Family think I’m faking my autism assessment

[CardoMondo]

When I told family I was going for autism assessment they basically laughed, rolled their eyes and said “there is no way you’re autistic”. When I told them I had the assessment coming up they said “you won’t get an autism diagnosis ... unless of course you tell them a load of rubbish!”. They also suggested it was just anxiety and that I’m constantly looking for stuff to be diagnosed with. Not true - I was officially diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in 2018. You can’t fake this shit!

Anyway, diagnosis has come through and I am officially diagnosed with autism. Family are now saying I’ve clearly faked symptoms, exaggerated my issues, lied and bluffed my way to a diagnosis and they still maintain I am “no way autistic”.

To be fair, the assessor actually told me for the first 20 minutes she didn’t think I was either, it was only when the mask started to slip that it became more obvious.

AIBU to think it’s a bit bloody ridiculous thinking a professional trained in autism assessment and a full MDT of experienced professionals would be fooled into giving someone such a diagnosis just because that person fancied a new label? It’s not like I went into it acting like bloody Rainman, the assessor herself even said it wasn’t so much what I said during the consultation, it was my mannerisms, body language (difficult to fake!) and subtle changes to voice and speech when deviating from my topics of interest that gave it away, as well as the more obvious stuff such as eye contact and obsessive talk on certain subjects.

YABU - people can fake their way to a diagnosis
YANBU - The professionals wouldn’t be fooled by someone putting it on

I’m sick of having to justify myself constantly and basically been made out to be an attention seeker!

Oh and just to add, I gain nothing financial or otherwise from a diagnosis. All I gain is answers for myself as to why I’ve always felt like a bloody alien

And it was an NHS diagnosis, not a privately “bought” one

I don’t think anyone can know, unless they’re an expert. I’ve worried that I’ve talked myself into a diagnosis and would skew the assessment.

I’m sure if you think you’re not then you’re not and your family could do with being a bit more supportive.
I think it’s hard when it’s things they haven’t spotted though.

Can you tell us a bit more about the process? Just for my own curiosity.

Sometime professionals can be fooled or get things wrong but I think YANBU to feel sick of having to justify yourself or being made out to be an attention seeker.

Private healthcare doesn’t automatically buy you a diagnosis either. That’s quite a shitty insult to some people.

Who do you mean by family - DH/P, siblings, parents?

If its your partner, you might want to rethink a relationship with someone unsupportive.

If its your parents, their reaction could well be guilt. If you didn't get a diagnosis as a child, they may well feel guilty for not having pushed to get the best support for you at school and are in denial as a result (it is tough to think you failed your child).

What isthe assessment process exactly for diagnosing autism in an adult?

And what do you mean by a privately “bought” diagnosis? Is that possible, do you think?

I've no idea regarding your specific circumstances although anecdotally and I stress it is only my own experiences, I have never met anyone with ASD that is able to mask their characteristics for any sustained period.

but in response to your broader question and the voting options:
YABU - people can fake their way to a diagnosis
YANBU - The professionals wouldn’t be fooled by someone putting it on

Yes, you can fake your way to a diagnosis of pretty much anything that doesn't require a physical test or alternatively fake your way out of one

A lot of women diagnosed with BPD are actually women with autism. I've been diagnosed with BPD but am waiting for my autism assessment (1 year into a 3/4year waiting list I think!).

And its hard to get a diagnosis. You can't get an assessment without substantial gate keeping. They don't just hand them out like sweets.

Are you the same poster who said that your mum doesn’t believe you’re autistic?

I'm making an assumption that you are female?

It's only very recently (2017) come to light the differences in presentation of autism with regards to gender. They now know that there are just as many women with autism as men. The key difference is females tend to mask and morph more so fall through the typically male diagnostic criteria.

Things have stated to be addressed and inequalities are being worked on.

Well done for persevering, despite your family. It's important you know and can accept your uniqueness and your positive attributes in the light of your diagnosis.

It sounds incredibly hard to live with OP, but it's not unusual. Family members - especially parents - often take diagnoses of conditions like autism as a criticism or accusation. They end up so focused on what it means for them they forget that it means something else entirely for the individual.

www.special-learning.com/article/family_denial_of_autism

@CardoMondo I have the exact same issue with my parents. They won't except mine or my DS's diagnosis mainly because 30+ years ago a psychiatrist told them that if I was a boy he would diagnosis me as autistic (I had most of the classic "symptoms ") but as girls can't be autistic he wasn't sure what was wrong with me l probably just had a personality disorder and they were untreatable .
It doesn't matter how many times I or his pediatrician teachers or anyone explains things to them or the fact that he gets higher rate DLA or has the Scottish version of a EHCP and will be going to a special school in August instead of the local high school (its nigh on impossible to get a place at the school he's going to) . Nope ds and I have fooled everyone because we're not autistic!
This is 1 of the reasons that I was very LC with them until January last year when I went NC and its been the best decision I've ever made.
Sometimes people find it easier to bury their head in the sand than admit that they were wrong and failed in some way

I think this says a lot more about your family’s ignorance when it comes to autism than it says about you.

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having such a hard time. If it’s any consolation, when my DH got his autism diagnosis, it was literally life changing. It totally changed how he felt about himself, but also how he felt about how other people treated him in the past.

My DH also got responses along the lines of “I don’t believe you could be autistic”, and “if you do indeed have autism, you must have a really mild form”. It turns out that most people who were close to him were completely oblivious of the struggles he goes through. It’s not uncommon for that to happen unfortunately, but your family are taking things quite a few steps further by accusing you of being an attention seeker. That’s inexcusable

My advice would be to forget about them for now, and to give yourself plenty of time to process the diagnosis. It took my DH about 12 months to completely get his head around how autism affected him and what he could do to make life easier for himself. Those weren’t the easiest months as there was understandably a lot of anger about how he had been treated in the past. But I’m pleased to say that he came out of all of that as a much happier and mentally healthier person 🙂