreak88 · 14/01/2021 19:04

And I agree GypsyLee the people that say they are just there to help either have had no experience with them or have only met the good ones, plenty of awful ones.

Givemeabreak88 · 14/01/2021 19:05

people aren’t* being honest should read

Original poster

MrsLime · 14/01/2021 19:08

@AwaAnBileYerHeid thank you. So if a parent disclosed that they were struggling after an incident and that they were struggling with heightened anxiety and flashbacks etc you wouldn't automatically refer them to social services and if you did feel the need to refer would you tell them in these circumstances?

OP posts:

wetasstenalady · 14/01/2021 19:24

[quote MrsLime]@AwaAnBileYerHeid thank you. So if a parent disclosed that they were struggling after an incident and that they were struggling with heightened anxiety and flashbacks etc you wouldn't automatically refer them to social services and if you did feel the need to refer would you tell them in these circumstances?[/quote]
I work in an area closely related to child safeguarding
None of those would make me think your children are at danger. It would make me want to explore a bit further in terms of what supportive services can help you. If there was drug use previous domestic abuse etc it may be different but none of this would worry me

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 14/01/2021 22:14

[quote MrsLime]@AwaAnBileYerHeid thank you. So if a parent disclosed that they were struggling after an incident and that they were struggling with heightened anxiety and flashbacks etc you wouldn't automatically refer them to social services and if you did feel the need to refer would you tell them in these circumstances?[/quote]
None of this would make me think that the children were in danger and required a social services referral. If I was going to refer, then generally, I would tell you there and then.

I obviously don't know exactly what was said during the consultation but I honestly think that you're overthinking this due to your anxiety.

As I said, GPs are there to help. Please continue to seek out help if you need it. Best of luck.

Love51 · 14/01/2021 22:22

I'm another one who has a role that involves child safeguarding. The process is to tell the parent if you are going to contact social care, with a few exceptions which aren't relevant here. Nothing you have said would warrant a referral to social care. They might try to offer you some support services but it is hard to say what without knowing what is on offer where you live, and what the issues for you specifically.

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